If my class was like America's Next Top Model...

...then it would be okay for me to


- disqualify students who arrive late to class.

- (openly) mock their questionable attire.

- tell them that they need to be more fierce.

- send them off to some foreign country for more training.





Yes, I realize that all of you probably watch much higher quality TV. Or no TV at all (Reeeeeeeally?). So you probably don't get my ANTM references. But that, dear readers, is a risk I am willing to take.

There's no crying in science

Unfortunately, no one told my students this. I just graded an exam that had so many tears fall on it that the pages were bumpy from all the dried liquid.

I've made students cry before, but never so much that they soaked the exam, blurring the ink.



Jeez... I wonder how the final will go?

You should really get that looked at...

I've broken out into itchy hives on my chest, upper arms, legs, and stomach. I'm chalking it up to a temporary allergy to grading and am self-medicating with 24-36 oz of beer followed by at least six solid hours of sleep.


I have also considered other potential sources of my allergic reaction:

- long-winded faculty meetings

- students with attitude

- over-medicating with chocolate


What makes YOU break out into (real or proverbial) hives?

pass the endorphins, please

N.A. and I haven't seen one another since New Years (more on THAT later). I think it's pretty obvious that I'm at an all time endorphin low.

Sure, I have chocolate. (Oh, sweet chemistry gods do I have chocolate.)

Yes, I could exercise. Currently, my exercise regime (haha..like I can really call it that) consists of my morning walk to work, excessive hopping and pacing during lecture, and afternoon post-coffee and liter of water sprints to the bathroom.

I haven't been to the gym since I defended my thesis.


I could blame the fact that I'm at work 12 hours a day and then come home for several more hours of grading.

But really, there is only one reason I haven't been skipping out for a noon workout: the showers are communal.

I'm not talking about little cubicles that require flip-flops.

I'm talking about one big room, 12 shower heads, and lots o' naked people.

Call me a prude, but I do NOT need to shower amongst my students. They do not need to see the state of my cellulite, lack of attention to my um...lady garden... or my tattoo.

(And don't even try to tell me that they won't notice or care. Because although I know they won't whip out their cell phones, I know I'll never hear the end of my Tinkerbell tat*)


So should I chalk this up to the ole UR list of neuroses, or would you balk at having to shower amongst the younguns?


*come on, do you REALLY think I'd have a Tinkerbell tattoo?

I'm not an alcoholic-- I'm untenured

What got me through today was a dangling carrot.

(My dangling carrot being a cold beer. Or two.)



Why is spring semester so much harder than the fall semester? (This is not meant to be a rhetorical question.)

An open letter to my students

Dear Undergrad,

When I remind you that you should not be wearing gloves in the hallway/departmental office/computer lab (anywhere but at your research bench!) please do not respond with any of the following:

1. "Oh, I forgot I was wearing them."

2. Look at me, and then proceed to run your (gloved) hand all over the wall/door/keyboard.


or, my personal anti-favorite:


3. "But I didn't touch anything!"



Sincerely,

Dr. Reaction

A question for the masses: smelly situation

I often encounter unpleasantly-odored students. (I teach freshmen, after all.)

The reason generally falls into one of two categories:

1. some cultural difference that results in deodorant not being part of the daily routine

2. failure to wash clothes and/or self (for multiple days)



So far, I've just been ignoring the situations. Maybe I could put some air fresheners in the lab?

Was Billy Bob Thornton in my class today?

I think Billy Bob Thornton was in my intro-level course today.


Okay, so not really the creepy man himself, but I had a conversation with Undergrad that went something like this:

Me: Undergrad, what time did you start the homework assignment?

Undergrad: I have no idea what you are talking about.


Watch this clip of Billy Bob completely shutting down after a Canadian deejay comments about his acting career.

DJ: When did your band form?

BB: I have no idea what you are talking about.

The first interactions comes around the 1:20 mark. (If you want to watch the meltdown, skip next to around the 7 minute mark or so. (As seen on perezhilton -- yes, I admit I read it; been reading back in his page666 days.)






So...anyone else have some Billy Bobisms from students?

facebook etiquette

Dear facebook friends (erm...acquaintances),

Please stop doing status updates about TV shows. I don't watch TV in "real time." I watch TV with my DVR or netflixs, usually around 1 am after one (or three) grading-induced beers.

So I'd appreciate not receiving any spoilers via the effing facebook feed.*







*Yes, I could stop checking facebook. But it is my internets equivalent of chocolate or Gossip Girl: it is bad for me but I HAFTA have it. NOW.

Science selecting shorties?

ScienceGirl recently posted about no longer being the shortest-- at least not compared to her committee member.

At almost 5'8", I'm a bit above average height for a woman but I tower over EVERYONE I encounter at school or conferences.* Is this just because the students are still growing?

But what about my colleagues? I'm taller than at least 75% of them, including the men. Does academia select for shorter people? Is it just science? Anyone know the average height of scientists, or does no one else observe a height difference between scientists and non-academics?






*I don't mind this at all. In fact, I *love* it. I wear heels with long pants just to give myself an even greater height advantage.

How busy am I?

My DVR is 97% full.