go-to questions

I'm at that really awkward stage of packing where I'm not quite living out of boxes but I'm not living in a normal apartment either.

My tiny apartment has exploded-- half-packed boxes cover every available floor space of the kitchen/living room and drawers are pulled halfway open, serving as a constant reminder of how much I still have to pack. Of course, everyone around here keeps asking how the packing is going. It's the new go-to question. Of course, this makes me think back to various go-to questions for different stages of life. You know, the question that you get asked several to dozens of times a day. The question to which you might not have an answer, or maybe you have a five sentence spiel memorized since you have to spout off dozens of times a day. When the former is the case, it only drives home the underlying message: that you are stuck in place and need to move forward.

Let's take a walk down go-to question lane:

senior year, high school: So, where are you going to college?

senior year, college: What are you doing next year?

first year, grad school: What research group are you going to join?

fourth year, grad school: When are you going to start writing?

fourth and a half year, grad school: What are you doing next year?

first year, visiting ass.: How are classes going?

first year, visiting ass.: What are you doing next year? (from faculty)

first year, visiting ass.: You're leaving? What would you want to leave (from students)


Luckily for me, I do have a job for the fall, so those last questions have an answer. I can move on from this visiting ass. position.

I can already anticipate the go-to questions from my future colleagues: How does this place compare to TempCollege?

What go-to questions have you encountered?



scientiae-carnival

Committed?

In a week, I'll be with N.A. Forever. (muhahahaha) We've lived together before, but not in such final terms. Final meaning our stuff is now meshed together, we both have permanent jobs (chemistry gods willing), and we'll have a joint lease.

Clearly, it is time for the next step. We are ready for the ultimate commitment.

I've been waiting for it for awhile, and finally N.A. popped the question (over the phone):

"Unbal, would you like to sign up for a joint cell phone plan with me?"




If only we had a camera to immortalize the moment, but alas... he popped the question over the phone.

Post-semester letdown?

I've heard that actors experience a huge letdown (some call it depression) after a play ends. Since teaching a class is a production onto itself, I shouldn't have been that surprised that I would have similar feelings after the semester concluded.

Don't agree that a college class is analogous to something seen on the The Great White Way? Consider this: the students are our audience (although hopefully more participatory than a typical Broadway crowd), lecture notes serve as a script, the professor (ME) is constantly performing, improvisation is often frequently employed, and, if things go particularly well, you can receive rave reviews.

In the week after the semester ended, I was too exhausted to think about anything but GET ME SLEEP. After a few nights of 10 solid hours of sleep, I was feeling myself again...almost. Something was a little off. I don't know if it was because I felt guilt for not working as much as during the semester (so in my office from 8:30 am to 10:00 pm and then more grading from 10:30 pm until at least 12:30 am) or sadness because I knew I would never see these students again, but I felt really off.

Is this a normal feeling to experience after the academic year ends? Is it just because it was my first year and so I'm seeing my first graduation, or is this something that will happen ever year?

Don't toss that-- give it to an undergrad

Like I've said before, I hate moving. I despise how much time it takes. I have a strong aversion to change.

But most of all, I really, really dislike throwing away perfectly good stuff--food, half-used cleaning supplies, hangers, paper...the list goes on and on.

When I move, I move really far distances and with just my car, so things like cleaning supplies and food are usually sacrificed to make room for, say, my clothes and books. I'm not the kind of person to get to know my neighbors, so it's hard to find a new home for a half bottle of toilet bowl cleaner, an unwanted lamp, or a broom. So often they go discarded.

But.

Cue Undergrads!

The best thing about moving away from a small college town is that said small college town is full of Undergrads! Lots and lots of 'em! Even in the summer! And summer research students are even better because they are usually more in need! Yay for poor Undergrads! They happily take light bulbs, a lamp, coffee beans, or frozen meals off your hands. Have a 3/4 full bottle of hand soap, a house plant, or extra paper towels taking up valuable car space? There's no need to fear, poor Undergrads are here!

Hmmm....if I can free up enough space, I wonder what fun, new stuff I could bring with me....

Memorialize THIS!

Did you know that Memorial Day is coming up? I do!

Know why?

Because EVERY SINGLE service department from human resources to the dining services sent out an email today to inform me (and the rest of the faculty email list) this.

Clearly I need to reevaluate my email filters.

Linkage: You will thank me

Okay, so Professor Anonymous wrote a superfab (yeah, a said it) post the other day about summer classes with....wait for it.... lyrics about summer teaching set to "Summer Nights" from Grease.

Feel free to swoon onto your lab bench at any time.


While you are there, be sure to check out the list of key terms in the header. Excellent summer reading.

Scary TV

I've been on my couch, eating bon-bons, and watching TV for the last four hours. I know-- rough life.

I've been watching some episodes of Flip Your House. That is some scary shit. Watching the short cuts that these lowlives take is more frightening than most of the other reality offerings (even worse than Birth Control Central).

Oops, Survivor* finale is on, gotta run.






*Yes, I watch reality TV. I *DARE* you to tell me why I shouldn't.

Look, look!

Things I have done so far this weekend:

- bought thank-you presents for coworkers

- given a tour of the building to parents

- slept more than 8 hours consecutively

- tried a new riesling

- watched some housing buying shows on HGTV/A&E

- flipped through 6+ months worth of C&EN (did you know they have a blog?)


Note that I have NOT:

- answered student emails

-met with frantic pre-meds

- GRADED!!!

Benefits to moving

I hate moving. I don't deal well with change or surprises. Although I'm very flexible professionally, the circus tricks stop at work.

But last night I realized that there are a few perks to packing. Obviously, it's a great chance to go through old crap, pare down your life, blah blah blah. But here are two perks I actually care about:

1. Money! I've found $15.68 in loose change going through boxes that I never fully unpacked. I've also found $3.42 in Canadian money and about four Euros in change.

2. I (re)found my thesis! It's not like it had gone missing, but I don't exactly keep in in a very accessible place.



Anyone else going through the moving process? Care to share other bonuses to relocating?

School's out for summer!

Grades are in. Many a celebratory beer has been consumed. Students are gone. Sure, some will be back in a few weeks for summer research, but for now things are quiet.

I've started packing up my office in anticipation of the move. Okay, so I'm not so much packing up yet as sorting through the embarrassingly high mounds of random papers. But still. The countdown to the relocation (and moving in with N.A.!) has begun. In less than a month, I'll be settling in to my new job.

PhDLadyBug over at Non tenured Assistant Professor has posed an interesting question about summer productivity. "What is your best advice to make the best out of the summer months?" She writes. By all means click on over and give your two cents; goodness knows that many of us will need more than just the luck of the chemistry gods to have a productive summer after THIS crazy semester.


Anyone else beyond burned out? I know that I'm going to need a LOT more chocolate cake (and beer) before I'll be feeling like getting some actual class prep or research accomplished.

Best grading motivation EVER.

How to get grading done efficiently

1. Record an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8.*

2. Start episode.

3. Sit with pile of grading at nearby couch/table/floor.

4. Grade until the credits roll.

5. Repeat episode until grading is complete (or your eyes are bleeding).**



Good luck with all your last bits of grading! (for those of you on quarters, oh, I am so sorry for you)


*Yes, the first few episodes might be cute. But just wait. Wait for Kate's shrill harping to begin. Watch a seven year old have a tantrum (on, um, every episode) worthy of a three year old. Enjoy viewing Jon become more and more beat down.

**Extra bonus: the show is VERY effective birth control. It should come with a warning: might cause you to never, EVER want children. Or have sex. EVER again.

Special delivery

I love getting mail. I love books. So, as you can probably guess, I love getting new textbooks in the mail.

Since I'm still pretty new at this professor thing, my bookshelves are practically empty when compared with those of my colleagues. I have to seek out preview copies of texts I'm interested in, signing up for accounts with publishers or tracking down the often-elusive company representative. In contrast, my more senior colleagues get unsolicited boxes of textbooks every other week.

The packages don't just result in new editions of textbooks. They also bring out the textbook buyers. These are the guys that come around with their wheely-bags, poke their heads into every faculty office, and offer to buy back your unwanted preview copies of textbooks.

I always give the same response: "No, thank you. I don't sell back books." I actually *want* all the textbooks I've requested. I don't have double copies or newer editions of the same book. Although, to be honest, even when the day comes that my bookshelves are overflowing with unwanted textbooks, I'm still not sure I'll be comfortable with selling a free book.


Do you think it is okay for professors to sell preview copies of textbooks? If the copy was sent without being requested, does that make a difference? Do you sell back (or are planning on selling back) preview copies of textbooks? If not, what do you do with the redundant books?

On academic accommodations

If academic accommodations existed when I was in college, I wasn't aware of them. This year, each of my classes averaged 10% students with academic accommodations. Most of the given accommodations were extra time and/or quiet during quizzes and exams.

I happily oblige with any requested, documented accommodations. After all, I'm no learning disability expect, so who am I to decide how students learn (or demonstrate learning) best?

Not all of my colleagues are so..erm... accommodating when it comes to academic accommodations. Some refuse to allow students to take exams separate from the rest of the class, arguing that they have to make a new version of the exam (really???). Others don't understand that night exams can interfere with medications, such as ADD meds (I could go on and on about night exams, but I'll save that for another post).

I recently learned that one of my students who had struggled with finishing exams within time constraints all semester actually had academic accommodations. When I asked her why she failed to bring me the proper documentation (or even mention it, for that matter), she replied, "well, I won't get extra time in the real world, so why should I start now?"

I was quite taken aback by her answer. On one hand, she is right. I mean, will NIH be accepting notes regarding grant deadline accommodations any time soon? Can I shirk office hours by invoking my need for a quiet work environment?



So was my student being mature, and forward-thinking or should she have taken the allowed extra time?

Reading between the (very marked up) lines

As the semester wraps up, I have a *lot* of grading to do. Let's play a little game.

I call it: What I Write / What I Mean

What I write: Fantastic job!!

What I mean: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your wonderful exam was the one bright spot in a day of bleak exams.


What I write: Units?!

What I mean: It pains me to acknowledge that you are so careless, lazy, and/or clueless that you failed to write down units with your answer. I am emphasizing this pain with extra punctuation.


What I write: Show work.

What I mean: I can't figure out how/why you wrote this answer. (Alternative meaning: I think you copied this answer off your neighbor's paper.)


What I write: Please look over, and make an appointment ASAP.

What I mean: You are failing. You are failing and seem not to know you are failing. Please come to my office so we can discuss this. Please don't cry.

I am living proof that...

...if your students make a wish on the very first crystal that appears in their test tubes, their wish will come true.

Apparently they were all wishing that I would come down with food poisoning* and be unable to finish their finals.



Of course, they underestimate my multitasking abilities: barf, write, blog, barf, calculate....






*Funny but true: of all the crap I ate today-- chocolate cake, chips, chocolates...I'm pretty sure it was a salad that did me in. I guess I should have stuck to sugar??

An open letter to my googlers

Dear googlers,

When you google "how to cheat with calculators" or for other cheating tips (like How To Fool That Bitch Professor), the post of mine that comes up is this one.


But really.


I know you are desperate, but are you that academically pathetic that you are googling how to cheat during finals week?*


GO STUDY!!!



Signed,

U. Reaction



*That was a rhetorical question.