Say it ain't so!

Dear Undergrad,

You know how today you came up to me after lecture and informed me that you were never taking a class in Science again?

Yeah, I totally had to hold back the tears.

You mean I won't have another chance to teach you in a future Science class?



Woohoo! You just made my freaking semester!!



All the best,

Dr. Reaction

Good eats?

PermaU students complain All. The. Time. about the cafeteria food.

My college cafeteria had terrible food. Like, unrecognizable gruel-type food. So I'm not the most sympathetic when my students complain about PermaU's cafeteria fares.

But even my food experiences don't compare to that of Mrs. Q, blogger of all that is elementary/middle school lunch eats. Enjoy this except of one of her "favorite" entrees, pizza:

The cheese looks shellacked and shiny. And the "pepperoni" is in little squares.

"Shellacked" pizza? Me thinks my undergrads should stop complaining about their under-stocked salad bar or "only" six choices of soda pop.

Shoulda put a ring on it...?

"Where's your ring, Dr. Reaction?" Undergrad sounded startled.

I stammered out a response. Something about blood diamonds and not wanting to support the industry. (Seriously. It's the first thing that came to mind.)

Although N.A. and I are engaged in theory, I don't have a ring. No ring, no wedding date.


I don't have a problem with this...except when I have to explain it to prying students. I'm in no hurry to get married. N.A. and I own a dog and real estate together. Sure, we don't get the tax break for filing as married, but I also don't have to combine our cell phone plans.


Is marriage really all that it's cracked up to be?

It's not really urgent

I'm not sure there is anything more pretentious than marking an email as High Importance. I am not any more inclined to read a red-flagged email than one that isn't MARKED WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS.

Actually, there is something email-related that is more pretentious: requests for receipts of email. Does anyone else get these? One of the dean's secretaries ALWAYS put one of these on emails she sends out. After I open the email, Outlook pops open a request for permission to send back a receipt of reading. Ummm.... no. I always click no. If people are concerned that I read an email, why not request IN THE EMAIL that I acknowledge reading it?

The funny thing is that usually these requests are attached to emails that clearly aren't urgent. Things like regalia order requests. Or lab report questions. Or fall book orders.

What do I consider topics worthy of the red flag? Notifications of free food. Or booze. Or cancellations of classes. Yup, that's all I can think of right now.


(By all means feel free to explain to me why URGENT! is an important feature for emails.)

Instant human: Just add caffeine

You probably already know that I'm not a morning person.

In the morning, I'm on automatic pilot until I get my coffee. Which is at work. (Mostly because if I had coffee here, I wouldn't have much of a reason to go in, would I?)

I have a big problem. I live with a morning person. No, not N.A.


My dog.


My dog is more cheery than the secretary in Office Space. I have never seen a creature more excited about the morning. He bounds out of his crate, panting with excitement. I'm still trying to get my pupils calibrated against all the offensive light streaming in the windows. (Must invest in blackout curtains.)

Even though I've had the puppy for almost eight months, I'm still getting used to having something THAT excited to see me every morning.

If only I could transfer some of that enthusiasm for life from my dog to my students!

How to get useful feedback on evaluations

As some of you have pointed out in the comments on previous posts, there is one not-so-secret way to get useful feedback on student evaluations. The (not really a) secret? Tell your students how important the evaluations are to you.

Perhaps some of you already do this yet your students are so awful and jaded that they still give you unhelpful feedback. Although knowing that I rate as a 4.4/5 for availability is useful, what I really look for are specific comments about teaching style, content, office hours, etc. These comments give me the most talking points for my tenure report.

A few days before I plan to hand out the evals I explain to the class who exactly reads them and what they do with them. Here at PermaU, first the head of the department reads them, then the dean, and then me. If there are any issues (good or bad), I will have a meeting with them, but that doesn't typically happen. I tell the students this, honestly telling them that for right now, I am the only one who will really use them. I explain that I really need honest responses in order to adjust my teaching in future semesters. I especially emphasize that if I am doing something that they like, that they should mention that in the comments so that I keep doing the same thing in future semesters.

Many of my colleagues complain that they get very few responses in the short answer portion of the evaluations, and some say that if they are doing an okay job that their students won't make any comments at all. I think their students just think that evals are only places to report problems not comment on successful practices. By emphasizing to my students that both "bad" and good feedback is useful, I think that students feel that the time they spend filling out the evaluations is well spent. (..and it doesn't hurt that positive feedback is good for my ego!)

After all, if you know that something you are doing doesn't matter, would YOU put time into it?

Is it really that crazy?

Although we (profs) would all hope that our students would be reasonable on evaluations, there will always be exceptions. I think Anon brings up a good point in the comments on my last post: tenure committees will ONLY have the evaluations, not necessarily the whole reason(s) behind the comment.

It might sound insane that a student would complain about lack of availability just because of a missing cell number (but not actually mention the cell phone part).

But consider this: a colleague at my previous institution got reamed on her evaluations the semester she returned after maternity leave. Over and over, students commented about her office door being shut during working hours.

The reason her door was closed, at scheduled times, for 20-30 minute stretches? She was pumping. Try explaining THAT in a tenure packet.

Should we lower the bar for contact time with students?

In my last post about texting with students (ugh!!), Anon 5:45 pointed out the following:

"...if you refuse to give out your cell phone number and accept calls or texts, you appear unaccessible compared to other faculty in the department. This can show up in student/instructor evaluations, which are considered in the tenure process (and I am pre-tenure)."

Well, crap. Already my teaching and research accomplishments are lacking relative to those of my colleagues. Now I have to worry about not being (technologically) available enough to my students?



In theory my tenure packet will be judged on its own, without comparison to anyone else's. I strongly suspect that in reality, that couldn't be further from the truth.

Now accepting texts?

I don't Facebook with current students. I don't put my home phone number on my syllabus-- pretty easy, since I don't have a home line.

I most certainly don't give out my cell number to my students.


I was at lunch with a colleague the other day. Her cell phone dinged, indicating the arrival of a new text. "Hmmm," she said, as she wrinkled her nose at her phone. "I'm being reminded that I have an advising meeting at two. The problem is, I don't know which student just texted me. I don't have their number in my phone."

I did my best to hide the "WTF??!!" from my face. The idea of receiving texts from students, let alone storing their numbers in my phone, is completely foreign to me.

I give everything to my job. I have to keep some lines drawn. Some parts of my life need to be kept my own, even if it just my cell phone. Students can reach me by email, and I can choose when to respond. I don't need them texting me on a whim.


Am I overreacting? Are texts from students an inevitable requirement of the job?

Bracing for finals

For those of us on semesters, the end is near! I'm not sure who wants this year over more: me or my students.

This time of year my students are pondering how many days one can re-wear their jeans, watching the last dollars dwindle on their meal cards, and doing one last (or four) keg stand.

I am prepping for finals by pondering grade distributions, watching my students becoming less and less engaged in class, and doing one last (or four) committee meeting.


At least I planned ahead in the grading snacks category. Nothing goes better with frantic exam grading than 75% off Cadbury eggs.


Are you ready for finals?

Taxing taxes

I usually wait until pretty late (um...say, the 13th of April) to do my taxes. I do N.A.'s taxes as well, and I would rather do them at the same time than do mine first and have to answer similar questions two months later.

When people find out that I haven't sent in my taxes yet, (and they always do-- what is up with that? Weird competition?) they express shock. I suppose this could be because I'm fairly organized in other aspects of my life (read: super anal), so the contrast is surprising.

But still.


Is it really that big of a deal to wait until April 15th to file?

Visiting Vixens

Last year, as many of you know, I was a visiting ass. at a small college. Now I'm well into my first year on the tenure track at a similar small college. I know that this year has been much, much easier as a direct result as my year as a V. ass. (Although it still sucks. Boy, does it suck.) While I wouldn't recommend a visiting position for someone who wants to go the R1 route, it could be a really good fit for someone wanting to go the small undergraduate college path.

Being a visiting prof (see * below) has all the advantages of being on the tenure track without most of the crap.

Crap that comes with the tenure track that you avoid as a Visiting Vixen:

- Committees. It is very rare to be assigned to a committee as a visitor. Do I really need to elaborate?

- Advisees. Yes, we all love advising students on how to find a path other than pre-med (insert eye roll here). They are also a huge time suck. It is very, very rare for Visiting Vixens to be given formal advisees.

- Faculty meetings! While some schools might think it's a good idea to attend, the presence of Visiting Ass.es is not usually required. Again, I don't think I need to explain why not having to attend faculty meetings is AWE-SOME.

- Research pressure! Research is rarely an expectation for a visiting prof. I got very little done beyond thinking and sketching out of a few research plans. If you want to go to a top tier small liberal arts college, you are going to want to get significant research done while a visitor. If you are aiming a little lower, and research done as a VV will be viewed as a bonus.

-Teaching pressure! A Visiting Ass. is just that. Visiting. Unless your position somehow can convert into a tenure-track situation, your teaching evaluations will never really be used for anything. I'm not saying that you should go in there and completely suck. BUT. Since you aren't going to be evaluated on what your students write, it can really give you freedom in the classroom. Try something new without worrying about what will show up on your teaching evaluations.



Again, if you want to have graduate students and do NIH R01-worthy research, visiting positions aren't for you. Do a post-doc. with someone awesome and get lots of publications. If you are wrapping up your PhD and want to work with undergraduates at a mid tier PUI, a Visiting Ass. position can be a great fit. If you are like me, having a year to work on your teaching and really sort out your research goals will greatly benefit you once the tenure clock starts.



*IF you have supportive, enjoyable colleagues who are willing to give you mentoring. And understand that you will be on the job market, like, the SECOND that you arrive at your temporary home. And will hopefully be traveling for interviews during November, December, January, and maybe even October and February, too.