Many of my fellow graduate students here at LargeU are married. I know a few of the spouses, but more often then not, I don't. I always watch their reactions at their counterpart's thesis defense with interest. Were they supportive over the years? Did they understand that some nights their Ph.D-bound partner wouldn't be home? Did they nag their spouse not to work weekends, even though the experiments don't (usually) run themselves? Are they on the level of SuperWife?
These are the questions I ask myself when I see the non-student's beaming faces and slightly glassed over eyes, which can only mean one thing: "thank god s/he is done; what the fnck is s/he talking about?"
On Friday *I* got to play the supportive partner role when I attended N.A.'s thesis defense. It made me very, very glad that we're both finishing up at the same time. Although I might have been a little glassed-over at some of his slides, I knew exactly what he was going through. I knew he'd be exhausted afterwards, and I also knew he'd be feeling a little let down by how anticlimactic it all ends up being.
On the flip side, I was terribly nervous for him because I knew the kinds of questions his committee members are known for asking. I knew that his PI was prone to sitting on his students' theses, refusing to sign off on them.
So I wonder, is ignorance, when it comes to the graduate school process, bliss? I'm not talking about the first-year student's wide-eyed, overly enthusiastic ignorance at the whole system; I'm referring to the boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses of graduate students. Are you with a fellow grad student/ academic? Or do you think it's better to date outside the bubble??
