A recent comment on this old post on group work got me thinking. I'm going to (probably) address portions of Anon's (who is an engineering student, hooray!) comment in some future post(s), but let me reproduce the last bit:
"Group work is ONLY recommended if you have bright, responsible and good students who know they must work as a team. Then it is indeed a very good experience, although I've seldom have had that. Manly hugs."
Hmm...
I've been told that I have a good handshake because I don't "shake like a typical woman."
I've been told that I'm a good lecturer because I "don't lecture like a girl."
But I've never had anyone comment on my hugs. What is a manly hug? Like a quick shoulder slap? I'm not sure what a "womanly" hug would be, probably because my preferred state is to NOT have people touching me.
Especially students.
So I wonder. Could there be a difference between engineering and non-engineering hugs?
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7 comments:
I dislike hugging people other than EGM and my nieces & nephews. Every once in a while I get trapped in a hug with a colleague. The worst part is trying to make sure your boobs don't touch the other person -- awkward.
Hugs outside of family are just awkward. And totally unnecessary.
Yes... women seem to be more comfortable with body contact than men. I will tell you a story from my undergrad years... so although this story is at least 10 years old, it has some important lessons.
It started when we had to make a field trip for a class. 4 guys and 3 girls ended up in an uncivilized place where the only accommodation available was 1 room with two beds...a big one and a small one.
We guys (4) took the big bed and the girls (3) took the small one. In a minute, the girls had undressed to their bedclothes, pulled the blanket over themselves and were comfortable.
On the contrary, all 4 of us sat sulking on the bed. None of us removed more than our socks and looked at each other tensely. We were all scared of what was going to happen next. Finally, we all stretched out on one side, trying to avoid as much physical contact as possible and tried to close our eyes and fall asleep.
All this time, the girls chatted nicely among themselves. Lesson: Men are uncomfortable with their bodies.
What if it's just a typo and should read "many hugs"?
Here (Spain) hugs and kisses are part of the normal greeting routine -- among women, and between men and women. Not among men though (I heard they do that in some Latin American country, but I don't remember which).
There's absolutely a difference in what could be described as 'manly hugs' and regular hugs. Regular hugs are not doled out to professional connections generally, no matter how well you know them or like them, for professional achievements. Maybe for condolences, but not as a matter of course. It certainly does have to do with the amount of perceived closeness and actual body contact involved in regular hugs. This is good, but sends a different message than an embrace that evolves mostly into thumping on the back.
I think it's also a way to demonstrate in text what sort of emotion is wished to be conveyed. Many of us might write *hugs* or something similar, but that also evokes too much personal closeness for many people for which hugging is not standard greeting or contact. It is typically seen more I think with women than with men.
In sum, the 'manly' hug is given to demonstrate congratulations but not necessarily personal connection.
Returning from a very long and troubled but successful field trip last year, I was so happy to be back that I bounded out of the car and hugged my PI (who met me with open arms). Then I realized that she was the first person I had hugged in 6 weeks since seeing my husband.
I guess my hug standards are very different- usually with a no hug policy but sometimes many (apparently due to professionalism) inappropriate hugs when I'm excited.
I would actually think of a 'manly' hug as a big bear hug type which would be more inappropriate than a dainty, shoulders-only 'womanly' hug.
I think it is a typo, but "manly" hugs are an awkward formalized behavior that can take many forms, all recently parodied in a beer ad.
As for that interesting comment, my observation is that it might not be a students job to teach other students, but it is very often the case that you learn more explaining the subject to another student (or teaching a class for the first time) than you do studying on your own.
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