I've recently become quite the broken record. I didn't mean for it to happen.
Usually it starts with a coworker or friend (or both??) asking me if I had a relaxing weekend. These days, my response is some variation of the following: "It was good, but really busy. I had ____ to grade and ____ to prep, and the dog got me up early."
If the coworker/friend that I am talking with has kids, I *always* follow up with my No-Kids Disclaimer.
You don't know the NKD? It goes something like this (and always veryveryfast):
I mean, I shouldn't complain 'cause it's not like I have kids so I can't imagine-how-you-do-it!!
I never really mean to use the NKD. Why do I invoke it?
But it does make me wonder: do people with kids have their own disclaimer running through their heads? When you hear someone without kids complaining about not sleeping or being busy, do you thing gee, and you don't even have kids, you lazy nitwit?
7 comments:
sorry. but yes. (without the lazy nitwit bit)
but also, i'm a little bit relieved i have an excuse for not working on holidays and not grading and prepping on the weekends.
but then a whole bunch jealous that you can go get sushi or whatever because you don't have to worry about a kid with a noodle obsession.
what's worse than the NKD is the SAHMD "but then I don't have a job ... I don't know how you do it"
It's funny, because people will say this kind of thing to me ("I'm so tired...but I guess I shouldn't complain because I don't have kids/a baby"), but it honestly doesn't occur to me.
I remember being plenty busy/tired/whatever before having a baby too! The only thing I never am these days is bored, but I used to complain about that a lot. I guess that's a good thing.
I probably do the opposite though. Like, if someone is talking about their fun plans for the weekend and then ask me, I will usually justify my response by saying something like "we just have to decide based on what Evan is feeling like".
To my mind "the dog got me up early" might require invoking the NKD.
I've been woken up by dogs, significant others, experiments, fire alarms, drunken abusive neighbors, tornado sirens, actual fires, water seeping into my tent while camping, physical pain, anxiety, angry roommates, drunken roommates, mosquitos and partying neighbors. All of those can suck and merit legitimate griping. That said, they all pale in comparison to newborns. Newborns keeping you up represent a very special kind of unrelenting yet unpredictable hell.
I have a "Um, remember, I have a toddler" disclaimer I try really hard not to invoke because it doesn't seem to improve people's view on my 'work ethic'. Like, if someone asks me if I have finished X over the weekend (where X would take 8+ hours - I mean, really, when? It's not like I've been slacking, just chasing a toddler who gets up at a crack of dawn and has limitless energy and potential for cracking her head open and mess making!).
Heh, I do know what you mean, but I refuse to apologise!
I do get guilt-tripped by parents sometimes though, and it winds me up. They made their decision, and I made mine. And what if I was involuntarily childless and very upset about it? If that were the case (it isn't), it would be incredibly insensitive to give me attitude for talking about being busy or tired!
I think in general I'm with Cath -- it's your choice (to have kids, to work on the weekend, to party all night, etc.). I happen to be among those that would love to have a child, but biology isn't exactly cooperative. So I'm not going to apologize -- I don't want to draw attention to the fact that I don't have kids (I'm probably in denial half of the time), and with most people I'm not keen on discussing that yes, I'd rather be up at night with a newborn than worrying how to get multiples of 10k$ to afford IVF and have at least a chance...
I think everyone (single and non-single alike) need to read the book "Singled Out". The marrieds and parents out there need to understand that being single or childless is not a license to endless free time, partying, and an overall laissez-faire approach to life. We have our own burdens to bear including elderly/sick parents; running a household solo (who cleans the house, walks the dog or runs to the drugstore when I am sicker than a dog, can't pull my head off the pillow, fever of 103? - I HAVE TO); and taking on the after-hours service needs of the department because "you don't have kids to get home to, so you can teach the night class, or spend tonight on campus talking to prospective students ... because obviously you have nothing better to do".
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