pets as children, part 2

Puppy is my child. Coworkers, deal with it.

Despite referring to Puppy (mostly in my head, mind you) as my kid, I promise to refrain from the following behavior:


- posting ultrasound / the-second-after-birth pictures of Puppy on facebook

- entertaining (read: horrifying) my coworkers with Puppy's successful house training stories....or accidents

- giving the hour-by-hour details of Puppy's twenty-four hour bug

- bringing sick Puppy in to work because Doggy Day Care won't take 'em until 1 day without a fever

- discussing every behavioral milestone of Puppy's




(no offense if you have done any of the above. I guess my dog just isn't "child" enough to me to blast facebook/work/the bus with it.)

pets as children

I've been watching a lots of Weeds lately. In one scene, Celia mocks a neighbor for calling their pets their children.

I used to be like Celia. (If you've seen Weeds, you know how funny that declaration is.)


But now.


Oh, now.


Now, I'm one of *those* people. One of those obnoxiously pretentious people who refer to their pets as their children. Who talk about their milestones with their friends.

But before you judge, consider this: my coworkers get to leave to take care of a sick child, do a day care pick in between classes, or bring a feverish rugrat to work. No one complains.

Do I get the same treatment as a child-less prof?

Of course not.

So for now, I will continue to talk about my child, Puppy.



What are the odds I can start complaining about not having PermaU-provided Doggy Day Care without anyone batting an eye?

Tenured but not promoted?

Tenure and promotion are two separate situations. I didn't realize this when I was at LargeU, mostly because there were not two separate committees to handle T&P.

Promotion is given based on what you've already done.

Tenure is (mostly) granted (if you ignore all the political BS) for what you will get done.


You can get tenure without being promoted. I am told that it happens, since the two situations are supposed to be considered independent of one other (in space but not necessarily in time).

....but does it actually happen?


If I got tenured but not promoted, I don't think I would stay around.


Still. I haven't heard of a case where someone gets tenured but doesn't becoming an associate prof. Have you?

Please put on some clothes

I don't understand it. As the temperatures rise, the air conditioning in the building blasts. I wear fleece jackets to the classroom. My fingernails turn blue. I drink tea.

Do my students bundle up?

Heck, no.

The guys sport shorts and flip flops.

The girls? Oh, good lord. What would you wear in a 62 degree classroom? Why, a skimpy tank top and a short skirt, obviously....right?



No wonder they can't seem to make it through one of my exams-- they spend too much energy shivering more than a chihuahua!

Do faculty get summer vacation, too?

My students seem to think that I get the whole summer off. Since they leave for a few months, the school must surely shut down in their absence, right?

The faculty seem divided when it comes to summer work. Since our salary is for nine months, some feel that they shouldn't work in the summer (actually, they refuse to work in the summer). Others view the summer as the only time to move forward on research, and so they work even if they do not have a summer stipend.

I fall in the latter category. My salary is more than enough to live on all year (we're paid in 12 installments, after all). If I don't work in the summer, I won't have enough research done by the time I go up for tenure. That is how it works at most undergrad institutions. Is it that different in the non-sciences?

What about you? Do you work when you technically aren't paid?

They coming a-marching...

freakin' ANTS!

I already feel like I'm half assing both my professional and personal life. If I'm working too much, I'm not at home enough. If I'm at home with N.A. and Puppy, then I'm not getting enough work done. What a cycle.

And now, ants. Tiny, mobile reminders of how half-assed my housekeeping is.


At least I have a few weeks before my summer students start marching back in.

Activate stealth mode

Each day that I leave work before 6 pm, there are a few things I have to do to ensure a smooth exit.

I lock my computer. I gather my papers. I put on my sunglasses.

And, most important of all, I make a phone call on my cell.


This is the only way to escape.



In order to get from my office out to the parking lot, I have to walk by a number of offices. If I'm not obviously engaged in a phone conversation (real or imaginary), I will get flagged down for any number of Really Important Reasons.

You know. Really Important Reasons such as the urgent need to inform me about their child's recent snot color (seriously), a request to for gossip about my department (they keep askin' but I'm not tellin'), or the retelling of the Worst Thing That Happened Today (usually minor... usually the third time I've heard about it).

As long as I have my cell phone as my shield, I can get home in a timely fashion.

Who knows what will happen if my battery dies or-gasp!- I leave my phone at home! I might never get to leave work.