I am so filled with rage right now that it is difficult to process anything--- food, thoughts, conversations...you name it. Disappointment oozes out of every pore.
There's not a whole lot to talk about. I was lied to to my face. I was the one deceived. And now I'm the unreasonable one?
Sigh. It's times like these that I'm glad my summer class is about to start. Research alone is not enough to distract me.
12 comments:
I've started to come to expect lying, from everyone. And then if I actually get the truth... well... it's a shocking bonus.
Expect the worst, and you're less likely to be disappointed -- it's a crappy way to live, but it works.
Sorry to hear about whatever the problem is, and I hope things resolve for you. :(
Unbalanced reaction,
Was this a professional or a personal matter? In professional matters, unfortunately, I have found that a lot of people don't tell the truth because they are either spineless or downright duplicitous.
Can you say a little more specifically what the issue is?
I am really sorry you are so upset...
When people lie to me, I always know that the problem lies with me. If people are afraid of telling me the truth, this means that I have done something to make them think I will not welcome them the way they are. Similarly, I only lie to those who deserve being lied to.
If the problem is professional, then I would not accept anything verbal. I try to get it writing in an email. I've learned quickly that colleagues and deans have other agendas.
Unlike Clarissa, I think people are more likely to lie to you when they themselves wouldn't be reacting well to it if they were in your position than because you gave them reasons to believe you wouldn't react well.
I've had more than once people lying to my face to avoid me reacting negatively to something shitty they had done, knowing full well it was shitty, and not realizing the fact that they were lying to me would hurt much more than whatever they were covering for.
And that's on the personal level. Professionally, most people lie without thinking about it because they think it to be part of the game.
I'm guessing it's mostly not the lying but the liar has told you you're silly to expect truthfulness. "This is the way people do things", "Don't be so naive" and other bullshit.
I've seen this- manipulation from the liars. It's harder to take than the lying, for my money. I remember my own particular experience well (with someone who had workplace power over me), and it still makes me furious to think about.
It's manipulation, pure and simple. When you are ready, you can call them on it.
oh, Pea has it spot on.. the reverse "don't blame me, you're the one with unreasonable expectations" as Truth is an unresonable thing? pah.
UR> I'm sorry. I have had a recent let down too, a lie to my face and it was disguised as a "I don't know why they would think that" which was, in hindsight, so blatantly obvious.
If the lie is professional, I'd go with my motto (as was EtBr) I have come to expect lies more than truth since it seems more likely. On a personal level, I think I might be very bad to ask since I got lied to and it hurt a lot and it's still sore...
Hope you can work it out (and maybe get them back. I know revenge is bad for everyone involved but sometimes it is good to yank that confidence back since it is hard to feel decieved and fooled without feeling like a fool.) and not turn Bitter!
It was (mostly) personal. You've all given me a lot to think about.
UR: your post and these comments made me thinking again,.... and I ended up writing a little post of my own to vent it all out. I linked here - hope that is ok. otherwise, let me know. (I think I have a smaller reader group though so I don't think it would be a problem?)
Not a problem--thanks! I'm looking forward to reading what other people say.
Go check it out, everyone! :)
Suck.
There are, unfortunately, people who just lie (more than the usual "white" lie or what people say sometimes to avoid talking or answering questions, like "fine" etc). For these people, lying has nothing to do with how comfortable they feel around another person or whether they even trust another person. Often they don't, and they often expect that others are liers just like themselves, because it's the only thing they relate to. I prefer to trust and find out I was wrong later than to second guess others all the time.
Post a Comment