Some of my coworkers insist that men and women are treated the same at my college.
Really?
'Cause I'm pretty sure my male coworkers have never had any of the following told to them / asked of them:
- I'm glad you don't have kids; you really have your work priorities in order.
- Breast feeding isn't that big of a deal. You can do the...uh...pump thing in your office just fine. (Said by a male coworker to a female coworker)
- X (a female) must be hormonal.
- Why is X (a female) asking for a sabbatical? Didn't she just get maternity leave a year ago?
- I don't know why X (a female) needs maternity leave. When my wife had a baby, I was back to work the next week. (huh??!)
- I can't believe X (a female) would bring her child to work this one time!
- I think X (a male) is AMAZING for bringing his child to work this one time! What a lucky wife he has!
- Don't have kids until after tenure. Of course, I legally can't tell you that. Wink wink.
- Have kids soon before you get too old to carry them.
- Can you go talk to Undergrad (a female) about her boobs? (Seriously)
Okay, please share.
Oh, and men: please share the things that female coworkers DARE to say to you, if you're feeling brave.
11 comments:
My personal favorite is, "When are you going to have a baby?" Usually, it's said in a kind of an accusatory tone people don't employ even with those they want to have their baby.
I usually hear this question at least once a week. At this point, I have run out of polite ways to avoid discussing my procreation or lack thereof.
I also got the comment "Yeah, it's a good idea to wait until after tenure to have kids." This was said to me after four of our TT male profs' wives all had kids in the past year.
I get a lot of older students wanting to tell me all the details of their gynecological health issues. Talk about effective contraception!
My favorite comment has been "Why bother finishing your PhD if you're just going to have kids?".
Mine are usually along the lines of "helpful" advice that I won't been seen as a serious scientist once I have a boyfriend/get married because it's apparently inevitable that if I do I'll become part of the leaky pipeline. As if a stable relationship is what causes children (or that children are what cause the leaky pipeline)... *sigh*
A TT faculty member here who's won national awards and major RO1 funding - at least one (male) faculty member implied (to me!) she wasn't serious about research because she had a child. A child "her husband wanted more than her" (her students' claim) and required her to miss less than 3 months of work (not a problem for same students).
Oh, it makes me angry...
~Pharm Sci Grad
I got "So, on to babies now?" after finishing my PhD.
I also heard "Pff, women who give birth get maternity leave then that time gets added to the lenght of their (PhD) contract. Why don't we get that?" Although this does raise deeper issues of roles assumed by both parents in caring for children, this particular comment was not said in such a deep context...
My favorite was said by a woman PI to her graduating student (my best friend, a woman, who happened to be married to another student - they defended the same day), "So, when is the F1 generation coming".
Geek.
So strange to hear those things come out of female faculty... They've had to deal with it - why perpetuate the cycle?
When I told my dept chair I was pregnant -the response was...
"Oh dear, that's brave. Perhaps we should re-think about going up for tenure next year and wait for two years since you can delay if you want."
FYI - I have major R01 funding, NSF funding, 5 peer reviewed research articles as senior author, and a Science paper that came out the week before I told the chair. The department was very supportive of early tenure before, but now it is a mixed bag...
I am a female, but when a male colleague was putting in for some time off (3 weeks i think) for the birth of his first child his boss snidely remarked how he was back at work the next day after all his kids were born. Current boss also called a male colleague's leave "maternity leave" sort of derisively. This sort of thing fills me with despair, it's as if the younger men have been raised to do better but the older men still feel it's their duty to train them how to "be real men" so the cycle can perpetuate itself.
I'm not in education, but speaking as a corporate women I completely agree with you. My favourite one was...
" Do you think you can handle this job with kids?"
Ass.
While I was getting my masters and working in a lab full time, one of our collaborators urged my to apply for a PHD program. His thoughts were in summary: your smart and attractive some guy could come along marry you then you'll have kids and never get your PHD. Get into a PHD program now before your womb holds you back... Why is the assumption just because he considers me attractive obviously I'll get married? Homely girls must have to depend on their brains. For the record I don't view myself as attractive or not ... my worth depends on the sum of my qualities. Why does getting married mean leaving I HAVE to my dreams behind? Why does getting married mean I have to have kids?
Overall I bet he would NEVER say most of this to a guy.
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