I promise I worked really hard!

Is it just me, or does this batch of undergrads seem especially eager to please?  I had a number of students email me at the end of the semester to reiterate (or, in some cases, indicate for the very first time) how hard they worked this semester.

That part I get.  They don't want me to judge them for their low grade, they really did care about my class, etc. etc.

The next part I don't understand.  A significant number of these "hard workers" then go on ask for a grade increase solely based on their effort.


I find that pretty shocking.  Not the part where they think hard work is the only indicator for a grade.  The part where they would actually ASK for a higher grade based on their perceived effort and not product.


I doubt that this is the strangest post-finals request out there.  Get any particularly awesome ones this year?

Academic workers' comp

"What did you do?  Poke yourself with a pencil?  Massive paper cut?"  My mother laughed after I told her I got injured at work last week.

This particular injury of mine was quite the gusher.  It was a pretty dumb injury, so I didn't bother going to the ER (although it probably could have used a stitch or two).

Dumbness aside, it actually WAS work-related.  And I've had students do all kinds of things to themselves in lab (mostly unintentionally).

What's the worst on-the-job injury you've seen/had?  And does anyone take it seriously when you come home and say "honey, I hurt myself in the classroom....again" ?

School's out for summer!

It's been a rough semester for me.  Lots of school things.  Lots of unbloggable things.

But!

It is summer!

While some consider spring to be a time of renewal, I think summer is really where it's at.  Without classes or committee meetings to distract me, I can think about new teaching strategies and make significant research progress.  Spring cleaning?  Forget about it-- I've got too many piles of exams and lab reports.  Summer cleaning is more my style.

So let's kick off the summer right.  What are you hoping to get accomplished this summer?  Getting that paper out?  Planning a new course?  Making some moolah teaching summer school?   Finding some balance with a nice vacay or staycation?  Share your plans below (or link to your post).  I'll round 'em up later this week.

Nook it or book it?

While I take a moment to ponder the on-going comments on summer salaries, I thought I'd bring up another pressing issue in my life: to book it or nook it?

I've been actively pursing my research and life new year's resolutions.  While my research resolutions aren't going so well, I am happy to report that I am kicking ass at life.... or at least my life-related resolution of reading X books in 2011.

Is it time to bite the bullet and get a Kindle?  Or a nook?  Or some other reader?


Anyone have strong feelings about Kindles, Nooks, or books?

I want something that lets me download books cheaply and re-read them.  Go.

Do your parents "get" you?

I have a lot of friends in various stages of the tenure process at PUIs around the country.  In contrast, only a handful of my friends/acquaintances are at research institutions.

One friend in particular has had quite the productive academic career already (and I mean pro-duc-tive!).  I have no doubt that many accolades and awesomeness are in store for him.

The other day, we were chatting about some of his academic successes.  A thought popped into my head, forcing me to interrupt our conversation.  "Do your parents understand what you do?"  I asked.  "Do they fully appreciate your achievements?"

I often wonder about the relationship of such research rock stars with their parents.  Do their parents understand the rock star nature of their kids' careers?  I have to wonder, as I don't have that problem.

This is a result of:

1.  My parents are in academia.

2.  I'm not a research rock star.  Duh.


But seriously, what is up?  For those of you with non-academic parents, do you have to constantly explain your work?  Or do you just not discuss it?  And isn't that weird?

Measuring the semester

This morning, I was wondering where the semester had gone.  What have I been doing with my time?

As I pondered the passing days, I glanced down at my hands.  The sides of my fingers and my forearm are stained red.

Oh, that's right, I remembered.  I've been spending the semester GRADING.




Yes, my lovelies, I've been in grading hell.  You can measure my semester by the spent red pens in the wastebasket.


By what do you measure YOUR semester?  Empty pipet boxes?  Drained ink cartridges?

'Twas the night before the exam...

It's less than twelve hours until the exam.

I shouldn't have checked my email.  It's the end of the semester; my blood pressure just can't handle it.



Prof. Reaction,


I'm sick so I can't take the exam tomorrow.  When can I re-take it?  I think I will feel better by Thursday.


Undergrad



I did what I suspect many of you would have done:  I logged out of my email, shut my laptop, and poured myself another glass of wine.


Cheers to the end of another semester!

Time to give thanks

It's that time of the year where, like it or not, you're probably going to have to hold hands around a turkey and state for what you're most thankful.

Now imagine if we had to do that at faculty meetings.

Most of the time, not-so-nice things are said at faculty meetings.  Hell, most of the time we DON'T have much for which we can give thanks.

So imagine that you're at a faculty meeting (or group meeting).  Go get an extra piece of pie if it helps.  What do YOU need to give thanks for this year?

Grad school: best of times or worst of times?

It seems that each week I am asked to tell my Tales From Grad School to another Undergrad.  I am always honest about my grad experiences, which, as some of you know, boarded on the semi-awful to the what-the-hell-was-I-thinking awful.

Of course I'd do it all over again!

This past week, an Undergrad commented that he had thought grad school sounded like so much fun, but then after talking with all the profs, he wasn't so sure.

Oops.

Are you honest with your undergrads about your grad school experiences?  And on the scale of awful, where did (does) your grad school life fall?

Smile-- you're on candid lab video!

Excimer over at carbon-based curiosities recently wrote about the lab sabotage scandal at UM.

The sabotage was ultimately confirmed by video from some hidden cameras. One was placed by a lab fridge and the other in the cold room.

After reading about the situation, two thoughts immediately popped into my head:

1. Wow, I'm glad the culprit got caught.

2. I wonder how many saboteurs do NOT get caught?

After stewing on the latter for a bit, I had to wonder about the hidden cameras.

There were times in grad school that I could have sworn that The Boss had us under surveillance. We as a group often joked about it.

But what if there really WAS a lab version of a Nanny Cam? Where would it go? A beaker wouldn't work, but the back of the hood has some possibilities. Or a pipet stand. Or one of the empty boxes that get stored on the top of the reagent shelves for three years for no good reason.

Just imagine the things a PI would suddenly be privy to. Happy data dances? Tears of frustration? Lab altercations?

What lab behaviors do YOU hope stay hidden from your PI (or from your students)?

Journal clubs: useful or useless?

In grad school, my division did not have a journal club. I knew many, many (particularly bio-oriented research divisions) that did.

The grad students I knew were split pretty evenly with respect to their feelings about mandatory journal clubs. Some thought it was extremely helpful. Others....not so much.

Back then, while I had a vague sense that journal club probably had some value, mostly I thought it was a waste of time.

Now, I'm thinking of starting a version of a journal club with my undergraduate researchers. Is that sick or what?

So tell me. Are journal clubs useful? How were yours run?

What would be your last meal?

That's what N.A. asked me on a recent car ride.

For once, I was speechless.

I couldn't come up with a favorite entree. For a starter, I like a garden salad with thicky, chunky blue cheese dressing or perhaps a good caesar salad. Dessert is going to be either some marble chocolate cake or cannolis. Are there cake-cannolo combos? 'Cause that would be my pick.

When it comes to main dishes, however, I remain stumped. I have foods that I like, but I couldn't come up with anything that I would consider worthy of a final meal.

Have I lost my zest for life? Has my unrefined palate finally caught up to me? Are my senses dulled by too many "dinners" of chocolate and crackers?

Battery power countdown

A power company representative just came by the house to tell us that they are shutting off the power. For an undetermined amount of time.

Did I mention it is in the triple digits?

As I watch the battery power percentage tick down (53%), it reminds me of how, when I was younger, I would joyfully count down the last days of summer. I was so excited to get back to school. What a nerd.

In grad school, I counted down the start of the fall semester with dread. The attacking undergrads took much from us feeble grad students, such as parking, bus seats, and prime spots in the cafeteria line.

As a prof, I once again look to the start of the semester with excitement. The nerd has returned!

I wonder how many more years I have until I begin dreading the fall semester.

I'm now at 42% battery life with just a few weeks until school starts. My colleagues keep (at times, bitterly) reminding me of how little time we have left.

I think I might need a new battery for my Mac. No doubt that my colleagues need some more vacation time!

Friday Fill in the blanks: making students cry

The surest way to make a student cry is to __________________________.

(While there are 1000s of ways, I'm sure, to cause a student to shed tears, in my experience, the fastest way is to say "it's okay; don't cry!")

Who's afraid of the dark?

Yes, I am a grown woman. With a Ph.D. And I'm afraid of the dark.

I'm afraid of things that go bump in the night. Plus, Puppy Freaks! Out! when the power goes out.

Which it did. Tonight. With N.A. out of town.



To remedy this, I lit all the candles in the house.

Unfortunately, they all are scented. The power is back on, but my house smells like lemongrass-pineapple mango-fresh grass-sand&sun*.

Yum.



*For the record, N.A. bought the sand and sun candle. For reals.

Rude awakening

This morning I changed up my usual schedule. Boy, did I come to regret that decision.

Most mornings, I go right from bed to the shower. Then I pry open my eyes wide enough to make some coffee.

Today, for some unknown (stupid?) reason, I skipped the shower and coffee and started putting away dishes. Barely awake, I opened the storage drawer below the oven. Forgetting one tiny detail: N.A. placed a mouse trap there last night. And it was occupied.

I've never moved so quickly in the morning. Stereotypically, I screamed like a, well, like a girl and ran back to the bedroom to cower next to N.A.

Thankfully, he didn't make fun of me. He calmly went to the drawer, removed the trap and mouse, and (he later told me), mopped up the brains, blood, and mouse pee. Gotta love him.

Meanwhile, if you could please excuse me because I think I'm going to go swoon on the couch now.

Visiting Vixens

Last year, as many of you know, I was a visiting ass. at a small college. Now I'm well into my first year on the tenure track at a similar small college. I know that this year has been much, much easier as a direct result as my year as a V. ass. (Although it still sucks. Boy, does it suck.) While I wouldn't recommend a visiting position for someone who wants to go the R1 route, it could be a really good fit for someone wanting to go the small undergraduate college path.

Being a visiting prof (see * below) has all the advantages of being on the tenure track without most of the crap.

Crap that comes with the tenure track that you avoid as a Visiting Vixen:

- Committees. It is very rare to be assigned to a committee as a visitor. Do I really need to elaborate?

- Advisees. Yes, we all love advising students on how to find a path other than pre-med (insert eye roll here). They are also a huge time suck. It is very, very rare for Visiting Vixens to be given formal advisees.

- Faculty meetings! While some schools might think it's a good idea to attend, the presence of Visiting Ass.es is not usually required. Again, I don't think I need to explain why not having to attend faculty meetings is AWE-SOME.

- Research pressure! Research is rarely an expectation for a visiting prof. I got very little done beyond thinking and sketching out of a few research plans. If you want to go to a top tier small liberal arts college, you are going to want to get significant research done while a visitor. If you are aiming a little lower, and research done as a VV will be viewed as a bonus.

-Teaching pressure! A Visiting Ass. is just that. Visiting. Unless your position somehow can convert into a tenure-track situation, your teaching evaluations will never really be used for anything. I'm not saying that you should go in there and completely suck. BUT. Since you aren't going to be evaluated on what your students write, it can really give you freedom in the classroom. Try something new without worrying about what will show up on your teaching evaluations.



Again, if you want to have graduate students and do NIH R01-worthy research, visiting positions aren't for you. Do a post-doc. with someone awesome and get lots of publications. If you are wrapping up your PhD and want to work with undergraduates at a mid tier PUI, a Visiting Ass. position can be a great fit. If you are like me, having a year to work on your teaching and really sort out your research goals will greatly benefit you once the tenure clock starts.



*IF you have supportive, enjoyable colleagues who are willing to give you mentoring. And understand that you will be on the job market, like, the SECOND that you arrive at your temporary home. And will hopefully be traveling for interviews during November, December, January, and maybe even October and February, too.

Teaching under the influence?

There is perhaps nothing more entertaining to students than a professor teaching under the influence of lots of cold medication.

Yes, folks, I decided (by this I mean that my germy students decided..) to welcome February in with one heck of a flu case. Buckets of hand sanitizer have been evaporated. It's possible that I'm now addicted to pseudoephedrine. My nose is puffy, red, and shredded.

My lectures were...interesting...this past week. Students actually didn't catch on that I was sick until Thursday. One student commented that they all were placing bets on how much coffee I had consumed pre-lecture. (aw, how sweet).


I have certainly lectured in a worse state. There was the time I gave a lecture, only to realize later that I had a fever of 103 F. The week that I guest lectured during an allergic reaction (one that made it impossible for me to keep any food or liquid down) was particularly memorable for me.

Obviously, none of us want to infect our students. But sometimes, you just have to suck it up and get through the 60 minutes.

What's the worst state that you've been in during lecture?

Humorless?

"This movie," the Target cashier assured me as he handed over our newly purchased copy of The Hangover, "will crack you up. Seriously, I wish I could be there to see your face."

Um, ick?

N.A. promised that I would want to watch it over and over.


Ugh. The Hangover was not funny. It was kind of gross, actually.



Am I losing my sense of humor?

Finally, a vacation!

N.A. and I finally got to enjoy a day of post-semester vacation together. No parents. No extended family. No friends. No travel. No cooking. No neighbors. No leaving the house.

So what did we do?

Well, a whole lot of nothing. We played with puppy. We watched a House marathon. We ate lots of leftovers. I did laundry, and N.A. did the dishes.

All in all, a very uneventful, boring day.


It was wonderful!