Science resolutions at a PUI

Happy last day of 2010!

Some of you might be super happy to see it go, while others had a fabulous year (hmm...I smell a blog roundup/carnival?).

Now is the time when we make our resolutions for the upcoming year.  My life is split up into three main categories, Teaching, Research, and Life.  (I'll save how they each make up my day for a later post...I don't want to freak out any of you considering PUI positions....it is the holidays, after all.)  Because of this, I always make resolutions for each area of my life.

In past years, my teaching resolution has been let's just get through this.  Now that I'm more established, I feel like I can start focusing on specific areas.

For research, I just want some damn publications.  To get publications, you have to just suck it up and write up your stuff.  While this might sound very easy, particularly to those of you at research institutions, I assure you it is not.  Doing research at a PUI brings in many new issues with respect to publishing.*  The pace of research is much, much slower.  Funding is a huge issue.  Just getting your institution to agree to matching funds can be a giant hurdle.  And how are you going to write a grant when you have two new preps?  Something I didn't expect was how intimidating it would be to submit publications under my new institution rather than LargeU.  Call me crazy, but work done at small PUI is viewed differently than work completed at Big Name Research U.

For Life, I usually resolve to keep a better balance between life and work.  Ha.  For 2011, I'm going to keep it more attainable.  I am going to read more (Any!!) non-work books.  I have a number in my head that I'd like to reach by Dec 2011, but I'm going to keep it there, for now.


Have you made any resolutions for 2011?



*while perhaps these issues aren't specific to PUIs, I never encountered them as a grad student.  Maybe this is because I wasn't the PI, but I believe it has more to do with institution reputation and the emphasis on research at R1s.

My winter break gift to you

I know you have been curious.  "Whatever will UR give us this year?" You wondered.

Here it is, my friends.  My 2010 gift to you: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ 


I laugh so hard I cry.  I hope you do the same.

You guard so hard!

"Dr. Reaction guarded the class too hard."


Ah, course evaluations.


The time of year when we get to see our students' perceptions of our teaching.  Personally, I find course evaluations extremely useful.

But really what I live for are the typos.  Students fill these suckers out at the end of the semester.  They are exhausted, so occasionally the wrong word gets substituted.  Even better when this changes the meaning of the sentence.

So yes, apparently I guarded the class a bit much this semester.  I had a feeling building that moat was a mistake.



What was your best eval response for 2010?

28 is the magic work number

You can take the workaholic out of the office....

For as long as I can remember, December 28th has always been The Day.  

The Day that I start getting twitchy about not doing work.  The Day that I can no longer justify sleeping 10 hours a night because "I need to catch up from the semester."  The Day that I crack a textbook/paper/whatever to try to make some (teeny tiny) progress towards my massive winter break to-do list.

In college this typically consisted of working on essays for summer research applications.  In grad school it varied, depending on the year.  Some December 28ths I needed to study for prelims, others I worked on a paper. On one Very Special December 28th, I worked on job talks.

Now my December 28ths generally consist of picking at syllabi.  I really do enjoy the syllabus writing process, so it isn't that bad.  This December 28th I am working on a new prep.  This class promises to be very, very fun, so I am greatly enjoying picking out course readings and suggested problems.

N.A., of course, thinks I'm insane, but he has learned not to question my need for December 28th.  His magic work number typically falls some where between Jan 2 and 6th, depending on the year.

Do you have a magic work number?

Best lab decorations ever: conference poster snowflakes!

Have you seen the snowflakes made out of old conference posters? There's a great example over at Better Posters. I believe Dr. Becca originally tweeted a picture of it.


I guess I need to take my undergrads to some more conferences. Once we can replace the posters currently on the walls, just imagine the possibilities. Large-scale origami cranes with references on their wings. Paper dolls made out of data. Graph-filled snowflakes.  


Do you think my dean will use "I need more snowflake material" as a good reason to fund my travel requests?

Happy..uh...Merry....ah, screw it.

What do you greet people with this time of year?

Some people argue that Jesus is the reason for the season.  "Merry Christmas all the way," they say. Others emphatically state that we all must stick to the politically correct "happy holidays."

What to say in the classroom?  I completely skirt the issue by sending my departing students off with a "happy winter break!"

After all, I believe that a month off from students is the reason for MY season.

The syllabus stands alone

When a problem arises with a class, very frequently it can be traced back to the syllabus.  Without crystal clear course and grading policies, there can be wiggle room for students to complain about an eye-boggling array of course-related issues.

Some of my colleagues rely on syllabus amendments.  At some schools, you must have a class vote to make modifications to your syllabus.  Other institutions require department head or dean approval.

I don't make changes to my syllabi.  I ensure that they are air-tight by running them past colleagues, the head of the department, and faculty outside of my department.

I've learned from my syllabus mistakes from the past, and I haven't had any syllabus-related problems in the last year.  With some new preps for me on the horizon, we'll see if I can maintain that streak.

An end-of-the-semester tradition

We all have our end-of-the-semester routines.


Some of my colleagues clean their offices, dumping unneeded papers into the shredder with glee.

Others gladly share their gourmet gifts from students in the office kitchen (side note: why don't I ever get semester gifts from students?).

My end-of-the-semester tradition?  I sleep for 12 hours straight.

This started in college.  Once my finals were done, I would bid goodnight to my roommates and only emerge 12 hours later.  In grad school, I would go home for the holidays for about a week.  My family knew not to mock my excessive first night of sleep.

I thought this would change once I became a prof.   On the contrary, it seems to have become even more of a necessity.  N.A. thinks my semester's end pseudo-hibernation is cute.  Bless him.



So I apologize if I don't get caught up on your wonderful blogs right now-- I've got some sleeping to do!

Why do students do THAT?

I do not understand why my students insist on calculating what minimum grade they need on the final to get X grade in my class.

Is this really motivating?

Does it actually help to know you need a 106% to get a C in the class?  If you only need an 86% to get an A, will you only study an 86% worth?  If you know there is no chance to pass/get an A/whatever, are you still going to be motivated to study?


Why do students do that?

'Twas the night before the exam...

It's less than twelve hours until the exam.

I shouldn't have checked my email.  It's the end of the semester; my blood pressure just can't handle it.



Prof. Reaction,


I'm sick so I can't take the exam tomorrow.  When can I re-take it?  I think I will feel better by Thursday.


Undergrad



I did what I suspect many of you would have done:  I logged out of my email, shut my laptop, and poured myself another glass of wine.


Cheers to the end of another semester!

You won't like all of your students

Perhaps this isn't shocking to you.

But when I was first told this at my first faculty orientation meeting, I was doubtful.  Sure, I had experienced unpleasant moments with students in the past, but I certainly didn't dislike any of them.  I am completely objective!  How could I dislike my students?  I will be the picture perfect fair and balanced professor.  I want to teach!  I live for teaching!  I will adore all of my students, and they will adore me!!


Ha.


Fast forward a few semesters.

Call me Professor Cranky, but there are several students that hang around the science complex that I just don't like.  The funny thing is that none of them are currently in my classes.  I guess that is fortunate.

I have no doubts that if I were to have some of these "special personalities" in a future class that I would be completely objective.  But I certainly won't complain if some of these kids hurry up and graduate.

At clothing capacity?

This past weekend, something happened for the first time since October.

I finally got to the bottom of the laundry hamper.

I do laundry every weekend.  I start with two to three loads of NA's laundry, then one for Puppy's bedding, one for towels, and one for sheets.  By the time I get to my laundry, I usually stop after two loads.  There are the random clothes at the bottom of the hamper that can't quite make a full load.  Will I need those flannel PJ bottoms before the next weekend?  Am I going to wear that handwashable item this week?   The answer (until yesterday) was no.

And so at the bottom of the hamper, the random clothes remained.

But this past weekend, I finally made the time to do that last half-load of laundry.  As I hung up the (finally) washed clothes in my closet, I made a startling discovery: I'd unknowingly bought two of the same navy blue, long sleeved shirts in the last three months.

If my overflowing hamper wasn't telling me, I suppose now it is confirmed: it's time to stop buying clothes.  

Is there a dress code for undergrads?

I am taking my undergraduate researchers to the Very Big Conference this spring.  And boy, are they excited.

One of them is so excited that she is asking her parents for "conference clothes" for Christmas.


When she told me this, my first thought was aw, aren't my undergrads great?

As I smiled at my undergrad, another question wiggled its way to the front of my brain:  crap!  What am I going to tell her to buy?

Obviously, I'm not going to recommend that she buy a skirt.  But should she wear a suit at the conference? Or just some business casual wear?

Is the dress code different for male undergrads?


Clearly conference dress varies wildly among faculty.  Some follow a business casual code, while others are more the jeans and polo type.


So what about undergrads?  Do you care what your undergrads wear to conferences?  What do you think of undergrads who show up in a suit?  Does the dress of students at all reflect upon their faculty member?

Time to give thanks

It's that time of the year where, like it or not, you're probably going to have to hold hands around a turkey and state for what you're most thankful.

Now imagine if we had to do that at faculty meetings.

Most of the time, not-so-nice things are said at faculty meetings.  Hell, most of the time we DON'T have much for which we can give thanks.

So imagine that you're at a faculty meeting (or group meeting).  Go get an extra piece of pie if it helps.  What do YOU need to give thanks for this year?

Thanksgiving: time to toil or reason to rest?

There is a post up over on insidehighered.com that discusses how one's choice to work (or not) over Thanksgiving break is reflective of daily work habits.  While I don't necessarily agree with the article, it did get me thinking about how I approach the holidays.

I'm grateful for the break from classes.  By this time of year, my students are mostly tired of me, and, to be very honest, I'm tired of some of them, too.

In grad school, I rarely took Thanksgiving off.  Free parking and empty labs?  Sign! Me! Up!

But now?  I am a professor!!

Wait....where is the super hero music?  (Wow....it's quieter here than my class was last Friday.  Tough crowd.)


This week, I plan to work the first half, spend Thursday and Friday with the Puppy and N.A. (and copious amounts of Pie), and then work most of the weekend to finish up grading.  Hopefully somewhere in there I will make the time to catch up on the blogosphere.

I would like to think that my students will find time to get some work done over break, too.


...but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.

Why I hate registration week

In the past two weeks I've received at least 34 variations of the following:

Yo Prof Reaction,
I know that I am number 32 on your wait list, but can I please, please PLEASE get into your class next semester?  My current prof, like, totally sucks, and I've heard that you are SUPER amazing.  I know that I will only do well if I have you because you are, like, sooooo amazing.  I can't possibly still take my other four perfect profs' classes if I'm not in your section.  Please, is there anything I can do to get into your class?  I hope that you will consider moving me ahead of the other students.


Thanks so much,
Undergrad



I've received such pleas via email.  I've had messages left on my voicemail.  The worst by far are the teary pleas made in person.


As a result, in the past two weeks, I've had to deliver at least 34 variations of the following:

Undergrad,
Thank you for your kind words.  If I can find alternative schedules for you  in < 1 minute then no, I do not believe your world will end if you do not have me as your professor next semester.  Otherwise I would definitely move you ahead of the other 31 students ahead of you in line.  I am not sure if your desire to take my class has more to do with your misconceived notion that I am easy or you  are implying that none of my colleagues could possibly teach to the same amazing level that I do.  


I recommend that you enroll in one of the many, many open seats in another section.  


Best,
Dr. Reaction








Okay, so my email replies actually look something like this:

Undergrad,


Thank you for your kind words.  As number 32 on the wait list, it is highly unlikely that you will get into the class.  I suggest that you arrange your schedule to accommodate one of the other open sections of this course.


Best,


Dr. Reaction






Is it winter break yet?

I judge you by your science

I just un-friended someone on Facebook because they posted some really bad science on their wall.




What type of bad science would cause YOU to un-friend someone?

Grad school: best of times or worst of times?

It seems that each week I am asked to tell my Tales From Grad School to another Undergrad.  I am always honest about my grad experiences, which, as some of you know, boarded on the semi-awful to the what-the-hell-was-I-thinking awful.

Of course I'd do it all over again!

This past week, an Undergrad commented that he had thought grad school sounded like so much fun, but then after talking with all the profs, he wasn't so sure.

Oops.

Are you honest with your undergrads about your grad school experiences?  And on the scale of awful, where did (does) your grad school life fall?

Cushy conference accommodations?

I'm on my way back home after a week-long conference.  Although I didn't travel with students on this conference, I typically do.

When I was an undergrad, we crammed into hotel rooms.  Four or five of us to a room.  Always shared beds.  Even as a grad student, if other female students from LargeU were attending, we shacked up together.  Often beds were shared.

One of my colleagues feels that undergrads shouldn't share beds.  But only two students to a room?  That's just not practical in most cases.

What hotel arrangements do you make for your research students?  

Friday fill in the blanks: that's pretty dumb

The dumbest thing I saw this week was ______________ .





The dumbest thing I saw this week was monogrammed cars.  WTF.  Back to a (semi)regularly scheduled blogging schedule after this conference is over.

Should professors get mental health training?

As a professor, every day you experience a TMI moment.  Or four.  Students tell us things they haven't yet told their friends or parents.

Like it or not, you're going to be the recipient of a lot more information and emotion than you probably want.  Some situations don't require much of a response.  For example, when students inform me that they have a bladder infection, I really don't need to add much to the conversation.

But what about if a student confides that she is pregnant?  Or getting an abortion?  Or has been assaulted?

What do you do if a student loses a parent?  If a student has a manic episode in lab?  If a student has a psychotic break in your classroom?  If a student is suicidal?

What if a student comes to class belligerently drunk?  Or is disruptive to other students in class?  Or is verbally abusive towards you during a lecture?

I've experienced the majority of these in my relatively short teaching career.  While you can't prepare for every possible teaching or student scenario, a certain amount of preparation and anticipation can go a long way.  Training in proper ways to deal with these situations can go a long way.  Just knowing what office or department to call helps, too.

I've had a lot of training in crisis management.  I have participated in numerous training sessions on how to handle some of the situations I've mentioned above.  At my current institution, very little training if offered on how to deal with problem or troubled students.

I'm wondering if this is true across the board.  Have you received training in how to deal with students who approach you will some of the above issues?  Or do you think profs don't deal with these issues?  Or that we have to?

Adjusting expectations at a PUI

I'm a tenure track professor at a predominately undergraduate institution (PUI).  Current grad students often ask me what's the most important thing I've learned about my job.  In my opinion, the most helpful thing I've learned in my first two years here is to adjust expectations.

I've adjusted my expectations about scholarship.  With my undergraduates only spending four to six hours a week on research, I have had to recalibrate with respect to research productivity.  Research tasks that would take me a week to accomplish might take my students all semester.  I don't anticipate submitting a paper before June.

I have also lowered my expectations about the strength of incoming students.  I've found that I can't take for granted that my freshmen are coming into college with the math and writing skills that I would expect.  More time is taken in the first semester to bring all students up to speed on written communication and problem solving.  Would it be awesome to just teach to the top 10% of my class?  Of course.  Would it get me tenure?  I doubt it.

Perhaps the biggest adjustment is to the state of funding.  My start up funds were not too terrible, but I can't bank them for next year.  I have to spend everything up and just hope I can get enough preliminary results to warrant a Big Funding Agency to decide that I deserve to be in the special top 13% group (or whatever the funding line is).  There are essentially no internal funds here, so I have to get outside funding.  This is a daunting enough of a task at a research institution, let alone at a PUI.  And so I've learned to not be surprised by the lack of internal and external funds here.  What if I run out of money next year?  Me stressing about the worst case scenario certainly won't help my undergrads be more productive.  All I can do is keep truckin'.



Now, should I passively accept subpar students or a paucity of funding?  Of course not.

But it certainly helps me maintain my sanity if I can adjust my expectations for the time being.

Drinking with students?

In grad school, it was a given that profs and students drank together.  After all, no one can work that many hours for that little glory without a serious cocktail habit.  (or maybe that was just me?)

If you teach at a PUI, the majority of your students are under 21.  I certainly wouldn't go grab a beer after classes with any of them.  THAT is frowned upon here.



But what about at conferences?  Drinking is an integral part of research conferences.  (or maybe that is just me?)

If an undergrad is 21, would you invite them out with a group of colleagues for drinks?  What about former group members from grad school?

They're out to get me!

...or so claim my students.


We're at midterms.  A few things are guaranteed to happen.


1.  Advisees will cry in my office.  Daily.

2.  Coworkers will beat the photo copier into submission.  Daily.

3.  Students will claim there is a Great Professor Conspiracy (GPC).


Oooo!  A conspiracy, you say?

Didn't you know that all professors meet, pre-classes, to decide to put exams all on the same day?  No?  You didn't know that all professors not only meet to decide this, but actually ENJOY the pain that this inflicts upon their students?


Yeah.  So this is what a small group of students claim every year.  I'm sure you have some students that propose a similar GPC.  ....right?

Things I Don't Think My Male Coworkers Have to Hear

Some of my coworkers insist that men and women are treated the same at my college.

Really?

'Cause I'm pretty sure my male coworkers have never had any of the following told to them / asked of them:


- I'm glad you don't have kids; you really have your work priorities in order.

- Breast feeding isn't that big of a deal.  You can do the...uh...pump thing in your office just fine.  (Said by a male coworker to a female coworker)

- X (a female) must be hormonal.

-  Why is X (a female) asking for a sabbatical?  Didn't she just get maternity leave a year ago?

- I don't know why X (a female) needs maternity leave.  When my wife had a baby, I was back to work the next week.  (huh??!)

- I can't believe X (a female) would bring her child to work this one time!

- I think X (a male) is AMAZING for bringing his child to work this one time!  What a lucky wife he has!

- Don't have kids until after tenure.  Of course, I legally can't tell you that.  Wink wink.

- Have kids soon before you get too old to carry them.

- Can you go talk to Undergrad (a female) about her boobs?  (Seriously)






Okay, please share.


Oh, and men: please share the things that female coworkers DARE to say to you, if you're feeling brave.

Friday fill in the blanks: we're at midterms!

Back at the start of the semester, I never thought I ______________________.

Back at the start of the semester, I never thought I would be this far behind!  Yikes!

(I'm so far behind, I'm doing a Friday post on Saturday!

The Undergraduate Writing Process

This is EXACTLY how my students write their papers:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

What are you worth?

I've been thinking a lot about my work/life balance.  Or lack thereof, depending on what day it is.

The aspect of my non-work life that stresses me out the most is my house.  Although I love my home, taking care of it seriously stresses me out.  The changing of the seasons always causes some insects to come inside from the surrounding woods, an event that only makes me feel worse about my housekeeping skills.

As for the yard... oh, man.  I am thisclose to hiring someone to do the yard work for me.  One of my coworkers commented that it was ridiculous to pay someone else something I could do perfectly well on my own.  Up until recently, I agreed with him.  It would be a waste of money, right?

But this week I got to think about it more.  Sure, it might cost 50 bucks to have someone do my yard.  That would be 25 bucks per hour.  Could I do the yard myself in two hours?  Probably.

But you know what?  My time is worth more than 25 bucks an hour.  That's right.  I'm worth more than $25/hour.


What are you worth?




In other news, I deleted (and then reinstated) my blog list in an attempt to fix the glitch with backlinks.  (Was I successful?  Who knows.  Thanks, blogger.)  I'm slowly repopulating it, so please leave a note if you haven't been added yet!

Friday fill in the blanks: compared to last year...

The students this year are ______________ compared to last year's.

I actually don't even know where to begin!

Smile-- you're on candid lab video!

Excimer over at carbon-based curiosities recently wrote about the lab sabotage scandal at UM.

The sabotage was ultimately confirmed by video from some hidden cameras. One was placed by a lab fridge and the other in the cold room.

After reading about the situation, two thoughts immediately popped into my head:

1. Wow, I'm glad the culprit got caught.

2. I wonder how many saboteurs do NOT get caught?

After stewing on the latter for a bit, I had to wonder about the hidden cameras.

There were times in grad school that I could have sworn that The Boss had us under surveillance. We as a group often joked about it.

But what if there really WAS a lab version of a Nanny Cam? Where would it go? A beaker wouldn't work, but the back of the hood has some possibilities. Or a pipet stand. Or one of the empty boxes that get stored on the top of the reagent shelves for three years for no good reason.

Just imagine the things a PI would suddenly be privy to. Happy data dances? Tears of frustration? Lab altercations?

What lab behaviors do YOU hope stay hidden from your PI (or from your students)?

Pondering a move

I said back in June that I wasn't going to go on the job market.

While N.A. and I didn't officially go to market, we came awfully close. Like, close enough that I had a cover letter drafted. Close enough that we had calculated how much money we would likely lose on the house.

Close enough for me to get excited about the possibilities.

I've had a lot of blog topics bouncing around in my head, but I haven't had the opportunity to give any time to formulize them. No energy.

Now that I'm past the great Job Scare of 2010, I should be more of a presence around here. Stay tuned for posts on such topics as academic accommodations, cheating (again. sigh.), workload, crappity crap, research with undergrads, and boobs. Yes, boobs.

Friday fill in the blanks: high point of the week

The highlight of my week was _____________.

(The highlight of my week was 7 pm this evening, when it ended.)

The role of gender in tenure

What would you do if someone in your department told you that you were going to get tenure because you are a woman?

What if they told you that your tenure packet was going to be reviewed less rigorously than a male colleague's?

Would it matter as much if the person saying this was outside of your department? What about at a different school? Or a spouse of a colleague?

Is my course prep normal?

When I started teaching, it took me four to six hours to prep a brand new lecture. Intro or not. No one told me if this was reasonable, but then again, I certainly didn't ask. I was exceptionally embarrassed by the sheer amount of time I spent before each 60 minute lecture.

I've since taught my intro class several times, but I still spend between 60-90 minutes on prep. Mostly I have ppt slides already prepared from previous years, but I still work out example problems for board work. I also usually need to make minor changes to slides for various reasons (new idea, new problems book, etc.) My upper level classes typically take three to five hours to prep. Still. Good grief.

My last post was a poll that inquired about your lecture prep time. Many of you clarified in the comments section about the different time requirements of different types of class preparations. Thank goodness for the clarifications, especially since my sweet CPP declared that the "poll makes no sense." (Love ya, CPPy! Is baseball season over yet?)

Many of you, I'm sure are faster at class prep. (I'm looking at you, GMP and Dr. Pion! And thanks for your enlightening posts!)

I want to work with JaneB! Care to join me, Namnezia and pika? JaneB wrote,

"My department has a workload model. It assumes 6 hours of prep time per new classroom hour and 2 hours per old (i.e. repeated) classroom hour, which is a general average across the whole (highly interdisciplinary) department."

That's pretty darn close to my current course prep times. Maybe I should think about relocating?

Question for you: how much do you prep?

Research with students

As many of you know, I am at a primarily undergraduate institution. I do all of my research with undergraduates.

While I have always assumed that the last statement goes without saying, I've recently learned that some of my peers do their research WITHOUT students.

Is this okay? Is it field dependent?

I always thought that it went without saying that the PI should, no matter what the classification of the school (or discipline, for that matter), do research with her students. Heck, even as a grad student I worked with undergrads.

So please tell me: is it okay or absurd to do research without students?

Friday fill in the blanks: my week was like...

The one word that best describes my week is _______________.

The one word that best describes my week is OVERWHELMING.

Reality TV mirrors a committee meeting!

I'm on a committee this year that is tasked with implementing a very, very big change for the entire college. There are lots of...um....strong personalities on this committee.

As a junior faculty member, I constantly hear "be seen but not heard!" The way this committee is set up, however, requires that I participate. The trouble is that there is this one committee member (who happens to be male) who is loud, opinionated, and somehow always gets his way. You might even call him a bully.

Man, do I need to borrow Tim Gunn for a day (or at least a morning).

How do you get your voice heard (so to speak) during committee work? Should The Untenured (dum dum DU-UUUUM!) be a silent group, or do you expect your junior faculty to voice their opinions?

Do you labor on Labor Day?

Those of us who don't have classes today get to choose whether or not to go into work. (right?)

I worked about a half day. I got some orders submitted, caught up on lecture notes, finished some grading, and fired off a dozen emails.

Do you take Labor Day off? Or do you view this as an opportunity for a catch-up, free parking day?

Yes, please assume I'm PMSing

The other day, I was talking with another colleague about the way that students perceive male vs. female professors. I stated that our male colleagues could simply get away with "more" in the classroom, without repercussions-- or even a reaction-- from their students. I gave the example of a male assistant prof in a nearby department who is know for his rants in the classroom. "I couldn't get away with that," I claimed. "Sure, I've spoken sternly to my class before, but if I full-on yelled at them, students wouldn't view it as 'oh, that's just Dr. R's way', like they do with X."

A student had been milling around in the hall. She piped up, "Yeah, your class would just think you were PMSing or on your period."

Holy crap.

I suppose people really do think/say stuff like this. I just haven't encountered such sentiments.... at least not to my face.

Am I just lucky (or maybe just naive)? Forget about my students. Are my male COLLEAGUES wondering if an occasional outburst is due to my monthly cycle? I mean, isn't this thinking terribly outdated....not to mention immature?

Friday Fill in the blanks: why do you blog?

The reason I blog is _________________.

The reason I blog is for the fame and popularity, clearly.*

*This post is in reference to a post up over at Dr. Girlfriend's place. In the side bar, you can vote for why YOU blog. Among the choices include "sharing your experience," "venting," and, my personal favorite, "fame and popularity." Please click on over to vote!

Dealing with problem students

One of my courses this semester has a significant amount of group work. This group work is mostly done in class. I try to let students sort out personality problems and group conflicts themselves. I generally only intervene if someone becomes a true disruption.

Is this the best approach? If you have someone in your lecture class that clearly annoys the rest of the class, do you step in? For group work, do you expect students to sort out issues themselves? Does it matter if we are talking about upperclassmen vs. freshmen?

Press 'n' Seal for the lab

Press 'n' Seal is like the parafilm of the kitchen, only BETTER!! I love this stuff. Anyone use it in lab yet?

Friday Fill in the blanks: start of the semester

You know the semester has started when ___________________.

(You know the semester has started when by 10 am you are already counting down the hours until you can crack open a beer. Or four.)

Journal clubs: useful or useless?

In grad school, my division did not have a journal club. I knew many, many (particularly bio-oriented research divisions) that did.

The grad students I knew were split pretty evenly with respect to their feelings about mandatory journal clubs. Some thought it was extremely helpful. Others....not so much.

Back then, while I had a vague sense that journal club probably had some value, mostly I thought it was a waste of time.

Now, I'm thinking of starting a version of a journal club with my undergraduate researchers. Is that sick or what?

So tell me. Are journal clubs useful? How were yours run?

Joe vs. the Volcano

I don't care if it has a cult following.

This movie is fucking stupid.

Then again, I might (according to some) have questionable movie tastes, as I also think the following movies are fucking stupid: all of the Lord of the Rings, the Goonies, Star Wars (old and new), The Princess Bride, and The Hangover.

Am I leaving any off?

Do you have academic dreams/nightmares?

It's the start of the year. Again.

Time for available parking to shrink, cafeteria lines to grow, and my free time to evaporate.

It's also time for classroom-related dreams. And nightmares.

I've had academic-related dreams before. When I first started my visiting ass. job, I had the same dream, every night, for weeks on end:

In my dream, I'm in a very large lecture class. One of those huge bowl-shaped lecture halls that can seat hundreds of students. The problem is, I've been skipping class. I've missed the midterm, not turned in papers, and I heard a rumor that the final was this morning. By the time I showed up, grades were already turned in, and there is no recovering my failing grade.

After the first year, my academic dreams switched from me being the unprepared student to me being the unprepared professor. The dreams only start around the first week of August and end after the first couple of classes. I wonder how my school dreams will change over the course of my career. Will they eventually go away completely?

Do you have a recurring dream around the start of the academic year?

(Saturday)* Fill in the blanks: when I saw the new freshmen class

My first thought when I saw this year's new class of __________ was ___________________.

(My first thought when I saw this year's new class of undergrads was sweet science gods, I am getting old!)

*I was so agitated yesterday, that I didn't do a Friday fill-in. So it comes on Saturday instead.

Does anyone care about good teaching?

As many of you know, I work at a predominantly undergraduate institution. Excellence in teaching is an expected component of a successful tenure packet. Scholarship and service are required as well, but the greatest emphasis is on teaching.

Obviously I want to be the best I can be in the classroom for the sake of my own students as well as my own personal satisfaction.....and my tenure packet. I continually tweak my syllabi and rework my lecture notes.

But my evaluations for the previous three semesters have been exceptionally strong (yay). While this isn't a bad thing, it doesn't give me additional incentive to keep working like I have been. I also can't improve without ideas and input from other people.

I need to be around people-- tenured or untenured-- who want to talk about teaching. I need senior faculty to come to my class to give me feedback. I need seminars and workshops that address such teaching areas as writing, assessment, engagement... oh, the list goes on and on. And couldn't there be teaching awards for junior faculty?

Sadly, I suspect I'm asking too much.

Dangling the carrot: research with undergrads

Practically a lifetime ago, I posted about undergrads needing incentives to complete coursework.

I've found that the same is true for my researchers. Sure, some undergrads will be motivated to research just for the sake of doing the research. But, in my experience, most of my undergrads need an additional incentive for their lab work.

In grad school, The Boss would dangle the promise of a C/N/S paper in the hopes that that would motivate me. (It didn't. The best motivation was getting a graduation date. Duh.)

For some of my undergrads, the promise of coauthorships really excites them. I have another who is really motivated by the potential for travel to conferences. My newest student wants to accomplish a lot on his research project so he can be competitive for top graduate programs.

(And I should note that while The Boss made-- it turns out-- empty promises, I know that I will, DAMMIT, get some papers out, take my students out of state, and get them into the best grad programs. Dammit.)

What's the most effective carrot for YOUR researchers (undergrads, grads, or post docs)?

Teaching via Twitter?

Today I came across an article at Chronicle about using twitter in (and out) of the classroom. There are a lot of links to previous and related posts on the subject (like this example assignment), and the commenters also contribute some useful (and self-promoting...my favorite!).

My first instinct was to dismiss the use of Twitter in the class as just another attempt to district our little snowflakes with another shiny tech tool.

But....as I eye my growing mound of lecture notes and ponder my insane schedule for the fall, I had to wonder: what if, one day, we actually teach a whole class via twitter? 140 characters sure don't take up a lot of space in a lecture notes binder! Think of how fast prep would go!

Should a woman take her husband's name? (A poll)

A continuation from yesterday's post:

What's in a (last) name?

The other day N.A. and I were talking about a former colleague. I commented that I was surprised that she had taken her husband's last name, especially well into her career (just prior to tenure).

"Why would she take his name?" N.A. asked. "She's not proud."

Oh.

Wait a minute.

"So if she kept her name, that would make her proud?" I was confused, especially since we've already talked about my choice to keep my name if/when we get married. (In fact, I posted about it here... the comments are worth a second look, in my opinion.)

"Well, why do you want to keep your name?"

"I like my last name better," I replied, even though he already knew this.

"Well there you go," he answered.

Well, shit. Does staying Dr. Reaction make me conceited?

...or maybe the better question is, if that's true, do I even care?

Twitter: tempting or turn-off?

I'm still not sure I understand twitter. Recently, however, I've started reading "tweets" from various twitter accounts. I have to admit, I am intrigued.

Then I came upon this post by Cath over at VWXYNot? I can has superpowers? From twittering? Sweeeeeet.

I don't know what to do. If I start twittering, will I acquire superpowers, too? Will I get to pick if I want to use them for good or for evil? And if so, which should I pick?

Friday Fill in the blanks: the last time I was truly happy

The last time I was truly happy was ____________ when _________ .

(The last time I was truly happy was last week when N.A. and I turned off our cellphones and laptops for an Entire. Day. Bliss.)

What would be your last meal?

That's what N.A. asked me on a recent car ride.

For once, I was speechless.

I couldn't come up with a favorite entree. For a starter, I like a garden salad with thicky, chunky blue cheese dressing or perhaps a good caesar salad. Dessert is going to be either some marble chocolate cake or cannolis. Are there cake-cannolo combos? 'Cause that would be my pick.

When it comes to main dishes, however, I remain stumped. I have foods that I like, but I couldn't come up with anything that I would consider worthy of a final meal.

Have I lost my zest for life? Has my unrefined palate finally caught up to me? Are my senses dulled by too many "dinners" of chocolate and crackers?

Wanna know my secret?

I live a lie each day at work.

We're in the last few days of summer, and everyone in my department is bemoaning the start of the semester. "I can't believe how much I have to do," my colleagues complain. I nod in agreement, but I don't quite meet their eyes.

I type away at my computer, occasionally interrupted by a coworker popping in to say hi. "I'm so behind! I don't know how I'll get my syllabi done!" My coworker doesn't wait for a response, so I can just smile and try to look sympathetic (or is it empathetic?).

The truth is, I'm living a lie.

I'm not overwhelmed by the start of school. I'm not behind at all. I have three syllabi written, and slides for my lecture classes prepped through Labor Day. I have multiple problem sets and their corresponding keys written. I've even written the first exam for one of my classes.

What's the trick? I finished my summer class, took a four day weekend, and then needed a break from research. When I actually WANT to do class prep, I can do it pretty damn efficiently. And I'm much faster than when I first started teaching. I mean, holy shit.

The other thing that motivated me? FEAR. I hate the feeling of never quite being caught up, and the last two fall semesters I've had new-to-me classes to prep. Back then, I never got ahead on my class prep, and many mornings I was prepping slides or notes right up to the bell. That is NOT how I like to operate.

I know I can't be the only one already prepped for the fall (Dr. Pion, for example, admitted being ahead of schedule in the comments on this recent post), but I sure do seem to be the only one in my department (maybe institution) who is ahead on the semester. For now, I think I'll let my coworkers go on thinking that I am just as behind as they are.

My new crack

I can't stop eating them.

To be honest, I don't really WANT to stop eating them. If you can get past the annoying/disturbing commercials, you will see that they will likely become your new crack, too.

You some fine lookin data

...now back that...stuff?... up!

A colleague at a semi-nearby university now faces my worst nightmare. His computer died, and he hasn't backed up his files-- teaching powerpoints, exams, or even research data-- since last summer. Fall, spring, and a summer all lost.

I am sure many of you are rolling your eyes at his carelessness, wondering how a person could let something as important as their teaching documents and research data go unprotected.

But I'll bet that a few of you are like me: well-intentioned but have no real process to backing up your stuff.

Prior to this week, some of my stuff was saved on a flash drive and some on my personal computer. Now I have the secretary ordering me an external flashdrive. (hooray! I found something for her to do!) Time to back dat data up.

Note: Don't youtube "back dat azz up." Don't. Stop. Unless you need some kitchen stripper pole action. In that case, knock yourself out. After all, it sounds like some of you need to take the edge off (due to the start of the semester).

Friday Fill in the blanks: how I really feel about the start of the semester

The word that best describes the way I feel about the start of the semester is _____________.

(I feel excited, but I'm not sure if I am in the majority or minority.)

Battery power countdown

A power company representative just came by the house to tell us that they are shutting off the power. For an undetermined amount of time.

Did I mention it is in the triple digits?

As I watch the battery power percentage tick down (53%), it reminds me of how, when I was younger, I would joyfully count down the last days of summer. I was so excited to get back to school. What a nerd.

In grad school, I counted down the start of the fall semester with dread. The attacking undergrads took much from us feeble grad students, such as parking, bus seats, and prime spots in the cafeteria line.

As a prof, I once again look to the start of the semester with excitement. The nerd has returned!

I wonder how many more years I have until I begin dreading the fall semester.

I'm now at 42% battery life with just a few weeks until school starts. My colleagues keep (at times, bitterly) reminding me of how little time we have left.

I think I might need a new battery for my Mac. No doubt that my colleagues need some more vacation time!

The pros and cons of summer teaching

I was warned by colleagues of the many, many cons of summer teaching. Turns out, it really isn't that bad! Doctor Pion asked for some reasons that my class went so well. Part of it was luck. Although I had a pretty typical mix of summer students-- lots of course repeaters, some very weak college students, and a smattering of transfers-- they were respectful and very engaged in lecture. I was extremely upfront with the students about expectations, and I really, in their words, "kept it real." I think what my students meant was that I was very blunt about the summer workload and the failure rates. I also really enjoy teaching and getting a break from lab, so my enthusiasm wasn't forced. Even at 9 am. Grrrr.

But mostly I was successful because I had really fun students. Even this one!!

Class composition aside, here are, from my point of view, the pros and cons of summer teaching.

Pros

You can try new things in the classroom. My summer class was much smaller than my normal semester classes (20 vs. 30). I also have far fewer obligations during the summer, since committees are on break and most of the students are gone. As a result, I was able to try out some new-to-me group activities. Want to try out clickers for the first time? Dying to trade out tests for some other assessment tool? Summer can be a stress-free time for that. You have more prep time for the one class than you normally would. Also, you can quickly find out what works and what doesn't because....

You get instant feedback. If students don't understand something during the semester, they have a few options: 1. wait until the next class period (1, 2, or 4 days away, depending on class schedules), 2. wait until office hours, or 3. actually! type! an email! (students seem especially reluctant to use email here at PermaU...anyone else notice this?). In the summer, the students see me every day. Sometimes even twice a day. For multiple hours in a row. This gives them plenty of time to ask for clarification on lecture or get help with a problem set. I was able to catch problem students far ahead of midterms... more like on the second day of summer classes. As a direct result (and because the students actually did the work), my DFW rate was better than during the fall/spring semesters.

You gain new perspective on a course or course sequence. Teaching a semester's worth of material in four or five weeks really helped me to see the big picture much, MUCH more clearly. What do I really want my students to get out of my class? How does my class connect to other classes in the curriculum. It is a lot easier to see past the day-to-day details when you are only focusing on one class.

You get paid! Recall that most academic appointments at PUIs are nine month. Although paychecks might be spread over 11 or 12 months, you are really only paid for nine of 'em. While the money is a huuuuuge improvement over grad school stipends (for the love of the science gods, I would hope so), if you have a kid/house/expensive shoe habit, you can always use more dough. Note that I'm not saying it's good dough (see cons).

Cons

The pay is awesome. And in this case, by awesome I mean awesomely bad. My rate was not all that bad, especially since I had taught the class before (so no brand new prep to do). There was a catch: I didn't get any money until my grades had been submitted and then recorded by the registrar!

Two words: burn. out. If you teach in the first summer session, you probably get a very tiny break after spring finals get out. If you teach in the second session, you only have a week or two before fall classes start. Not only does this make it challenging to schedule vacation time, it does not give you a true break from teaching. Fatigue is something all profs battle, no matter what their institution's classification. Will you have enough time to recover?

There's no other place to run. During the regular semesters, I teach two or three different courses. Believe it or not, I actually teach some pretty boring shit from time to time (I know, shocking). It is rare that two classes have two boring lectures occurring on the same day, so I can always balance the boring prep or grading with another class's more entertaining stuff. When you only teach one course, you are stuck.

You get instant feedback. What? Wasn't this also a pro? Well, it goes both ways. Because everything is on hyperdrive in the summer, students don't get as much time to let the new material simmer. This can result in them taking their frustrations out on the prof. While this didn't happen to me personally, I did see it happen in the first summer session a lot.

I am sure I have left some things out. Perhaps something that I've listed as a con is actually, in your opinion, better interpreted as a pro. You know where to straighten me out.

so! many! changes!

It's no secret that I don't handle change very well.

So how can I possibly wrap my head around all the changes going on? Need examples? How about here and here and what?! no more blogging here and did I mention here??!

Okay, tell me something that is staying the same.

dying for your work?

The Prodigal Academic has a great post up about the current state of the job market.

One of the faculty positions at Prodigal U opened up because someone died. An older prof had a heart attack in the lab.

I thought this was pretty damn hard core, and I commented as such. Hell yeah! Let me keel over in lab!

It occurred to me later that thinking that work is best place to pass on might not be the healthiest mentality.

Then again, we all work ourselves to the bone....right? We kill ourselves for the job...right?

Balancing summer teaching with research

Here at PermaU (a primarily undergraduate institution), it is very hard to get any substantial research done during the academic year. My undergraduate researchers typically worked four hours a week when regular classes were in session. You can imagine (or perhaps know first-hand) how little can get accomplished in 4 hours.... by an undergrad.

Thus, the summers are the only time I can really move projects forward. If I want to have enough done before tenure, I have no choice but to work in the summer.

This summer I had two undergraduates working for 12 weeks. My summer class started in the last half of their research time. Was I able to balance two undergraduate researchers with my teaching responsibilities? Short answer: sort of.

It wouldn't seem that much different than the academic year, right? After all, I have undergraduate researchers in the fall/spring and even MORE classes to teach. In reality, the demands from both category are much higher in the summer. My research group does much more involved protocols. I also am working with underclassmen, so they have to be taught everything. The summer permits the time needed to learn (and repeat) lab techniques, dive into the literature, and really learn how to keep a notebook. (oh, the notebooks.)

My class also requires a lot more out of me. Typically I have off days in between lecture days. In the summer, I give two to three hours of lecture every day. The students are, in general, weaker as well. A majority of them are repeating the class after failing or withdrawing. Many of them hold summer jobs to pay for the class. All are burned out after the first summer class. Far more pep talks are required.

The key to maintaining my sanity-- and ensuring that we ALL had a productive summer-- was keeping lots of lists. I have a dry erase board in my lab, so each morning before class, I would meet with my researchers in the lab and together we would all map out the day's goals. Then I would help them list the steps to accomplish the various tasks. Sometimes this would require gory detail. Other days, I let them figure it out on their own. (Note that I couldn't let them do this every time, due to a few restraints we had from grant deadlines or the nature of the research.)

While I was in class, my students worked in the lab. They would go to lunch before I got out of class, so that left me a few moments to myself-- no class or lab students. I would meet with my lab group after they returned from lab to go over what they got accomplished in the morning. By the time the meeting was done, it was time for me to return to my summer class for the laboratory portion. After that finished, I met with my undergrad researchers again.

Rinse, repeat.

Frequent communication was the most important thing for me to keep my research going. What do you do--with undergrads or grads-- to make sure that the research ball keeps rolling?

Friday Fill in the blanks: making students cry

The surest way to make a student cry is to __________________________.

(While there are 1000s of ways, I'm sure, to cause a student to shed tears, in my experience, the fastest way is to say "it's okay; don't cry!")

The happiest I've been all summer

I think it says a lot about my current state of life that the following (all of which have happened in the last two months) did NOT make me the happiest I've been all summer:

• Getting a co-authored paper of previous work submitted
• Having Undergrad get through summer research with only three (very mild!) burns
• Making it through a (short) semester with no criers
• Receiving my first (teeny-tiny) grant
• Watching a movie with N.A. cell phone free

Want to know what really made this shallow assistant prof happy?

It's time to make it work! Tim Gunn is back on tonight! Love him. Want him. Must have him come live in my closet.

Can I get worker's comp for that?

This morning, I was really dragging. One cup of coffee: nothing. Two cups: barely able to pry my eyes apart.

Apparently, I was still about three cups behind by the time the mail arrived.

It's Whore Out Your Textbook Season, so I'm getting desk copies, supplementary DVDs, and online access codes by the truck load.

Today's WOYTS haul did not disappoint. There were several shiny boxes and envelopes just begging to be opened. Trouble was, one especially thick mailer envelope was just not opening. As I slid my finger under the flap and tried to wiggle it open, I watched as the cardboard cut deep-- and then deeper-- into my finger.

Did you know how many times you use your pointer finger each day? I do!!

I work hard at this job, but I certainly don't want to bleed for it.

Are scientists romantic?

The other day, I was talking with a friend (yes, an academic one, although a non-scientist) about relationships.

My friend complained that her husband wasn't romantic anymore, one year into their marriage. I commented that I wasn't a terribly romantic person, so I couldn't really expect N.A. to be romantic.

"Well, of course you're not romantic!" She laughed.

I arched an eyebrow in question.

"You can't be romantic-- you're a scientist!!"

Oh. Glad we straightened that one out.

True, my idea of a romantic gesture is for N.A. to turn off his blackberry so we can watch a movie vibration-free.

But surely some true romantics--who happen to be of the scientific persuasion-- are out there?

Right?

How can a secretary make my life better?

No doubt secretaries could rule the world. I'm sure many of you save hours a week thanks to your departmental administrative assistant. I just haven't figured out how to do that yet.

This last week, we finally hired a competent secretary. She comes from another department on campus, so I already know her reputation.


Now the big question is this: can I give up a little control and have the secretary improve MY efficiency?

What do I need at work? Here's a short list to start: a grant writer, a dog walker, a grader, and a priest.

Can a secretary actually help me with any of that? If not, I'm not sure I'm interested.

Begging, borrowing, and stealing in the name of research (at a PUI)

Starting a research lab at a PUI can be a challenging experience. Startup funds can be minimal, and sometimes you don't get them right away due to budget issues. (ahem) The consumables that you completely take for granted in grad school, such as acetone, pipet tips, centrifuge tubes, etc., become a Really. Big. Deal.

So this is what the first half of 2010 was all about: how can I beg, borrow, or steal various lab necessities in order to minimize the blow to my start-up funds.

Did you hear the one about the kid who traded up a cell phone for a porsche? Imagine if we did that in lab! I can see it now. I give my undergrad a Fischer click pen. Undergrad trades it for a TLC plate. The TLC plate gets traded for an NMR tube, which in turn gets bartered for a wash bottle. Eventually Undergrad makes it to a 1-mL eppendorf pipet. What to trade for next?

The possibilities are endless, especially given the random contents of most of my colleague's labs.

What a great way to solve my budget issues! Trade all the useless crap from professors long gone for stuff I need.

scientiae-carnival

Should you be friends with coworkers?

My mother is adamant that one should keep the work and personal spheres separate.

But what if you don't really have a personal sphere?

N.A. and I, both being academics, spend our non-home time at school. Some coworkers I click with, and some I don't. Some of my coworkers and I hang out outside of work. They come over for dinner. We go grab a drink.

The problem is, we inevitably start talking about work-- the good, the bad, and the really ugly. I want to have friends, but it is exhausting constantly talking about school.

I love my job. I may BE the job.

But for the love of the science gods.... I need a break sometimes!

Friday Fill in the blanks: the administration is a zoo!

If my dean were an animal, s/he would be a ____________ because ________________.

Go.

Feel free to pick your "favorite" administrator for this Friday fill in the blank.

Traveling more efficiently

The Reaction family knows how to travel. Every summer, we would do a massive road trip. I was >10 hours away from the Reaction family for both undergrad and grad school. I always chose to drive home for Christmas because I couldn't afford the airfare.

Let's just say, I have a higher than average tolerance for car travel.

Still.

I don't find travel by car very efficient. Take, for example, a 15 h drive. If I'm driving, I'm stressed mostly the whole time. I can talk on the phone in some states, but otherwise I just have music or conversation with my passenger to keep me entertained. If I'm the passenger, all I have is music, conversation with the driver, or sleep. I can't read in cars. Even looking at maps for more than 30 seconds results in major carsickness. Ick.

Now, let's consider the same 15 h distance covered by plane instead. True, going through security can be a little hectic. But otherwise, I find airports to be mostly pleasant these days. I can read, play on da internets, or watch people freak out when they miss their connections. I usually end up spending 2 hours at the airport. Add to that the travel time on either end of the trip plus the flying time (about 2.5 hours), and I still come out ahead by a couple of hours.

Nowadays, my rule of thumb is if a driveable destination is more than 10 hours, it is better for me to fly. N.A., however, happily drives 15+ or more hours rather than fly.

How do you decide whether to drive or fly? And more importantly, how do you convince a travel partner that your way is the right way?

Optimizing the office

My current office has a desk, table with chairs, desk chair, filing cabinet, and some built-in bookshelves. The only thing I like about it is that the door can shut properly and lock.

My ideal office would have the following:

• giant window
• couch that is inaccessible to students
• no bugs / mold / or general unpleasantness
• ability for my dog to come hang out
• fancy espresso maker
• big pile o' chocolate
• personal grant writer
• mini-fridge
• zip line to my lab
• wardrobe ('cause hiding jackets and boots is GOOD)
• sink
• escape slide
• direct line to the dean
• mute button

• (How did I forget this??!!) A bar! Fully stocked with my necessary poisons: some red stripe, chardonnay, vodka, OJ, and tequila

What are must-haves for your work space? Feel free to dream big. (I mean, really...I asked for no bugs or mold, and we all know that isn't going to happen any time soon.)

How to cleanse the department

I'm watching this crazy real estate show (Selling New York), and currently a hired dude is going around with burning sage to "clean" an apartment before a sale. Clean as in, chase out spirits and shit.


Hmmm... some departments--not mine, of course-- have bad vibes, too.

I don't think burning sage will work. I wonder what would be best?


Sudsy Alconox? A good burn-off of ethanol? Some nose-singeing mercaptos? What about a more pleasant approach with some nice esters?

Why is this happening to me?

Because today I dropped beats that cracked my cranium.

Unplugging to preserve my sanity

Geekmommyprof recently posted about the question that seems to plague all academics on vacation: to unplug or not to unplug?

I come from a very, very long line of workaholics. Some were famous in their academic circles. Some weren't. And some went bonkers (literally!) from their need to constantly work.

I attended a very rigorous liberal arts college for undergrad. As a student body, we worked extremely hard Sunday through Friday morning... and then binge drank Friday and Saturday nights. This is in stark contrast to my PermaU students. They only go out on the days that end in y. At my undergrad, virtually no one went out during the week. It's still a toss-up as to what I was closest: Cuervo or Kant? Vodka or Voltaire? Scotch or Smith? (Just kidding. I hate scotch.)

In graduate school, I was in a brand new research group. Being in the first crop of grad students of The Boss meant lots of one-on-one interaction (whether we wanted it or not). It also meant a lot of pressure to obtain grants. We submitted seven R01-type grants (and dozens of smaller grants) while I was in the group. In addition to getting preliminary results in the lab, graduate students were responsible for making grant figures, writing portions of the text, navigating the grants and contracts office, and making the FedEx runs. I can count on my hands the number of times Monday-Friday I was home before 7. And I left the house by 7 am. During the typical week, I worked 7 days and averaged 70-80 hours per week. During grant times, I never worked less than 14 hours straight. One memorable submission required two weeks straight of 16+ hour days. No food breaks--- meals were delivered or fetched by an undergrad.

Looking back, I am proud/shocked/sad that I pushed through it all.

Fresh out of grad school, as a visiting ass., I still did not know how to reign in my workaholic tendencies. I worked straight through weekends. During the week, I was on campus by 8 am and rarely left before 10 pm. I told myself I worked hard because I had to. Really, deep down, I knew I worked so hard because I wanted to. I felt compelled to pull such insane hours.

Then I moved and got on the tenure track. I got a Puppy. I was reunited with N.A. I knew that in order to maintain a long-term relationship AND keep up with Puppy, I would need to approach my work time in a very different manner. I could no longer pull such insane hours.

More importantly, I recognized that I didn't have to pull such insane hours. By being smarter about my work allocations during the week, I could tend to the house, the Puppy, and my life on the weekends.

So I self-imposed a no-campus policy on weekends. That is, I do not go into campus Sat/Sun. No matter what.

Being at a PUI allows me to do this. Also, my research is not such that I have to check on reactions each day. And my students can certainly survive with just email contact from me. The world will not end if I only work Monday through Friday.


At least that's what I'll keep telling myself until the senior members of the department notify me otherwise.

Where's the best comments?

I'm not thrilled with my current comment setup. I find it difficult to respond to comments. I'd like comment nesting, at the very least. Can I do that with blogger's comments?

One commenting system (?) that I've come across is IntenseDebate, but I don't have any real experience with it.

Any recommendations?

Why flighttracker was my best friend in grad school

Professor in Training recently posted about how the mice react at the prospect of the cat going away.

I was in the first group of graduates of The Boss. The Boss was very hands-on (which was great at times, annoying at others, and occasionally prevented me from getting ANYTHING productive done).

When other PIs left town, their graduate students breathed a sigh of relief. Work hours were more relaxed. Group meetings weren't held. Kegs appeared in the cold room (that was only a one-time event, I'm told).

In our group, it was a HUUUUUUGE relief when The Boss went out of town.... at least while the plane was in the air. Once electronic devices could go back on, the barrage of email requests began. Is the manuscript draft ready? Make this figure for my talk. What is wrong with you?

Since the only time The Boss unplugged (and therefore left us alone) was when a flight was in progress, we all became fans of flight tracking programs. Other graduate students thought we were total freaks (true) for knowing the flight details of The Boss, let alone would track the actual flight for precise landing times.... but we relished our freedom. Flight delays were celebrated....with impromptu happy hours. We savored our beers all the more with the knowledge that we weren't missing emails or calls from The Boss.

A few months ago I received the saddest email from a former group member who is still in graduate school with The Boss:

Hi Unbalanced,

The Boss has wi-fi on the flight. Our safe time is no more.

~Coworker



On the plus side, now coworker won't need to panic when the flight tracker fails.

If I hear the bing! from one more text....

...I am going to shove this pipet into my eye socket. After removing my safety glasses, of course.

All day long I have the "opportunity" to hear the distinct trilling of cell phones when a text is received. Students receive them during lab. I hear them going off in other classrooms. Even my colleagues are in on the texting action-- I can hear one faculty's phone from 8 doors down!

My research students learned by the second text to keep their phone away while in lab. Unfortunately, I can't run around, grabbing cell phones out of hands and pockets. That would be weird. And assault, probably.



Why do people need to be notified of text messages all damn day? And why are the notification sounds so annoying? When did email stop being instant enough?

Who's afraid of the dark?

Yes, I am a grown woman. With a Ph.D. And I'm afraid of the dark.

I'm afraid of things that go bump in the night. Plus, Puppy Freaks! Out! when the power goes out.

Which it did. Tonight. With N.A. out of town.



To remedy this, I lit all the candles in the house.

Unfortunately, they all are scented. The power is back on, but my house smells like lemongrass-pineapple mango-fresh grass-sand&sun*.

Yum.



*For the record, N.A. bought the sand and sun candle. For reals.

summer teaching: requesting time off

Turns out I was right about summer teaching: it is awesome!

I get to experience a semester's worth of inspiring successes, tearful moments, and, my personal favorite, eye-roll-worthy requests all in a very condensed period of time.

One such eye roll moment occurred today.


Undergrad: Yo, Dr. Reaction.

Me: . . .

Undergrad: I need to go on vacation next week. I'm going to miss a test and three labs.

Me: That's true.

Undergrad: So how can you work with me to get this work made up?

Me: What the hell is wrong with you?*


*Okay, so my actual response was to remind him of the course policy, which is clearly outlined in the syllabus of course, of not excusing personal travel. And that missing a week of summer class was equivalent to about three weeks of the normal semester. And that Undergrad would receive zeros for the missed work.


Undergrad: Oh. That sucks.


Yes, my dear Undergrad, that does suck.

Is it fair to meet outside of scheduled class times?

For the first time this fall, I'm co-teaching a course. Recently, the other prof and I met to sketch out our course objectives. We both agreed that we wanted students to present results from a group project, and we settled on the optimal week to schedule them.

I typed the presentations into the class lecture schedule.

"Wait, what are you doing?" She inquired. "We should schedule them in the evening so we have enough time."

"Okay," I agreed. "So will we meet for about two hours then? Which two class meetings should we cancel to balance it out?"

My colleague stared at me like I had just announced that I was the new Dean.

Siiiiiiiigh.

I explained that I didn't like holding class meetings outside of the scheduled class time....UNLESS I cancel an equal amount of class time. I don't think it is fair to require students to meet both in class and at a set time outside of what the registrar has designated.

Obviously the coursework requires that they spend many, many hours outside of lecture reading, writing, and 'rithmatic-ing. But to take away that study time-- which could be used on another class-- is not fair to the student or to other professors.

I'm pretty sure my fellow prof thinks I just don't want to have to stay on campus beyond work hours (true). But I've taught at institutions that actually had this policy on their books. Of course, many faculty ignored the rule-- as so often happens-- but I think, in this case, it actually is a pretty logical practice to follow.

Bathroom bacon

Today the women's bathroom smelled like bacon.

What the pork?

I know that you probably won't believe me, but I actually don't like bacon. I don't care for the flavor. The smell makes me feel ill (and not just because it reminds me of LargeU undergrads).

I suppose the bathroom could smell worse... but hopefully tomorrow's potty visits will be swine free.

Can men and women be friends?

You've Got Mail was on TV last night. The first time I saw it, I thought it was a little fluffy but still had a really cute story about the relationship that developed between Meg Ryan's and Tom Hanks' characters.

Last night, I viewed it a little differently. I couldn't even get through it for more than 10 minutes because the premise now left an icky feeling in my stomach. I saw the cute relationship that developed over email for what is actually was: two already-attached people having an emotional affair. Then, after their relationships with their respective partners end, they get together.

Some people say that men and women truly can't be friends.

I'm not really sure what to think. All I know is that I won't be watching chick flicks for awhile.

Another reason my puppy is better than a kid

Today I gave Puppy a new toy in honor of his birthday. It is a stuffed, squeaky piece of cake. Quite fitting, I think.

He gets so excited when something new is presented to him. He totes it around proudly, high stepping around the couch. After he has shown it off, he takes his new prize back to his room. And plays. Quietly. By himself.

This evening he behaved quite like a four year old, I think. Puppy was walking around with his cake toy when suddenly, something caught his eye.

A cardboard box. Ooooo....a discarded cardboard box! Puppy gave me The Look. I gave him the okay and he was off! He tested it with his paw first. Then he tore into it with a vengeance.

Now I'm catching up on some reading as he destroys the box. Sure, I'll have to pick up all the pieces later, but it's a hell of a lot easier than chasing after a three-year-old.

Let's clean another dirty mouth

You know those Orbit gum commercials? The ones with the tag line, "Orbit cleans another dirty mouth"? Like this one:

Wouldn't it be great if we could do that to our students?

Now, I'm no fucking angel when it comes to my language.

But I certainly don't scream out expletives every five seconds in lab. I save 'em for something that actually warrants the foul language. Like fire.

When I was in college, I would have been mortified if my prof caught me dropping an F bomb.

Dare I ask what's different about this generation?

An open letter to the Precious Little Snowflake

Dear PLS,

Why do you sing in the lab and hallway? Normally, I would ask if you need more attention.

But you are a Precious, Little Snowflake....so surely that cannot be the case.

Signed,

Dr. Reaction

P.S. Shaddup! Thanks.

What the Hel....vetica??!!!

Yeah, so my PC doesn't have the font Helvetica.

Is it all PCs? Or does Bill Gates just have it out for me?

And perhaps the better question is the following:

how the heck did it take me a year to notice this?

Are you a saver?

I am an introvert. I love my job, but after giving and giving all day in the classroom, at meetings, or in lab interactions, I need time at home to recharge, regroup, and basically become (semi)human again.

In order to be a semi-decent person in my home life, I have to save a bit of myself. I try to save my "best self" for my time at home, but I'm not always successful.

I'm not sure what extroverts do. Are they only recharging around other people? What is their home life like? Are they able to recharge with their significant others, or are extroverts miserable until they are reunited with a bigger group?

Do you save your best for your home life or do you use it all up at work?

Happy freakin' 4th!

May the science gods bless America.

Sarah, of course, blesses you all.