"It's not for women."

I hear that more frequently than my male coworkers would like to admit.  Perhaps that's why I don't find the new commercial for Dr. Pepper 10 very funny.




Call me humorless.  That's fine.  But let's keep in mind that I hear (at least several times a month) "oh, there's no boy's club..."   If you have to insist that something DOESN'T exist.....  well, I'll let you just finish that one.

Why it is awesome being female (at a conference)

As you all probably have guessed by now, I'm woefully behind in my blog reading.

Luckily, I did manage to catch a semi-recent post by The Prodigal Academic about why it is awesome to be a female attending male-dominated conferences.

TPA points out that there are no bathroom lines when you are one of a handful of women at a conference.  So true!  In fact, at a recent conference, another conference attendee (a rock star Big Name) was so surprised to have someone else walk into the bathroom (me), that we actually struck up a conversation....which led to talking about my research with my students.  Awesome.

The second advantage that TPA lists is that, as a minority presenter, you are more easily remembered later in the day.

The third deals with presenting while pregnant.  You can read it for yourself, since it doesn't pertain to me (whew).

The fourth is my favorite because it happens to be true AND I had never really thought about it before:

4. You are easier to find in the crowd, so it is easier to run into old friends and colleagues at coffee breaks without necessarily prearranging things.  (link)

And TPA's fifth advantage to attending a male-dominated conference?  Well, let's just say it deals with getting free stuff.


So what about it?  Are there more advantages that should be added to The Prodigal Academic's list?  Or do the wee annoyances (you know, like being asked eight times in one afternoon if you REALLY are a presenter and not a vendor representative) outweigh these benefits?

Things I Don't Think My Male Coworkers Have to Hear

Some of my coworkers insist that men and women are treated the same at my college.

Really?

'Cause I'm pretty sure my male coworkers have never had any of the following told to them / asked of them:


- I'm glad you don't have kids; you really have your work priorities in order.

- Breast feeding isn't that big of a deal.  You can do the...uh...pump thing in your office just fine.  (Said by a male coworker to a female coworker)

- X (a female) must be hormonal.

-  Why is X (a female) asking for a sabbatical?  Didn't she just get maternity leave a year ago?

- I don't know why X (a female) needs maternity leave.  When my wife had a baby, I was back to work the next week.  (huh??!)

- I can't believe X (a female) would bring her child to work this one time!

- I think X (a male) is AMAZING for bringing his child to work this one time!  What a lucky wife he has!

- Don't have kids until after tenure.  Of course, I legally can't tell you that.  Wink wink.

- Have kids soon before you get too old to carry them.

- Can you go talk to Undergrad (a female) about her boobs?  (Seriously)






Okay, please share.


Oh, and men: please share the things that female coworkers DARE to say to you, if you're feeling brave.

Yes, please assume I'm PMSing

The other day, I was talking with another colleague about the way that students perceive male vs. female professors. I stated that our male colleagues could simply get away with "more" in the classroom, without repercussions-- or even a reaction-- from their students. I gave the example of a male assistant prof in a nearby department who is know for his rants in the classroom. "I couldn't get away with that," I claimed. "Sure, I've spoken sternly to my class before, but if I full-on yelled at them, students wouldn't view it as 'oh, that's just Dr. R's way', like they do with X."

A student had been milling around in the hall. She piped up, "Yeah, your class would just think you were PMSing or on your period."

Holy crap.

I suppose people really do think/say stuff like this. I just haven't encountered such sentiments.... at least not to my face.

Am I just lucky (or maybe just naive)? Forget about my students. Are my male COLLEAGUES wondering if an occasional outburst is due to my monthly cycle? I mean, isn't this thinking terribly outdated....not to mention immature?

Should a woman take her husband's name? (A poll)

A continuation from yesterday's post:

What's in a (last) name?

The other day N.A. and I were talking about a former colleague. I commented that I was surprised that she had taken her husband's last name, especially well into her career (just prior to tenure).

"Why would she take his name?" N.A. asked. "She's not proud."

Oh.

Wait a minute.

"So if she kept her name, that would make her proud?" I was confused, especially since we've already talked about my choice to keep my name if/when we get married. (In fact, I posted about it here... the comments are worth a second look, in my opinion.)

"Well, why do you want to keep your name?"

"I like my last name better," I replied, even though he already knew this.

"Well there you go," he answered.

Well, shit. Does staying Dr. Reaction make me conceited?

...or maybe the better question is, if that's true, do I even care?

Can men and women be friends?

You've Got Mail was on TV last night. The first time I saw it, I thought it was a little fluffy but still had a really cute story about the relationship that developed between Meg Ryan's and Tom Hanks' characters.

Last night, I viewed it a little differently. I couldn't even get through it for more than 10 minutes because the premise now left an icky feeling in my stomach. I saw the cute relationship that developed over email for what is actually was: two already-attached people having an emotional affair. Then, after their relationships with their respective partners end, they get together.

Some people say that men and women truly can't be friends.

I'm not really sure what to think. All I know is that I won't be watching chick flicks for awhile.

Do men seek balance, too?

Isis the Scientist recently wrote a response to a Science post on science goddesses and housework. Her post has generated quite the comments, and they are certainly worth a read.

One if the issues brought up in her post and in the comments was that most of the Science posts were directed at women. I was (and still am) curious if scientists who happen to be male even THINK about having balance between the professional and personal worlds. Here is what I commented:

I would be quite interested to know what percentage of your male readership struggles with balance. 100%? 50%? Just Physioprof?

In grad school, none of the male grad students ever talked about feeling conflicted between work and home life. Obviously it could be that they were just putting up a front. But I'm curious.... do male profs *want* articles specifically directed at them?

So what do you think? I'm constantly struggling with how best to balance my work and home lives. Are the men around me just better at hiding their guilt... or have they just figured out the secret to maintaining presence in both worlds?

My warm, fuzzy Christmas present to you

(just pretend that it is wrapped with fantastic, non-tacky holiday paper)

My gift to you is a link to this post over at Twice about a conversation with daughter, Curie. The best line? "Mommy, can boys be scientists? Or just girls?"


It made me all warm and fuzzy, like a steaming mug of hot chocolate (or spiked coffee).

Hugging like a man?

A recent comment on this old post on group work got me thinking. I'm going to (probably) address portions of Anon's (who is an engineering student, hooray!) comment in some future post(s), but let me reproduce the last bit:

"Group work is ONLY recommended if you have bright, responsible and good students who know they must work as a team. Then it is indeed a very good experience, although I've seldom have had that. Manly hugs."


Hmm...


I've been told that I have a good handshake because I don't "shake like a typical woman."

I've been told that I'm a good lecturer because I "don't lecture like a girl."

But I've never had anyone comment on my hugs. What is a manly hug? Like a quick shoulder slap? I'm not sure what a "womanly" hug would be, probably because my preferred state is to NOT have people touching me.

Especially students.

So I wonder. Could there be a difference between engineering and non-engineering hugs?

A female graduate student by any other name...

Many of my fellow female scientists are eventually faced with the decision of changing their surname. Here at LargeU, most of the women that get married before they have publications change their name, while the ones with publications hyphenate.

NA and I actually have had the Name Talk already. (I know. So fast. The next thing you know, we'll have a family-share cell phone plan.) We both have multi-syllable last names, so he agreed that hyphenation was dumb. Our nonexistent kids will have his name, while I will keep mine. (NA is very progressive and not at all territorial, but I had to give up something--in this case, our non-existant kids' last name-- in order to have his promise of me keeping MY last name upon our nonexistent wedding).

While most think that I'm keeping my name because I'm staying in academia or because I have several publications.

Nope, I just like my last name. I think it goes very well with my first name, and, barring marrying into a royal family, I just simply don't want to change it.


My mom (don't even ask how this whole thing came up) thinks NA is extremely awesome for being so agreeable about me keeping my name. I don't particularly understand why guys would care either way.

What about you? Guys, do you think it's important for your wife to take your name? Fellow female scientists, are you planning on changing your name? Have you have problems with pubmed, etc if you hyphenated?

A conversation with N.A.

NonAsshole.: Will you scratch my back?

Unreaction: Ugh. (Removes hands from keyboard and looks annoyed)

N.A.: Um, nevermind?

UR: If I scratch your back right now, then I can't type, and I need to blog something

N.A.: And why do you need to blog something?

UR: *** (blink. blink)



How can you tell a relationship is new? (feel free to add your own below)

Not farting in front of one another? Check.

Asking if each other wants to go to research group functions rather than assume attendance is a given? Check.

Not understanding that going several days without blogging represents a major breakdown of my relaxation time? Check.

Women hating women

It's a not-so-hidden secret that LargeU has problems with bias against women (both faculty and students). While I myself have never experienced discrimination here at LargeU, some of the stories I have heard are downright shocking (and mostly non-bloggable, and least not until May).

So what to do when the worst offender is a woman? Especially a woman that was recruited to LargeU by herself (as opposed to a "package-deal" with a more famous husband)?

But what about the fathers?

I've heard about this phenomenon (or whatever one might call it) before, but I've never witnessed it until today. What phenomenon am I referring to? The one of, when ticking off a successful female scientist's amazing qualities (in a rec letter, introduction, etc), the list often looks like this: Dr. Female performs groundbreaking research, publishes numerous papers, advises amazing students, teaches the best class ever, AND is a terrific mother. Yet male counterparts' lists of achievements never include mention of fatherhood.

So this all came about because I'm serving as a graduate student representative on a faculty awards committee. (While I'd like to think that this is because I have such a great departmental reputation, I suspect my name came up because The Boss owes the head of the department and/or dean of the college a favor.) I was reading through the nomination packets, which include 6-8 letters of support from other faculty members and current/former students. One of the five nominees is female. The first of her six letters mentioned that she accomplished so much in teaching and research and "was a terrific mother of two, to boot." That raised my eyebrows, but I continued on. Five out of the six remaining letters had some variation of the above!! Did any of the male nominees' (all of whom have children) letters mention their families? No.

Any thoughts on this? I'm sure others have posted about this topic before. I don't know what to make of it. Is it just a commentary on amazing women that balance lots of aspects of their lives, and this is surprising? Why are men being left out?

Have you witnessed this "phenomenon"? What are your thoughts? Are men ever granted the same kudos for raising kids in spite of a career? Is this because they are all slackers? (surely, not.....?)

Things I learned on the road

1. The bigger your truck, the bigger your penis. Seriously. Don't believe me? Just ask the guy driving the monster truck with people-sized tires. Giant. Penis.

2. A woman (e.g. ME) in a small car passing a man in any car is a direct challenge to the guy's manhood.

3. Contrary to popular belief, diet coke, swedish fish, and regular flavor Pringles CAN in fact a meal make.

4. Turning on your windshield wipers when someone is unnecessarily tailing you (and thus showering their Escalade/Mustang/Tahoe in buggy, used window juice) IS as satisfying as it sounds.