UR 2011 in Review!!

Another year in the books.  It's time for my favorite meme!   (If you are looking for something to do, here is 2010, 2009, and 2008.)



1. UR 2010 in Review!!!  What a year!


2. Choose your own adventure.  Have you ever woken up from recalling a vivid dream and then had it stick with you ALL. DAY. LONG?


3. What will we lock up next?  Today, driving around Conference City, I saw a car with a padlocked gas tank.


4. The machine or instrument that must DIE!  Over the years, I have had many an instrument or machine nemesis.


5. Kids vs. dogs (or kid owners vs. dog owners).  It occurred to me the other day that I have never seen a puppy sonogram posted as a facebook profile picture.


6. Chicken vs. eggs.  I've been in a documentary state of mind.


7. Magic numbers.  People say that three's a crowd, it takes two to tango, and one is the loneliest number.


8.  At-bat songs for professors.  Unfortunately, I've been watching a lot of baseball lately.


9. A message to all the new professors.  It gets better.


10. Sorry that I don't have kids.  I've recently become quite the broken record.


11. Grants require blood, sweat, and tears....and more blood?  No, really.


12. Do faculty need more vacation time?  When you are a professor at a PUI, you are constantly giving giving giving of yourself to your students.






I hope you can all look back on your OWN 2011 and think of it fondly.  What a year!

Christmas is the new Halloween!!

Adventures in Ethics and Science has a hilarious re-post of a child's story about what happens when mice go Christmas caroling.  (Semi-spoiler: It doesn't end well.)

The last bits of the post include

"Reading between the lines, I'd have to say the very best thing to do if you see or hear caroling mice approaching your door would be to kill the lights and call animal control." 

Hmmm.... that sounds an awful lot  like what I do during Halloween.  Well, at least the killing the lights part.  (Calling animal control on some of the particularly wild ones is just something I dream about doing.)

There are lots of other similarities between these holidays.  Behold!

Both freak out the religious.  Anyone else grow up having to call school halloween parties "harvest fests"?  And if I have to see one more Jesus cake.....

You wear weird shit to celebrate them.  Wearing bell jewelry of any kind should be outlawed.  Ditto the memo on slutty kitty costumes.  From holiday sweaters to dressing up like Dexter, you really do have to wear some weird crap to proclaim your allegiance to the christmas/halloween spirit.

The tackier the exterior of the house, the better.  Or at least I *think* that's what my neighbors are going for with their 12 foot, inflatable spider.  Or those damn inflatable snow globes.  Or anything in an animal shape that lights up.

You give away stuff to people because it is expected.  Do I really need to spend forty bucks on candy for non-neighborhood thirteen-year-olds?  Sure, unless I want my house egged.  Do I really want to give my surly coworker a holiday mug filled with chocolate-covered espresso beans?  Not really, but I'd like to avoid any 2012 drama.

You get a free pass on exceeding your daily sugar intake.  (I don't think this one needs explanation, which is good because my fourth truffle has just entered my bloodstream.  Pardon me as I lapse into a diabetic coma.)



How else is Christmas like Halloween?

My winter break gift to you

I know that, ever since receiving my gift last year, you've anxiously awaited this year's shiny box.

And here it is...all wrapped up and virtually topped with a green-and-red bow:




Happy holidays!!  (You've probably seen this ages ago, but I think it is hilarious to re-visit it!)

If I were a holiday decoration...

...then right now, I'd be one of those deflated snowmen that you find in the morning on your lawn.  You know, one of those fifty-dollar inflatables that fall victim to the elements overnight.

The late nights that come with the end-of-the-semester push have finally caught up to me.  Hopefully, after a few eight hour nights, I'll be back to my usual, inflated self.



What seasonal decor best describes how you feel right now (or wish you felt)?

True independence

Some of you celebrate the 4th.  Some of you celebrate the 1st.  Others celebrate on other dates.


My Independence Day will always be the day I finally deposited my thesis.  I celebrate with a stiff drink, of course.


What/when/how do you celebrate your independence?

28 is the magic work number

You can take the workaholic out of the office....

For as long as I can remember, December 28th has always been The Day.  

The Day that I start getting twitchy about not doing work.  The Day that I can no longer justify sleeping 10 hours a night because "I need to catch up from the semester."  The Day that I crack a textbook/paper/whatever to try to make some (teeny tiny) progress towards my massive winter break to-do list.

In college this typically consisted of working on essays for summer research applications.  In grad school it varied, depending on the year.  Some December 28ths I needed to study for prelims, others I worked on a paper. On one Very Special December 28th, I worked on job talks.

Now my December 28ths generally consist of picking at syllabi.  I really do enjoy the syllabus writing process, so it isn't that bad.  This December 28th I am working on a new prep.  This class promises to be very, very fun, so I am greatly enjoying picking out course readings and suggested problems.

N.A., of course, thinks I'm insane, but he has learned not to question my need for December 28th.  His magic work number typically falls some where between Jan 2 and 6th, depending on the year.

Do you have a magic work number?

Happy..uh...Merry....ah, screw it.

What do you greet people with this time of year?

Some people argue that Jesus is the reason for the season.  "Merry Christmas all the way," they say. Others emphatically state that we all must stick to the politically correct "happy holidays."

What to say in the classroom?  I completely skirt the issue by sending my departing students off with a "happy winter break!"

After all, I believe that a month off from students is the reason for MY season.

An end-of-the-semester tradition

We all have our end-of-the-semester routines.


Some of my colleagues clean their offices, dumping unneeded papers into the shredder with glee.

Others gladly share their gourmet gifts from students in the office kitchen (side note: why don't I ever get semester gifts from students?).

My end-of-the-semester tradition?  I sleep for 12 hours straight.

This started in college.  Once my finals were done, I would bid goodnight to my roommates and only emerge 12 hours later.  In grad school, I would go home for the holidays for about a week.  My family knew not to mock my excessive first night of sleep.

I thought this would change once I became a prof.   On the contrary, it seems to have become even more of a necessity.  N.A. thinks my semester's end pseudo-hibernation is cute.  Bless him.



So I apologize if I don't get caught up on your wonderful blogs right now-- I've got some sleeping to do!

Thanksgiving: time to toil or reason to rest?

There is a post up over on insidehighered.com that discusses how one's choice to work (or not) over Thanksgiving break is reflective of daily work habits.  While I don't necessarily agree with the article, it did get me thinking about how I approach the holidays.

I'm grateful for the break from classes.  By this time of year, my students are mostly tired of me, and, to be very honest, I'm tired of some of them, too.

In grad school, I rarely took Thanksgiving off.  Free parking and empty labs?  Sign! Me! Up!

But now?  I am a professor!!

Wait....where is the super hero music?  (Wow....it's quieter here than my class was last Friday.  Tough crowd.)


This week, I plan to work the first half, spend Thursday and Friday with the Puppy and N.A. (and copious amounts of Pie), and then work most of the weekend to finish up grading.  Hopefully somewhere in there I will make the time to catch up on the blogosphere.

I would like to think that my students will find time to get some work done over break, too.


...but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.

Do you labor on Labor Day?

Those of us who don't have classes today get to choose whether or not to go into work. (right?)

I worked about a half day. I got some orders submitted, caught up on lecture notes, finished some grading, and fired off a dozen emails.

Do you take Labor Day off? Or do you view this as an opportunity for a catch-up, free parking day?

2009 Year in Review

Credit goes to all over the freakin' blogosphere, such as here and here and here. I've seen this at too many of your homes to count, so if you've done this meme (or some variation) please make some noise below. And happy 2010! (2008 was pretty exciting, too.)


Let's recap the year with the first sentence from the first post of each month.

January: This week a student made an appointment to talk about last semester's final exam. (From "Thank you; may I please have another?")

February: The other night I had my most Miranda moment to date. (From "Death by chocolate")

March: Who needs spring break more: undergrads or faculty members? (From "A question for the masses: gimme a break")

April: My DVR is 97% full. (From "How busy am I?")

May: Dear googlers, When you google "how to cheat with calculators" or for other cheating tips (like How To Fool That Bitch Professor), the post of mine that comes up is this one. (From "How students cheat: a youtube sampling")

June: My fridge/freezer/cupboards contain the following foodstuffs: (From "feeding frenzy")

July: Lots of firsts this weekend! (From "weekend of firsts")

August: My mother has had the same microwave since 1984. (From "How much would you pay for a microwave?")

September: Well, my darlings, I got it. (From "Flu policies")

October: I know that I'm an amazing professor. (From the not-so-modest "Boosting the ego")

November: As the semester winds down, it's a good time to reflect back on the last months. (From "Finally getting some")

December: I'm not sure students here at PermaU really understand that once they have a Judicial Committee ruling against them (cheaters! cheaters!), some professors will never view them in the same light again. (From "Judging the judged")

Ovary test: FAIL

These is perhaps no greater test of motherly instincts than a Christmas church service packed with infants, middle schoolers, and children of every age in between. I gazed around the church during an especially uninspiring sermon, observing my fellow parishioners as they kindly smiled at a squirmy four month or pulled faces at a two year old.

That many kids in one place should have, at least according to many of my peers, caused at least *some* reaction from me.


Nothing. Not even a twitch of an ovary.


While my college roommate is pregnant with her fifth (FIFTH!!!) child and my unmarried colleagues curse their ticking biological clocks (can we please talk about something else at lunch?), I'm unconcerned. I'm not yet 30. Should I be feeling the urge to reproduce?

My warm, fuzzy Christmas present to you

(just pretend that it is wrapped with fantastic, non-tacky holiday paper)

My gift to you is a link to this post over at Twice about a conversation with daughter, Curie. The best line? "Mommy, can boys be scientists? Or just girls?"


It made me all warm and fuzzy, like a steaming mug of hot chocolate (or spiked coffee).

Happy holidays!

Hope you all have a very merry Christmas or whatever you choose to celebrate!


Did Santa bring you what you wanted? I know I'm hoping for a finished manuscript in my stocking....

Holiday Awkwardness

As our holiday celebrations continue to expand each year, the potential for awkward moments expands exponentially with each added significant other, spouse, or kid. Family outsiders = people unfamiliar with our many, MANY uncomfortable family stories.


What's the most awkward holiday moment you've witnessed (or instigated)? Please, help us all feel better about our own WTF holiday moments.

Weekend of firsts

Lots of firsts this weekend!

- first true three-day weekend in a loooong time

- first time since the 90s that I visited my parents without bringing work

- first 4th without checking on the lab


and my favorite:

- N.A. and I decided to get our first realtor

Couple (Christmas) compatibility

There are many questions that one needs to ask a significant other before making the Big Commitment. We all know the standard ones:

- Does s/he want kids?

- How does s/he handle finances?

- Does s/he have The Herp? (while that might not be a dealbreaker for some...um...more dedicated types, it is certainly a relationship ender for me)

- Can I tolerate (at least in small doses) the in-laws?


But perhaps the most important test of compatibility this time of year is the following:

REAL or ARTIFICIAL?


I'm talking about the tree.

Some people truly don't care what their Christmas tree is. (In my experience, they are usually either Jehovah's Witnesses or Jews) But I find that many, many people feel very strongly about which type of Christmas tree should be displayed.

Personally, I think it is really wasteful to keep a real tree for (maybe) three weeks, just to toss it out. The smell makes me sneeze, and I have an irrational fear of it catching on fire.

Looking back on previous relationships, I can remember how insistent that each were that one day we would have a live Christmas tree. I should have cut my losses then and there and dumped the losers. If you can't agree (or at least compromise) on what kind of tree to purchase, the relationship is doomed to fail. Why doesn't Oprah ever talk about the all-important Christmas tree compatibility test??



(and for those of you wondering.... yes, N.A. is a steadfast supporter of artificial trees).

Fumbling in the dark

I don't like Halloween. I (now) fully realize that this makes me somewhat of a freak.

While the undergrads of LargeU did kegstands in whoreish costumes and the LargeU professors trick-or-treated with their kids, I sat in the dark.

Many of my neighbors went all out this year, putting cobwebs on the bushes and hanging orange lights in their windows. And like little moths, the children were drawn to the twinkling jackolanterns and came begging for sugar.

I wanted none of it. If I'm going to spend my measly paycheck on candy, then I'm going to be the one eating it. Pumpkin carving is not for me; the feel of the pumpkin goo under my nails makes me queasy. I'm not a fan of things that go bump in the night.

So last night I sat at my kitchen table and worked on more cover letters. Thank goodness for my MacBook Pro's illuminated keyboard!

So how about it? Did you go on Halloween strike, or are you one of the many who claim Halloween as their favorite holiday?