The Waiting Game

All of my classes for next semester have, by the standards of PermaU, relatively long wait lists. Depending on whom I talk to, this indicates one of the following:

1. I am a good teacher, so students want to take my class.


or


2. I am too easy, so students want to take my class.


My teaching evaluations point to the former, but some of my more vocal colleagues insist that long wait lists are only because students want easy As.


So perhaps I am too easy or maybe a combo of #1 and #2. Is it common knowledge that long wait lists directly correlate with the ease of the course?

Ovary test: FAIL

These is perhaps no greater test of motherly instincts than a Christmas church service packed with infants, middle schoolers, and children of every age in between. I gazed around the church during an especially uninspiring sermon, observing my fellow parishioners as they kindly smiled at a squirmy four month or pulled faces at a two year old.

That many kids in one place should have, at least according to many of my peers, caused at least *some* reaction from me.


Nothing. Not even a twitch of an ovary.


While my college roommate is pregnant with her fifth (FIFTH!!!) child and my unmarried colleagues curse their ticking biological clocks (can we please talk about something else at lunch?), I'm unconcerned. I'm not yet 30. Should I be feeling the urge to reproduce?

A poopy post

Oh, yes, my bloggie friends. I've become one of THOSE dog owners.


One who has more facebook pictures of canines than people.

One who talks to and about the dog like it is a child.

One who, although would never ACTUALLY say this aloud, *knows* that her dog is smarter than many of her acquaintances' toddlers.

One who digs around in poop (with plastic bagged-hands) to search for recently ingested ear plugs. And puzzle pieces. And buttons.



Yes, I've become THAT kind of dog owner. (And yes, digging around in various piles of poop was my most strenuous activity today. So far.)

My warm, fuzzy Christmas present to you

(just pretend that it is wrapped with fantastic, non-tacky holiday paper)

My gift to you is a link to this post over at Twice about a conversation with daughter, Curie. The best line? "Mommy, can boys be scientists? Or just girls?"


It made me all warm and fuzzy, like a steaming mug of hot chocolate (or spiked coffee).

Happy holidays!

Hope you all have a very merry Christmas or whatever you choose to celebrate!


Did Santa bring you what you wanted? I know I'm hoping for a finished manuscript in my stocking....

Holiday Awkwardness

As our holiday celebrations continue to expand each year, the potential for awkward moments expands exponentially with each added significant other, spouse, or kid. Family outsiders = people unfamiliar with our many, MANY uncomfortable family stories.


What's the most awkward holiday moment you've witnessed (or instigated)? Please, help us all feel better about our own WTF holiday moments.

Post-semester priorities

The semester is over. OV-AH!!!



Some people are excited about catching up on sleep. Others are glad not to have to deal with students for a few weeks. For some, the end of the semester means time for family.


And me?


I'm most excited about getting caught up on my blog reading and posting.



What does that say about me and my life priorities?

End-of-the-semester emailings: complete the sentence!

Dear Student,

Thank you for inquiring about your final exam / your grade / my "completely unfair" grading policies.

Yes, you really did earn that D / F.

No, you cannot get into my class next semester because it is full / the waitlist is 15 people long / you won't pass it.



See you next semester / good luck with next semester,


Dr. Reaction

Judging the Judged

I'm not sure students here at PermaU really understand that once they have a Judicial Committee ruling against them (cheaters! cheaters!), some professors will never view them in the same light again.


I know because I'm one of them.


When I find out that a student has been "convicted" of cheating or plagiarism--either from another professor or because I had to report them-- I never think positively about them again.


I suppose I should not be so judgmental, right? They have been judged. I am sure they will learn their lessons and never cheat (or plagiarize) again. Right?



Do you get bothered when students cheat? Is this something that I will out-grow?

So it's come to this...

...it's time.

I really didn't want this day to come, but I know it is necessary to maintain my mental health.


It's time to turn on word verification for my blog comments.


Spam in other languages I can ignore (and eventually delete). After all, if the only words in English are "sex", Viagra, or "hot girlz", then I know it really doesn't apply to me.

Spam in English is more annoying because I certainly don't want any of you, dear readers, to accidently click on a link and get a virus.


I've hesitated to turn on word verification because I really dislike it. The extra step is mildly annoying, but what really gets me are the "words" themselves. I *always* misread the word. Usually into something perverted. Every time. Without fail.


Am I the only word verification pervert out there, or is this just one more thing I should add to my list of Weird Things that Annoy Unreaction but No One Else ?

Finally getting some

As the semester winds down, it's a good time to reflect back on the last months. Classes are coming along swimmingly. My students are tolerating me pretty well, and I think they might have actually learned some stuff. After my year as a visiting prof at TempCollege, I am much faster at lecture prep, exam writing is not as time consuming, and grading doesn't always make me want to impale an eyeball on my red pen.

But...although I would never admit it to my coworkers, there is really only one thing I want out of this semester.

All I really want is a hot pepper.

Deny it all you want, but you know you want a little hot pepper action on ratemyprofessor.


Looks like Christmas has come early for me!

Hugging like a man?

A recent comment on this old post on group work got me thinking. I'm going to (probably) address portions of Anon's (who is an engineering student, hooray!) comment in some future post(s), but let me reproduce the last bit:

"Group work is ONLY recommended if you have bright, responsible and good students who know they must work as a team. Then it is indeed a very good experience, although I've seldom have had that. Manly hugs."


Hmm...


I've been told that I have a good handshake because I don't "shake like a typical woman."

I've been told that I'm a good lecturer because I "don't lecture like a girl."

But I've never had anyone comment on my hugs. What is a manly hug? Like a quick shoulder slap? I'm not sure what a "womanly" hug would be, probably because my preferred state is to NOT have people touching me.

Especially students.

So I wonder. Could there be a difference between engineering and non-engineering hugs?

Boosting the Ego

I know that I'm an amazing professor. I prep awesome lectures, I'm insanely available for my students, my tests are hard but fair, and I even get some research done.

Still, whenever you start a new job, you always wonder: do my students know I'm an amazing prof?

This week several different students (from different classes, too) decided to tell me how much they liked my teaching style, lectures, sunny disposition (where did that come from??), etc. etc.


While I like to claim to be a very confident person, and that I don't care if my students like me or my class, I gotta admit it...... I was really freakin' pleased to get the praise.



I'm sure there are many (several?) of you out there that don't give a bleepity bleep about what your students think of you. If that's the case, I'm guessing that you are tenured. (Just a guess--- if that's not the case, please correct me.) But I'm not tenured. As a new prof, it's great to hear well ahead of midterms that I'm meshing with the department. Now I just have to keep this up for the rest of the semester....

A piece of (real estate) cake

We're taught that certain events or activities should stress us out. And some of these events do stress me out.

Stuff like tax prep. Or R01 submissions. Or finding a new hair stylist in a new city.


I was also told that buying a house would be extremely stressful. I've found that the process itself is actually not that bad. You find a real estate agent, they show you some houses. Some you like. Some you mock. Some should be condemned (the houses, not your real estate agent). Some of the houses get taken off the market before you even have a chance at them. Not that bad. Way easier than picking a grad school.

Once you make an offer, you have to wait around to see if they take it. Sort of like when you wait out in the hall for your thesis decision. Or, at some schools, when you have to wait for a PI to agree to let you in the group. Or waiting through any faculty meeting (UGH).

The inspection process is by far less painful than the song and dance routine at job interviews.

Now filling out and signing all the paperwork is certainly annoying, but it definitely was more enjoyable than grading!



Hmmm...I wonder if being a homeowner will be less taxing than crushing the dreams of premed students?

How to get an ulcer

While I don't actually have an ulcer, I am sure I'm well on my way. In addition to a whole pile o' unbloggable nastiness, here are some of the reasons I've been M.I.B (missing in bloggin') lately:

- class prep is totally kicking my ass

- a student had a mental breakdown in my class

- N.A. and I adopted a dog

- Said adopted dog thinks she is not house-trained and has a penchant for biting my toes.... and waking us up at 5 am. Every. Day.

- Did I mention all the unbloggable nastiness?

- N.A. and I bought a house


Hope to catch up with you all soon....

Flu policies

Well, my darlings, I got it. No, not swine flu. Regular flu. But still. This has got to be a record or something. Who gets the flu the second week of class? (Me.)

Here at PermaU, students are told not to go to class if they think they have the flu. Instead, a flu hotline has been set up for them to call in their symptoms. Tired? Achy? Sore throat? Fever? (Hmm...sounds like most freshmen after Thursday $2 shot nights). If you fit the symptoms, you are told not to go to class.

Although I appreciate that PermaU is trying to minimize the spread of flu (don't get me started about swine flu), there are a few flaws with this system. First, what ever happened to a doctor's visit? And really, how many undergrads keep a thermometer in their rooms? Of course it feels like you have a fever-- your dorm isn't air-conditioned, and it's been in the 80s!

What are your thoughts about flu minimization? Does your campus have a new flu policy? Or has your institution shut down completely because of swine flu?

Raise your hand....

....if you're feeling overwhelmed.


I'm not sure who is more stressed out: me or my students. The key difference here is that I don't let 'em see me sweat.



Hope you're all having a fantastic start to the semester. I'm looking forward to catching up on all your posts and comments.

Fill in the blank

Orientation is ________________.


(Feel free to specify what type of orientation you are referring to-- new faculty, grad school, job, etc. etc.)


I suspect that many of you are in some type of orientation this week. Sorry. Oh, and if you are one of those senior (or junior?) faculty inflicting, I mean, informing new faculty/grad students/post-docs of various departmental policies... well.... enjoy the free food.

Overheard at the airport

I'm back after a week plus away for some science-related stuff.

I was rudely brought back to reality with this airport bathroom conversation.

An elderly woman was using the handicap stall. Her daughter (or caretaker?), who was in her mid-thirties, started talking to her from outside the stall.

Daughter: Are you doing okay?

Old Woman: Oh, yes, dear.

D: So, I have your rings here. What do you want to do with them?

O.W.: Oh, I can't just wear them?

D: No, remember that they are falling off your finger?

O.W.: Oh, yes. What can I do then?

D: Hmm... well... Oh! You could wear them on your middle fingers!

O.W.: Oh. Would people think I'm a LESBIAN then?

D: Uh, no, I don't think that's what it means.



It was a good thing I was already in a stall because I'm pretty sure I otherwise would have peed my pants from laughing so hard.

Come on, admit it...

...you know you wanna.


I know I'm not the only one out there watching summer TV (i.e., TV that some would define as "bad").


I just watched So You Think You Can Dance and Big Brother.


Judge away.


(or admit your own guilty pleasures)

How much would you pay for a microwave?

My mother has had the same microwave since 1984. It has a footprint bigger than the sinks, more than half the size of the stovetop. With counter space at a premium in her kitchen, I often asked her when she would trade it in for a more compact, modern model.

"Why would I buy a new microwave, when this one works perfectly fine?" She dismissed my wasteful attitude.

And so the black and orange monstrosity sat on our kitchen counter. I would roll my eyes at it, but I had to admit that it reheated leftovers as good as my circa 2007 microwave.

This weekend, my mother and I were going through some boxes of receipts and warranties that had piled up over the years. What did we find? The original receipt for the 1984 microwave purchase!!

The cost? $700. Seven hundred dollars! For a microwave! Can you imagine?

I know one thing: I won't be recommending a microwave trade-in any time soon!

A question for the masses: how much vacation is too much?

Semi-recently (man, am I behind!) FemaleScienceProfessor gave her interpretation of a anonymous commenter's assertion that "if the average scientist took three months off nobody would know."

Some commenters agreed, and some disagreed.

With only one brief exception, if I (back in my grad school days) had disappeared for three months (hell, even three hours!!), no one would have known because The Boss would have tracked me down, yelled at me, made me write a grant or four, kicked me out of the group, and erased all traces of me from LargeU.

Of course, I never, ever thought about taking off without telling The Boss. The longest vacation I ever took was nine days...and that was only because the flight was 10 hours. I couldn't even take a weekend off without letting the group know.


If I disappear for three hours, weeks, or even months now, no one would care. Or perhaps notice. But we can come back to that in another post.


So how about it, grad students? Does your advisor care or notice if you aren't around? PIs, what is an appropriate amount of vacation time for your students? How about yourself?

Moving never sounded so good

My apartment complex is having a pool party right now, and someone decided that it would be a good idea to have a sound system.

With a microphone.

And turn it over to preteens.


For the last hour, I have been treated to (through the rather thick walls of my apartment building) "shout outs" to their BFFs. I have also been asked, rhetorically I think, "Wad up?" They each also find it necessary to perform sound checks every time the mic is passed off.


Need.

More.

Beer.

A question for the masses: time to prep?

Well, folks, less than a month to go. No, not until Rachel Zoe starts up again. Until classes start.


I feel like I should be further along; after all, I am technically unemployed right now. What the hell else am I doing? Shouldn't I have at least a few weeks worth of lectures written for at least one of my classes? (Okay, so I'm actually done with my syllabi, just so you don't think I'm totally worthless.)


Meh. Have you started prep for the fall yet? What does that entail? Nothing, since you are done with classes? Buying chocolate, in order to fend off the sense of thesis doom? Beer, since you are a student/lab rat/professor/human? Reading the textbook, since... nah, none of us actually do that.

Happy housewife?

This post over at it's probably me got me thinking about cleaning.

I am pretty much the worst faux housewife ever. (faux because 1. I am not yet married and 2. I don't yet live in a house)

Don't believe me? Consider the following:

1. If left to my own devices (i.e., living alone), I typically ignore the dishes as long as possible. I rinse them off, of course, because although I might be a bad faux housewife, I am not disgusting.

2. I never vacuum. I am really, really allergic/sensitive to dust, so vacuuming, even with our "awesome for allergy sufferers, promise!" vacuum is borderline torture, post-sucking. And yeah, the "never" is a bit of an exaggeration. I typically use the dustbuster every few days under our kitchen table, since it is on carpet, the horror. I also actually vacuum about every two weeks. (So yes, for those of you keeping track at home, I am not only a bad faux housewife, but I am also a liar.)

3. I never dust. See above. Okay, so I dust when people are coming over, but otherwise, let the dust bunnies/tumbleweeds/monsters take over!!

4. I don't cook. I will leave the title of Delicious Dessert Diva to Julie.

And just to prove I am, like, the suckiest faux housewife ever: I can't even think of any more of my terrible housewife traits! I guess I should get back to doing what I do best: reading the Internets while eating bon-bons, while I let the dust monsters accumulate and the dishes stack up.

Naps: Nice or Nefarious?

Today N.A. and I came home from work, laid down in bed to talk, and then promptly fell asleep. I woke up two hours later with a sniff neck, angry red indentation on my face from my watchband, and groggier than when I got home.


Yup, folks, I've confirmed it: naps suck.


A long nap always seems like a really good idea when I'm riding the bus home from work or sitting in the second of three hours of a faculty meeting.

A nap seems like an obvious choice to wake me up before a weekend evening event.

Yet each time I succumb, the result is the same. I'm never rested, and I'm usually crankier than when I started.


At the risk of sounding like a teenager, I've got to ask, "am I doing it wrong?"

More work = more success?

ScienceWoman (over at ScienceWomen) has a very interesting post regarding work and the relationship between work hours and success. There are a few polls in the post directed at those in faculty positions, and the results will surely lead to some lively discussion. (so faculty, get over there and vote! And everyone else: get over there and comment...once scienceblogs comments are back up)

Here's a sample: "How do you feel about people who work fewer hours than you but acheive equal or greater levels of success?"

So far, answers are split between:

"Altrusitically congratulatory with no implications for your own performance,"

"Inspired by their example,"

and

"Jealous of their time management skills"


What would you answer?

(And for the record, I did not answer "defeated." I was one of the "Jealous of their brains/talent" votes.

A question for the masses: toeing a line?

I've seen a lot of gross behavior on planes. Tobacco spitting. Nail clipping. Nose picking. Questionable under-the-blanket motions. Large..um.... "presents" in the toilet.

But lately I've observed some (in my opinion) even more repulsive behavior: bare feet. Bare, naked feet being wiggled under seats, stretched out into the aisles, and, most horrific of all, rested on the arm seat.

Seriously. Is it possible that there is more disgusting plane behavior than bare feet on display?

Visiting Ass. Professor: Advantages (Part III)

You can also check out Part I (teaching advantages) and Part II (research advantages), if you would like.


I'm going to continue my discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of doing a Visiting Ass. position before securing a tenure-track position. As a reminder, my goal was to ultimately end up in a tenure-track position at a small, primarily undergraduate, liberal arts institution.

Here are the advantages to a Visiting Ass. position that fall into the Service category:

Service

What's a committee? At least at primarily undergraduate institutions, first-year faculty rarely have to serve on committees. In fact, at TempCollege, no first-years-- TT or Visiting Ass.-- were put on committees. No monthly (or weekly...shudder) two-hour meetings sitting around a conference table contemplating how little my opinion matters? Score!

You can pick your contribution. Since you aren't required to do any service (since, you know, you aren't on the tenure track), you can control what you do or do not give time towards. I filled in as a faculty advisor for one of the pre-professional organizations. Some of my Visiting Ass. friends got involved in their field's national association.


Hmm... yeah. I can't really think of any more service advantages. Not having to do it is a pretty big one. Service stuff can be really rewarding, but it, as I am sure many of you can attest to, is a huge time suck. Huge!



Okay, now for the advantages to doing a Visiting Ass. position that fall into the LIfe category (so, yeah; pretty much all the left over crap)

Life

It's just a year. While this is perhaps beyond obvious due to the title of the position, I'm not sure it can be overemphasized. Living very far away from your significant other? (Check.) It's just a year. Living in a state or even time zone that you previously had not explored? (Check. Check.)

Along those lines...

You can be adventurous in location. Why not live somewhere completely impractical? (I'll leave that one up to interpretation.). Remember: it's just a year!

You can figure it all out. When I went on the job market, I had no idea what I was capable of. I applied to low tier PUIs and instructor positions; after only a few months at my Visiting Ass. I knew that I wouldn't be happy just as an instructor or at a school with zero research. My underestimation of myself was pretty surprising, in retrospect, because throughout my Ph.D. I was always very aware that I was good at research and teaching, so I wonder why I undershot job opportunities? If I had accepted one of my other offers rather than the VIsiting Ass., would I be as happy as I am now?

A conversation with N.A.

Today N.A. and I went through all of our financial obligations in order to get a more concrete idea of how much we can truly afford for a house payment.

We first listed the things that we currently HAVE to pay or risk financial ruin... or at least a feature on one of those repo shows. That list included student loans and car payments.

The other list included things that I would be very unhappy to stop by for, such as my cell phone, fast internets, and an expanded cable package with DVR. After I listed the DVR/cable charge, we had the following conversation:


Unbalanced Reaction: Okay, so our cable and internet should be the same price at the house, right?

N.A.: I don't know, Unie.

UR: Hmm... you think it will be more expensive?

N.A.: No, I mean I don't know if we can get cable out there. Probably we can get dial-up, but we might have to get Dish Network in order to get TV stations.

UR: Um, dial-up?

N.A.: Yeah, for the internet. That will still work, right?

UR: ....

N.A.: Unie?

UR: Yeah, no. That's not going to work for me.

N.A.: Hahahaha! I'm kidding.

UR: ....

N.A.: You aren't laughing!


After that, we agreed that jokes about potentially cutting me off from my cable internet are no longer allowed.

Weekend of firsts

Lots of firsts this weekend!

- first true three-day weekend in a loooong time

- first time since the 90s that I visited my parents without bringing work

- first 4th without checking on the lab


and my favorite:

- N.A. and I decided to get our first realtor

Visiting Ass. Professor: Advantages (Part II)

(Part I, Teaching Advantages)

As a reminder, I went straight from grad school at LargeU to a Visiting Ass. position at TempCollege (a small, liberal arts school) to PermaU (a small, liberal arts school). They are all many miles and time zones apart.

Today I will address the research advantages (for me, for my chosen career path) to doing a Visiting Ass position.


Research

Keep in mind that most (do any?) Visiting Ass. positions do not require any research to be done. In fact, some places will downright discourage it.

You can take a break. There's no tick-tock of the tenure clock. No one expects you to do any research. You can take the nine months to regroup and recharge. I had no idea how burned out I was on 15 hour lab days until I got away from LargeU. I let two weeks pass before I even so much as clicked on an ASAP article feed. Then something unexpected happened. I started reading articles on subjects far removed from my thesis work. And most unexpectedly of all, I was actually interested in them. Not interested in a "oh, neat experiment" way but interested in a "oh, I think that could be followed up with X" or "wow, I should really try that" way.

I don't know if my situation was unusual or not, but in grad school perhaps because of lack of time or perhaps because of research snobbery (or maybe a combo of both), I just didn't typically find research outside of my project all that inspiring. Sure, I would attend (nearly) every departmental seminar, and I even frequently attended those outside of my college. I found other people's work interesting. I just didn't picture myself venturing outside of my research comfort zone. With my head clear, I was able as a Visiting Ass. to broaden my literature horizons and really think about research topics that I found interesting. My career goals did not include working at an R1 or even very tippy top PUI (and if they had, certainly I would have done a post doc!), so I knew I had the freedom to start pursuing areas in which I wasn't necessarily an expert.


You probably don't have time anyway. The reality of the first year at a primarily undergraduate institution is that you are, with only a few rare instances, doing completely new preps for classes in which there is an extremely high expectation level. (Maybe the high expectation level will only come from yourself!) Having research thrown into the mix could push you over the edge. At both TempCollege and here at PermaU, undergrads put in only a handful (as in four) hours of work a week during the academic year. Anything more is likely not going to happen; summers are for research. Would I have gotten research done at TempCollege if I absolutely had to? Probably, but certainly my teaching would have suffered.


Or maybe you DO have time! If you are so inclined, by all means do research during your Visiting Ass. time. It looks very appealing to hiring committees. It is very important to find out if your Visiting Ass. institution is open to the idea of you doing research and if they will give you any financial support. Most places will be supportive if you don't require any major purchases. Can you do projects with what they already have? Perhaps you can wrap up some data analysis from grad school? Can you run calculations while you are in the classroom?


(Stay tuned for more posts on the advantages and disadvantages of a Visiting Ass. job.)

Quickie

My brain is mush, but don't worry ('cause I'm sure you were, right?); additional posts about my Visiting Ass. position are coming soon.

In the meantime, click on over to Dr. Pion's and check out the latest job-related post. Definitely has some good linkage in there.

Wow! So Wonderful! So Amazing!

I'm a big fan of punctuation. The semi-colon is probably my favorite (followed closely by the parentheses), although you wouldn't know it from the comments I (sporadically, admittedly; my bad) leave on your blogs.

From my comments, there is one clear punctuation prizewinner.


(wait for it)


The exclamation mark!!! Wohooo!! Hells yeah!

Partly this is due to the fact that I am always! so! excited! to finally be catching up on blog reading; however, I suspect my excessive exclamations are mostly due to two other factors:

1. I do a lot of blog reading on Saturday late mornings/early afternoons, after I've had four cups (according to my Mr. Coffee, but really it's just two cups in the world of Actual Coffee Drinkers).

2. I do the rest of my blog reading late at night, so I must! over! compensate! Not that I do this consciously, of course.


What is your favorite?

Visiting Ass. Professor: Advantages (Part I)

Many, many people-- bloggers, readers, people that know me in the real world-- have asked about the pros and cons of a visiting position. I'm going to start a series of posts about the pros and cons. (Since I'm the eternal optimist, I'll give you some of the good first.)

Some background for the uninitiated: this past academic year, I took a Visiting Ass. Professor position at TempCollege far, far away from N.A., my significant other. N.A. was in a tenure track position several states (and time zones) away. At TempCollege, I was treated as an almost equal. The students were amazing, and I really enjoyed my classes and colleagues. I learned a lot, and my department was very supportive of my pseudo job search in the fall. All of this will certainly not be the case for many Visiting Asses, but all I have to go on is my situation.

The categories I'm going to address include: Teaching, Research, Service, Location, and Life. Probably some more will come up (can I post a Chocolate category...hmm... we'll see.)

I'm going to start with the most obvious advantage(s) to a visiting ass. position: teaching.

Teaching

You get lots of mentoring. Sure it may sometimes be unsolicited, but I learned a LOT from the little teaching gems my colleagues passed along to me. Would I have gotten the same amount of mentoring if I was tenure track instead? Probably? Maybe?

You get loads of experience. Most of us TA at some point in graduate school. Depending on the position and institution, this teaching experience can be as hard core as solo lecturing or as straightforward as simply grading. Some TA positions involve prelab lectures, but at least in the sciences, most TA positions will either be a lab assistant (supervising lab and grading) or a recitation leader (mostly Q&A sessions). Even the solo lecturers often don't have full control over a course. A visiting ass. position is usually the first time one has complete control over a class for better or worse. Which leads us to...

It is finally acceptable to focus on teaching. If your graduate experience was anything like mine, then you were surrounded by, well, R1 professors who wanted nothing more than to create/inspire/brainwash (heh heh) the next generation of R1 professors. At LargeU, I often met bewilderment when I expressed my love of teaching. "Why would you WANT to spend time prepping lectures?" queried my fellow grad students. "But-but you're so GOOD at this level of research! Why would you not go on to {brilliant professor}'s group for a post-doc!" My graduate mentors were, mostly, stumped. Imagine the relief of not having to defend your love of teaching all the time? Or try to squeeze teaching experience out of the watered down TA positions? Rather than spend 80 hours a week in lab, I (quite gladly) spent my 80 hours (sigh...) each week in the classroom, prepping, meeting with students, and grading.

You can be adventurous in the classroom. Now is the time to try out new teaching techniques. You aren't on the tenure clock, so there is no true pressure to have rock star teaching evaluations (not that you wouldn't, of course). Always wanted to use clickers? Want to try out POGIL? If your school is open to new methods, a visiting ass. position is the prime time to take a teaching risk. If you have something especially clever and/or productive, it could lead to an education paper.

You get a jump start on networking. I now have an easy "talk trade." That is, I can invite one of my TempCollege colleagues down to PermaU to give a talk and they will return the favor. Really comes in handy as tenure approaches. It pays to take advantage of nearby colleges and universities while at a visiting position. Meet the other profs in your field. Join the local branches of your discipline's national organization. Attend regional meetings.

You have little (if any) power outside the classroom. (Note: this is a point, as you might imagine, that will come up on several other advantages AND disadvantages lists.) In terms of teaching, the best thing about having no power is that you can invoke said absence of influence to shoo away especially persistent salespeople or book buyers.

facebook frenzy

I don't like to mix Facebook with teaching. Some of my friends have pages for the classes that they teach (tolerable), join their class fan pages (suck-ups!), or friend students (creepy).

At TempCollege, students were very good about maintaining proper Facebook distance from professors. My students waited until I mentioned Facebook first (5 creepy points to meeeee!), and then, quite relieved, excitedly asked me what the hell my profile picture was. (For the record, I was posed next to a statue from a previous teaching assignment, and yes, my profile picture and name are the only FB items of mine that would-be student stalkers can access.)

Undergrad then tested the waters with a "so can I see your profile?" She laughed, indicated that she was joking....sort of.

I informed the crowd of upperclassmen my (very standard, I think) FB policy: I accept friend requests only after a student graduates.

They excitedly pointed out that I would be departing TempCollege in mere months. I agreed to modify my policy. I will accept friend requests after a student graduates or after I leave the institution.

The friend requests came pretty much the day after graduation. The others informed me that they had my departure date marked on their calendars (by calendar I assumed they meant electronically on their iPhones, not on an actual paper calendar... I mean, do people even use those anymore?).

"Aw," I said, "that's nice that you want to be sure that you tell me bye."

"No, Dr. Reaction! It's so we remember to facebook you!!"



Did I mention how much I miss my students?

A question for the masses: need a doctor?

I've previously blogged about my preference for being called Dr. Reaction by students. At TempCollege, my colleagues always referred to me as "Dr" in front of students. I automatically returned the favor without even thinking about it. Student in a conversation with Coworker #1 and myself? "So, Undergrad, as Dr. #1 and I were just saying...." Student proceeds down the hall? "So, Coworker, where were we?"

Here at PermaU, I am frequently referred to by new coworkers by my first name in front of students. It is starting to bother me because 1. I might have some of these summer students in the fall and 2. it isn't what I am used to. (And you all know how much I love change).


Of course, you should also bear in mind that:

- I am (by nature) a very tightly-wound, uptight person
- I have gotten so accustomed to being referred to by title and last name that I barely respond to my first name
- It *is* the summer, so I think things by nature are more relaxed
- I have no idea if this is the norm or not


But it has gotten me thinking: while I of course expect students to refer to me by Dr., does it really matter if I am talked about in conversations with them by my first name? While it is the way I was "academically raised," do students even notice?

I've arrived?

Well, after driving through many, many states and a time zone or two, I've finally arrived in my new (permanent?) state. I've started my new (permanent?) faculty position at my new (permanent?) university. And now I will now forever jinx my two-body solution and call this new place PermaU.

With the switch to PermaU comes an even bigger change in my life: N.A. and I are officially living together. One lease, one place.

We've both had to abandon our bachelor lifestyles. For me, this means no more meals of snickers and crackers. N.A. has started accepting that boxes are not furniture. N.A. has had to adjust to a morning carpool schedule, while I have to stop going to bed at 2 am.

Laundry is done every few days (as opposed to a five load marathon every three weeks). I can't let dishes pile up until I run out of spoons. (I mean....um...yeah, I never did that.) Toilet seats are put down. Closets are shared.


Hmmm....what other lifestyle adjustments will we have to make?

feeding frenzy

My fridge/freezer/cupboards contain the following foodstuffs:

- 1/2 carton of soy milk

- mustard

- pickles

- four bottles of beer

- the heel of a bread loaf

- some soy patties

- two packets of tea

- gummy worms



Either an undergrad again (oh, the horror!)

OR

I'm three days away from THE BIG MOVE and my reunion with N.A.!!

go-to questions

I'm at that really awkward stage of packing where I'm not quite living out of boxes but I'm not living in a normal apartment either.

My tiny apartment has exploded-- half-packed boxes cover every available floor space of the kitchen/living room and drawers are pulled halfway open, serving as a constant reminder of how much I still have to pack. Of course, everyone around here keeps asking how the packing is going. It's the new go-to question. Of course, this makes me think back to various go-to questions for different stages of life. You know, the question that you get asked several to dozens of times a day. The question to which you might not have an answer, or maybe you have a five sentence spiel memorized since you have to spout off dozens of times a day. When the former is the case, it only drives home the underlying message: that you are stuck in place and need to move forward.

Let's take a walk down go-to question lane:

senior year, high school: So, where are you going to college?

senior year, college: What are you doing next year?

first year, grad school: What research group are you going to join?

fourth year, grad school: When are you going to start writing?

fourth and a half year, grad school: What are you doing next year?

first year, visiting ass.: How are classes going?

first year, visiting ass.: What are you doing next year? (from faculty)

first year, visiting ass.: You're leaving? What would you want to leave (from students)


Luckily for me, I do have a job for the fall, so those last questions have an answer. I can move on from this visiting ass. position.

I can already anticipate the go-to questions from my future colleagues: How does this place compare to TempCollege?

What go-to questions have you encountered?



scientiae-carnival

Committed?

In a week, I'll be with N.A. Forever. (muhahahaha) We've lived together before, but not in such final terms. Final meaning our stuff is now meshed together, we both have permanent jobs (chemistry gods willing), and we'll have a joint lease.

Clearly, it is time for the next step. We are ready for the ultimate commitment.

I've been waiting for it for awhile, and finally N.A. popped the question (over the phone):

"Unbal, would you like to sign up for a joint cell phone plan with me?"




If only we had a camera to immortalize the moment, but alas... he popped the question over the phone.

Post-semester letdown?

I've heard that actors experience a huge letdown (some call it depression) after a play ends. Since teaching a class is a production onto itself, I shouldn't have been that surprised that I would have similar feelings after the semester concluded.

Don't agree that a college class is analogous to something seen on the The Great White Way? Consider this: the students are our audience (although hopefully more participatory than a typical Broadway crowd), lecture notes serve as a script, the professor (ME) is constantly performing, improvisation is often frequently employed, and, if things go particularly well, you can receive rave reviews.

In the week after the semester ended, I was too exhausted to think about anything but GET ME SLEEP. After a few nights of 10 solid hours of sleep, I was feeling myself again...almost. Something was a little off. I don't know if it was because I felt guilt for not working as much as during the semester (so in my office from 8:30 am to 10:00 pm and then more grading from 10:30 pm until at least 12:30 am) or sadness because I knew I would never see these students again, but I felt really off.

Is this a normal feeling to experience after the academic year ends? Is it just because it was my first year and so I'm seeing my first graduation, or is this something that will happen ever year?

Don't toss that-- give it to an undergrad

Like I've said before, I hate moving. I despise how much time it takes. I have a strong aversion to change.

But most of all, I really, really dislike throwing away perfectly good stuff--food, half-used cleaning supplies, hangers, paper...the list goes on and on.

When I move, I move really far distances and with just my car, so things like cleaning supplies and food are usually sacrificed to make room for, say, my clothes and books. I'm not the kind of person to get to know my neighbors, so it's hard to find a new home for a half bottle of toilet bowl cleaner, an unwanted lamp, or a broom. So often they go discarded.

But.

Cue Undergrads!

The best thing about moving away from a small college town is that said small college town is full of Undergrads! Lots and lots of 'em! Even in the summer! And summer research students are even better because they are usually more in need! Yay for poor Undergrads! They happily take light bulbs, a lamp, coffee beans, or frozen meals off your hands. Have a 3/4 full bottle of hand soap, a house plant, or extra paper towels taking up valuable car space? There's no need to fear, poor Undergrads are here!

Hmmm....if I can free up enough space, I wonder what fun, new stuff I could bring with me....

Memorialize THIS!

Did you know that Memorial Day is coming up? I do!

Know why?

Because EVERY SINGLE service department from human resources to the dining services sent out an email today to inform me (and the rest of the faculty email list) this.

Clearly I need to reevaluate my email filters.

Linkage: You will thank me

Okay, so Professor Anonymous wrote a superfab (yeah, a said it) post the other day about summer classes with....wait for it.... lyrics about summer teaching set to "Summer Nights" from Grease.

Feel free to swoon onto your lab bench at any time.


While you are there, be sure to check out the list of key terms in the header. Excellent summer reading.

Scary TV

I've been on my couch, eating bon-bons, and watching TV for the last four hours. I know-- rough life.

I've been watching some episodes of Flip Your House. That is some scary shit. Watching the short cuts that these lowlives take is more frightening than most of the other reality offerings (even worse than Birth Control Central).

Oops, Survivor* finale is on, gotta run.






*Yes, I watch reality TV. I *DARE* you to tell me why I shouldn't.

Look, look!

Things I have done so far this weekend:

- bought thank-you presents for coworkers

- given a tour of the building to parents

- slept more than 8 hours consecutively

- tried a new riesling

- watched some housing buying shows on HGTV/A&E

- flipped through 6+ months worth of C&EN (did you know they have a blog?)


Note that I have NOT:

- answered student emails

-met with frantic pre-meds

- GRADED!!!

Benefits to moving

I hate moving. I don't deal well with change or surprises. Although I'm very flexible professionally, the circus tricks stop at work.

But last night I realized that there are a few perks to packing. Obviously, it's a great chance to go through old crap, pare down your life, blah blah blah. But here are two perks I actually care about:

1. Money! I've found $15.68 in loose change going through boxes that I never fully unpacked. I've also found $3.42 in Canadian money and about four Euros in change.

2. I (re)found my thesis! It's not like it had gone missing, but I don't exactly keep in in a very accessible place.



Anyone else going through the moving process? Care to share other bonuses to relocating?

School's out for summer!

Grades are in. Many a celebratory beer has been consumed. Students are gone. Sure, some will be back in a few weeks for summer research, but for now things are quiet.

I've started packing up my office in anticipation of the move. Okay, so I'm not so much packing up yet as sorting through the embarrassingly high mounds of random papers. But still. The countdown to the relocation (and moving in with N.A.!) has begun. In less than a month, I'll be settling in to my new job.

PhDLadyBug over at Non tenured Assistant Professor has posed an interesting question about summer productivity. "What is your best advice to make the best out of the summer months?" She writes. By all means click on over and give your two cents; goodness knows that many of us will need more than just the luck of the chemistry gods to have a productive summer after THIS crazy semester.


Anyone else beyond burned out? I know that I'm going to need a LOT more chocolate cake (and beer) before I'll be feeling like getting some actual class prep or research accomplished.

Best grading motivation EVER.

How to get grading done efficiently

1. Record an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8.*

2. Start episode.

3. Sit with pile of grading at nearby couch/table/floor.

4. Grade until the credits roll.

5. Repeat episode until grading is complete (or your eyes are bleeding).**



Good luck with all your last bits of grading! (for those of you on quarters, oh, I am so sorry for you)


*Yes, the first few episodes might be cute. But just wait. Wait for Kate's shrill harping to begin. Watch a seven year old have a tantrum (on, um, every episode) worthy of a three year old. Enjoy viewing Jon become more and more beat down.

**Extra bonus: the show is VERY effective birth control. It should come with a warning: might cause you to never, EVER want children. Or have sex. EVER again.

Special delivery

I love getting mail. I love books. So, as you can probably guess, I love getting new textbooks in the mail.

Since I'm still pretty new at this professor thing, my bookshelves are practically empty when compared with those of my colleagues. I have to seek out preview copies of texts I'm interested in, signing up for accounts with publishers or tracking down the often-elusive company representative. In contrast, my more senior colleagues get unsolicited boxes of textbooks every other week.

The packages don't just result in new editions of textbooks. They also bring out the textbook buyers. These are the guys that come around with their wheely-bags, poke their heads into every faculty office, and offer to buy back your unwanted preview copies of textbooks.

I always give the same response: "No, thank you. I don't sell back books." I actually *want* all the textbooks I've requested. I don't have double copies or newer editions of the same book. Although, to be honest, even when the day comes that my bookshelves are overflowing with unwanted textbooks, I'm still not sure I'll be comfortable with selling a free book.


Do you think it is okay for professors to sell preview copies of textbooks? If the copy was sent without being requested, does that make a difference? Do you sell back (or are planning on selling back) preview copies of textbooks? If not, what do you do with the redundant books?

On academic accommodations

If academic accommodations existed when I was in college, I wasn't aware of them. This year, each of my classes averaged 10% students with academic accommodations. Most of the given accommodations were extra time and/or quiet during quizzes and exams.

I happily oblige with any requested, documented accommodations. After all, I'm no learning disability expect, so who am I to decide how students learn (or demonstrate learning) best?

Not all of my colleagues are so..erm... accommodating when it comes to academic accommodations. Some refuse to allow students to take exams separate from the rest of the class, arguing that they have to make a new version of the exam (really???). Others don't understand that night exams can interfere with medications, such as ADD meds (I could go on and on about night exams, but I'll save that for another post).

I recently learned that one of my students who had struggled with finishing exams within time constraints all semester actually had academic accommodations. When I asked her why she failed to bring me the proper documentation (or even mention it, for that matter), she replied, "well, I won't get extra time in the real world, so why should I start now?"

I was quite taken aback by her answer. On one hand, she is right. I mean, will NIH be accepting notes regarding grant deadline accommodations any time soon? Can I shirk office hours by invoking my need for a quiet work environment?



So was my student being mature, and forward-thinking or should she have taken the allowed extra time?

Reading between the (very marked up) lines

As the semester wraps up, I have a *lot* of grading to do. Let's play a little game.

I call it: What I Write / What I Mean

What I write: Fantastic job!!

What I mean: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your wonderful exam was the one bright spot in a day of bleak exams.


What I write: Units?!

What I mean: It pains me to acknowledge that you are so careless, lazy, and/or clueless that you failed to write down units with your answer. I am emphasizing this pain with extra punctuation.


What I write: Show work.

What I mean: I can't figure out how/why you wrote this answer. (Alternative meaning: I think you copied this answer off your neighbor's paper.)


What I write: Please look over, and make an appointment ASAP.

What I mean: You are failing. You are failing and seem not to know you are failing. Please come to my office so we can discuss this. Please don't cry.

I am living proof that...

...if your students make a wish on the very first crystal that appears in their test tubes, their wish will come true.

Apparently they were all wishing that I would come down with food poisoning* and be unable to finish their finals.



Of course, they underestimate my multitasking abilities: barf, write, blog, barf, calculate....






*Funny but true: of all the crap I ate today-- chocolate cake, chips, chocolates...I'm pretty sure it was a salad that did me in. I guess I should have stuck to sugar??

An open letter to my googlers

Dear googlers,

When you google "how to cheat with calculators" or for other cheating tips (like How To Fool That Bitch Professor), the post of mine that comes up is this one.


But really.


I know you are desperate, but are you that academically pathetic that you are googling how to cheat during finals week?*


GO STUDY!!!



Signed,

U. Reaction



*That was a rhetorical question.

If my class was like America's Next Top Model...

...then it would be okay for me to


- disqualify students who arrive late to class.

- (openly) mock their questionable attire.

- tell them that they need to be more fierce.

- send them off to some foreign country for more training.





Yes, I realize that all of you probably watch much higher quality TV. Or no TV at all (Reeeeeeeally?). So you probably don't get my ANTM references. But that, dear readers, is a risk I am willing to take.

There's no crying in science

Unfortunately, no one told my students this. I just graded an exam that had so many tears fall on it that the pages were bumpy from all the dried liquid.

I've made students cry before, but never so much that they soaked the exam, blurring the ink.



Jeez... I wonder how the final will go?

You should really get that looked at...

I've broken out into itchy hives on my chest, upper arms, legs, and stomach. I'm chalking it up to a temporary allergy to grading and am self-medicating with 24-36 oz of beer followed by at least six solid hours of sleep.


I have also considered other potential sources of my allergic reaction:

- long-winded faculty meetings

- students with attitude

- over-medicating with chocolate


What makes YOU break out into (real or proverbial) hives?

pass the endorphins, please

N.A. and I haven't seen one another since New Years (more on THAT later). I think it's pretty obvious that I'm at an all time endorphin low.

Sure, I have chocolate. (Oh, sweet chemistry gods do I have chocolate.)

Yes, I could exercise. Currently, my exercise regime (haha..like I can really call it that) consists of my morning walk to work, excessive hopping and pacing during lecture, and afternoon post-coffee and liter of water sprints to the bathroom.

I haven't been to the gym since I defended my thesis.


I could blame the fact that I'm at work 12 hours a day and then come home for several more hours of grading.

But really, there is only one reason I haven't been skipping out for a noon workout: the showers are communal.

I'm not talking about little cubicles that require flip-flops.

I'm talking about one big room, 12 shower heads, and lots o' naked people.

Call me a prude, but I do NOT need to shower amongst my students. They do not need to see the state of my cellulite, lack of attention to my um...lady garden... or my tattoo.

(And don't even try to tell me that they won't notice or care. Because although I know they won't whip out their cell phones, I know I'll never hear the end of my Tinkerbell tat*)


So should I chalk this up to the ole UR list of neuroses, or would you balk at having to shower amongst the younguns?


*come on, do you REALLY think I'd have a Tinkerbell tattoo?

I'm not an alcoholic-- I'm untenured

What got me through today was a dangling carrot.

(My dangling carrot being a cold beer. Or two.)



Why is spring semester so much harder than the fall semester? (This is not meant to be a rhetorical question.)

An open letter to my students

Dear Undergrad,

When I remind you that you should not be wearing gloves in the hallway/departmental office/computer lab (anywhere but at your research bench!) please do not respond with any of the following:

1. "Oh, I forgot I was wearing them."

2. Look at me, and then proceed to run your (gloved) hand all over the wall/door/keyboard.


or, my personal anti-favorite:


3. "But I didn't touch anything!"



Sincerely,

Dr. Reaction

A question for the masses: smelly situation

I often encounter unpleasantly-odored students. (I teach freshmen, after all.)

The reason generally falls into one of two categories:

1. some cultural difference that results in deodorant not being part of the daily routine

2. failure to wash clothes and/or self (for multiple days)



So far, I've just been ignoring the situations. Maybe I could put some air fresheners in the lab?

Was Billy Bob Thornton in my class today?

I think Billy Bob Thornton was in my intro-level course today.


Okay, so not really the creepy man himself, but I had a conversation with Undergrad that went something like this:

Me: Undergrad, what time did you start the homework assignment?

Undergrad: I have no idea what you are talking about.


Watch this clip of Billy Bob completely shutting down after a Canadian deejay comments about his acting career.

DJ: When did your band form?

BB: I have no idea what you are talking about.

The first interactions comes around the 1:20 mark. (If you want to watch the meltdown, skip next to around the 7 minute mark or so. (As seen on perezhilton -- yes, I admit I read it; been reading back in his page666 days.)






So...anyone else have some Billy Bobisms from students?

facebook etiquette

Dear facebook friends (erm...acquaintances),

Please stop doing status updates about TV shows. I don't watch TV in "real time." I watch TV with my DVR or netflixs, usually around 1 am after one (or three) grading-induced beers.

So I'd appreciate not receiving any spoilers via the effing facebook feed.*







*Yes, I could stop checking facebook. But it is my internets equivalent of chocolate or Gossip Girl: it is bad for me but I HAFTA have it. NOW.

Science selecting shorties?

ScienceGirl recently posted about no longer being the shortest-- at least not compared to her committee member.

At almost 5'8", I'm a bit above average height for a woman but I tower over EVERYONE I encounter at school or conferences.* Is this just because the students are still growing?

But what about my colleagues? I'm taller than at least 75% of them, including the men. Does academia select for shorter people? Is it just science? Anyone know the average height of scientists, or does no one else observe a height difference between scientists and non-academics?






*I don't mind this at all. In fact, I *love* it. I wear heels with long pants just to give myself an even greater height advantage.

How busy am I?

My DVR is 97% full.

How chocolate mocked me

Today my dove chocolate wrapper told me to "treat every day like a Sunday."

I won't go into details about how a Sunday goes for a (visiting) assistant professor. I don't want to deter any of you from this career.

(I'm semi-joking. It's not that bad. Just a lot of prep, a lot of grading, and very, very little sleep. Oh, and N.A. many, many miles away.)


But still. The dove chocolate mocked me. Chocolate mocked me.



Has your chocolate mocked you lately?

What I learned this week

No matter how many times you tell your students, your coworkers, and yourself "it's just allergies," a cold is still a cold.

(Or maybe it's a touch of the flu.)

Even though I can make a dinner out of some mini-snickers and saltine crackers, I can't turn a nasty cold into seasonal allergies. What I *can* do is get through a week of lectures and quizzes by the always-entertaining (for my students) continuous ingestion of dayquil (i.e., CRACK) during waking hours followed by a nyquil nightcap.


Am I just lucky, or is anyone else suffering because their students brought back MORE germs after spring break?

"Always be nice to secretaries. They are the real gatekeepers in the world." ~Anthony D'Angelo

I'm not accustomed to having a departmental secretary at my disposal. Our departmental secretary is supposed to save me time. I should be giving her address labels to type up or photocopying handouts for class.

The primary problem with this setup is that in the time I have to take to explain the required task, I could just complete it myself. Nevermind the fact that on many days, I would rather collate my own worksheets than get stuck in a seemingly unending conversation.

Is there a way for me to balance my need to avoid time sucking busy working with my desire to avoid time sucking, re-explanations of tasks?

How Students Cheat: a youtube sampling

Hearing about yet another cheating incident causes the same reaction as a running sonicator: it makes me feel like my brain membranes are about to explode.

The Chronicle of Higher Education has a great article about essay mills. (yes, you need a subscription to access, so VPN thee over to the campus network!)

Many of us teaching in the sciences don't have to worry so much about paper mills as what *awesome* cheating method our students will turn to next. (and if you think you are at a school where cheating is not a problem, then by all means, invite me to your utopia. Yes, I trust my students, but I still make them sign an honor code before taking each exam. And I don't think EVERY student will cheat. I never did. Even my graphing calculator-- see below-- stayed clean.)

I like to call this segment, "how can thee cheat, let me count the ways...from youtube"

- graphing calculators. Graphing calculators should not be used in classes unless you are completely okay with students storing equations on their calculators. And constants. Doesn't matter because you supply equations and constants to them anyways? Okay...are you alright with uploading pages of text from the book?

- ipods (yay. See above for graphing calculators.)

- clear pens. This one is just sad. Pop off the top, slip in a cheat sheet, cover with hand when the prof is looking. A functional cheat sheet! (see youtube video here: best quote around 2:35 "hopefully none of my teachers see this video because that would be really awkward... I don't think any of my teachers go to youtube.")

- water bottles? (See video here to see what I mean) If anyone has actually caught a student doing this, please share. I don't worry about this one, but mostly because our desks are barely big enough for their exam books, let alone a coke bottle.



- cheat sheets??! Seriously, this tutorial has received over 90,000 hits! ...and lots of comments-- which are very fun reading if you are on, say, spring break!


But my favorite youtube cheating clip???





Have you caught a cheater in the classroom lately? With the exception of cell phones and graphing calculators, I think these clips pertain just to high schoolers. But, dear readers, if you have evidence to the contrary, do share!

Mistaken identity

I've gotten used to being mistaken for a student. Whether it's a fellow faculty member objecting to my classroom status ("but you can't be faculty-- you're just a BABY") or the secretary of the international studies department imploring me to study abroad (my delivering in-person of a rec letter was met with a "dear, have you considered our Germany program?"), I've become accustomed to being under-aged.

Now that it is spring break, campus is more absent of undergrads than during Thirsty Thursday shooter specials at the local bar. The only person I saw under the age of 20 on campus today was my department head's six year old daughter.

So the looks I garnered from various humanities professors (when I hiked through "their" side of campus on my way home) were understandable. From what I determined from my facial reading skills (honed during my hours of lecturing freshmen):

- "is it Sunday already?"

- "who let the freshmen back on campus?"

and my favorite:

- "what the EFF are you doing here?"

A question for the masses: skirting opinion

Frequently, female students are advised not to wear skirts at interviews, with the common wisdom that women will never be taken seriously if they look like...well...women.

I never saw women in skirts at grad school interviews, and I prefer pants anyways. Some of my students have come back from medical school interviews to report that everyone-- men and women-- were in matching black suits with muted colors of Oxford shirts.

Can women wear (nonfrumpy) skirts or dresses without being viewed as unprofessional?



(I suspect that many of you will be in support of hot shoes, but what about the rest of the outfit? And if you aren't familiar with Dr. Isis, click thee over there right away)

Public Displays of Affection

I've never been a fan of most public displays of affection. I don't need to see two people swapping tonsil inspections. Awkward stroking makes me uncomfortable. Please don't touch me around coworkers.

But one PDA that I find absolutely adorable is when a couple takes a walk while holding hands.

I don't know if its the fact that TempCollege Village had wonderful, sunshiny weather or the fact that spring is officially not too far away, but today, the hand-holding couples were out in full force. Dozens and dozens of couples walking their dogs and holding hands.

Is hand-holding a big thing in your town? I've gone months without seeing any non-student holding hands. What is up?

"vacation" priorities

My spring "break" is fast approaching.

Am I more excited about:

A. sleeping for more than five consecutive hours

B. cleaning all of my dishes

C. clearing out my DVR

D. getting ahead on lecture prep



It's a tough call.

Cheaters often prosper?

Cheaters often prosper because we let them. Some schools have such ridiculous requirements of paperwork/documentation to pursue a cheater, that it's not worth zinging a student for a few non-cited googlings. Other schools have such lenient plagiarism/cheating policies that faculty don't even bother reporting incidents.

When I was interviewing for jobs, I asked specific questions about how violations of the honor code were judged. Was the punishment policy black and white, or were decisions made on a case-by-case basis? Did my interviewers acknowledge that cheating and plagiarism did in fact occur, or were they blissfully in denial that cheating does and will occur in every type of class, even among the best students.*

Fortunately, TempCollege does not fall into either of those categories. My department is very aware of potential cheating problems, and Head has told me that the department would support me if ever chose to present an incident to the disciplinary board.

I might have to take Head up on the offer this week. This irritates me (particularly since my non-Spring break is fast approaching), but I'll be damned if cheating is going to occur under my "roof."





*Yes, I sound jaded. For good reason: in every single grad class I took, cheating occurred at some level. Blatant copying of problem sets, plagiarism on research papers, graphing calculator cheating, non-approved sources on take-home exams....I'm sure you could add to the list.

A question for the masses: gimme a break

Who needs spring break more: undergrads or faculty members?

Discuss.


(Note that I don't have grad students listed because how many of you grad students actually get a spring break? I know that all I got out of spring break was a break from TAing and a break from undergrads!)

TGIF

Last night I essentially pulled an all-nighter to get a set of exams graded. (Two hours of shut eye is not sleep; it's a nap.) Now I'm letting the week slip away by lounging on the couch (with no grading!) with a beer.

So while I try to drink/sleep away the memory of the week, may I direct you towards some new reading? Click on over to Temporary Professor. Temp Prof is balancing a post doc position with an adjunct teaching job. Yes, I know: wow! Click on over and say hello.

Another case of TMI

Today I received the following email:

Dr. R- Sorry that I wasn't in class today. I had really bad cramps. ~Undergrad


My reply?*

Undergrad: I have killer cramps today, too, but I sucked it up, downed some midol, and lectured for 3 hours. ~Dr. Reaction






*imaginary; not sent.

grading timeout

I have dragged my pile of grading and prep work into my cave. I have a stockpile of chocolate (dark, milk, and white) and enough coffee to power a small village (if you gave it to hamsters that ran on wheels that generated electricity for the village).

I will return soon.


Hopefully to announce that my grading is done, and not just to beg for donations of truffles or brownies.

My love-hate relationship with recommendation letters

Oh, yes. Recommendation writing season is upon us. This week alone I need to write letters on behalf of students applying for summer internships, resident advisor positions, study abroad programs, scholarships, and even to transfer to other schools.

I enjoy talking to students about what they hope to accomplish and what they have already achieved. It's nice that they feel that I know them well enough after one class with them to write a favorable recommendation. I like thinking that I may be helping my students achieve their next step... even if it is to leave TempCollege.

But.

I really am not a fan of the actual writing of the letter.

For one, I'm horribly slow. I know I'm overthinking the whole process. I know I should be able to bang out a good recommendation letter in less than 20 minutes. I know all of these things.

Letterhead is my kryptonite. I feel all my coherent sentences draining out of me once I see (or think about!) printing onto the watermarked paper.

I'm sure that I will improve with time. But until then, I've got a dozen letters to get through.

A conversation with N.A.

UR: Oh, a package!

N.A.: Oh, really? I wonder who sent it to you?

UR: Oh, it's from you! ...wait, we said we weren't doing Valentine's day presents!!

N.A.: No we didn't. When I asked you if you were getting me anything for VD, you said no. I didn't say anything.

UR: Sneaky, sneaky.


Yes, N.A. is quite sneaky. He is also very romantic, so it all balances out. I hope you are having a great Valentine's Day / Singles Awareness Day. What are you doing to celebrate? Fancy dinner? Couples massage? Girls' night out? Running a super snazzy assay?

just slap a sandwich board on me...

...or maybe I should just put up a big banner in the hallway: Students, Dr. Reaction is leaving this year. No, it is not your fault. No, there is no crying in science.

Every day for the past, oh, eight or so days, I've had to inform a student (or a whole lab section) that no, I will not be teaching here at TempCollege in the fall. I have a job. A job that should turn into a tenure track position.

While it is touching that my students (and students that I haven't actually taught!) get (so) upset when they realize I'm leaving, it's freakin' exhausting to have to address their concerns about my departure! I keep hoping that word will finally spread, but maybe I should just put a big sign on the student union, or take an ad out in the student paper?

Cranky Coworkers

What is the protocol when a coworker throws a tantrum?

What is the protocol when a coworker throws a tantrum in front of students?



If academia was a nursery school, I would sit their ass down in a time out.



But it's not nursery school. Wait.... we've got bullies on the playground, germs on everything, and plenty of us are in need of a midday nap. Hmmm.... that time out is looking more and more like a valid option.

Death by chocolate

The other night I had my most Miranda moment to date. Remember the episode of Sex and the City where Miranda has just moved into her new apartment, starts choking, recovers, and then has a panic attack because she thinks that she almost died alone and gotten eaten by her cats?? (NO? I tried to find the youtube clip....)

Well, I had a similar moment (without woman-eating cats, thank goodness) the other night. I was noshing on chocolate chips and watching [embarrassing tv show] when I suddenly started choking. Yes, I inhaled some melty goodness. I then couldn't breathe due to (what I assume to be) melty goodness blocking my windpipe.

As I slowly faded away due to the wayward chocolately juices, I realized that there were worse ways to die than by chocolate. I could get crushed in the stacks in the library. I could suffocate on chemical fumes. I could hit my head on the pipe above the washing machine, pass out, and freeze to death in the basement.

Yeah, chocolate wasn't looking so bad now.

Once I finally caught my breath, I was comforted by one thought: I have a job in the fall near N.A., and I will never have to worry about dying alone again.

Thank you; may I please have another?

This week a student made an appointment to talk about last semester's final exam. I I braced myself for a grade debate. I pulled the final out of the file cabinet, located the appropriate key, and readied the excel file.

Imagine my surprise when the student walked in with a big smile, plopped down in the office chair, and just wanted to chat about the exam.

Seriously. They thought the exam was "really neat" especially the fourth problem* which was "really cool because it was hard and stuff so I wanted to see if I got it right."





*I thought it was really cool, too, but I'm a little biased (and I didn't have to take the exam!!)

Moving on

Although I was very upfront with my students about my Visiting status, many of them still weren't aware that I would only be here at TempCollege for the year. Now that the semester is underway, it seems like all the students (especially the freshmen, surprisingly) are already planning out their future academic schedules. I've had to turn down quite a few requests to serve as a long-term advisor. I also put about half the class into a mini-panic when they learned I wouldn't be teaching them in the upper-level class that I'm currently teaching. I had to assure them that it wasn't anything personal against them or TempCollege; I simply had to continue onward towards my goal of getting into a tenure-track position at a liberal arts college.

I suppose that I should take it as a compliment that they were looking forward to taking a class from me again, but 9 am is just too early to face 15 frantic freshman.*





*say that five times fast!

New outfit?

I'll admit it: I watched the Miss America pageant tonight. I DVRed it, of course, if that makes you feel any better. Oh, and I drank a lot of beer.

But holy hell, do I need to get Miss Hawaii's talent outfit. She did this crazy Tahitian dance thing with this outfit that had feathers going out of her hips by, like, three feet.

I think N.A. would like it, although I don't think it would fit in the overhead compartment.

Switching Schedules

I am exhausted. My feet hurt from teaching for 5 hours today. My bones feel tired. Adjusting to the new schedule that the spring semester brings has been much tougher than anticipated. My teaching load is heavier, and my schedule is almost the exact opposite of last semester.

Still...I never had trouble adjusting to schedule changes when *I* was the student. Why should it be so difficult now?

First day conversation

UR: Okay, so I will see you all next time. Don't forget to come up and talk to me if your name wasn't called from the roster.

Undergrad: Hi, Dr. R. You didn't call my name. My name is Undergrad.

UR: Right. I emailed you and your advisor back. You didn't make the GPA cutoff.

Undergrad: Yeah, I know, but I thought if I came anyway, you'd sign my add form.

UR: Erm, good effort. But no. You should leave now.

Incorporating MLK into the science classroom

School is in session on Martin Luther King day. Although at first glance, it might seem challenging to incorporate the legacy of MLK into the science classroom, but it can actually be really straightforward. In my classes, we are going to be discussing minority scientists that helped pave the way for future generations of scientists. Even though I'm reminded of my minority status in my field nearly daily, it still is shocking to read about how far women in the sciences have come in recent decades.

So whether you mention the contributions of underrepresented minorities in the sciences directly in class or through an email, consider incorporating a bit of this into your lectures during this very historical week.




Oh, and happy end-of-Bush week!!!!

If Mommy says no....

...then just talk to your advisor!

Let's say that Mommy won't let you into her class. Now Mommy's reasons for not letting you enroll are very silly indeed. Who has ever heard of departmental policies? And why would it matter if you didn't learn all the material properly in the first part of the class? Silly Mommy. No.... bad Mommy.

So what is a poor student to do? Go run to your advisor who, if he is a very good, erm, Daddy, he will send Mommy a very firm (and borderline offensive) email (with you cc'd on it!!) outlining what a nice student you are, what potential you have, and just how much you really want to grow up and be a doctor, just like Grandpa.




I just love it when other faculty members try to undermine MY course policies (and authority) under the guise of being student advocates. Please. If they were really going to act in the student's best interests, they would advise the student to find a new course of study rather than fail a SECOND course in my department.

If I could sell it on eBay, I would

FemaleScienceProfessor recently blogged about name preferences. In the comment thread, a new discussion came about from Scientista's comment. Here's an excerpt:

"One of my profs, let's call him B, said something really inappropriate in class the other day that made me think of this blog. I was responding to an email on my Blackberry (in fact writing to another prof) during his lecture, and he comes next to me as he handing out a reading assignment and says "What, you're writing to your girlfriends to tell them how attractive the shirt I'm wearing today is?". I found that really rude: what, because I am a girl, the only subject of my emails can be boys, and in particular, him? "

I won't post the back-and-forth that ensued (but really, go read it!! Starts at 1/12 08:42 pm), and I also won't post my initial reaction (contains language that even I won't post here).

Scientista's comment did get me thinking about cell phones in the classroom. I don't want to hear a ringtone during lecture. Trust me: if I could sell them on eBay, I would. During exams, they must be completely off and stowed in a backpack; if I see them on their person, it is my prerogative to report them to the honor board (per my syllabus and the honor statement on the front of the exam). So far, my students have complied with minimal incident.

My colleagues often express surprise that I write in a no cell phone clause into my syllabus. How could I be that particular? BUT....they tell me of frequent Blackberry use in their classrooms, and that the students feel entitled (yes, they have actually said that to a prof, with attitude, too; I know...I thought the same thing: AW HELL NAW) to use them when they are bored (no, seriously, go read the thread!!)

Give me a break. Cell phone usage, just like ANY unrelated task (knitting, suduko, other homework) is not only rude to the prof but also distracting to other students. (And for any of you offenders out there: YES. It *is* distracting to other students, and YES I can track eyeballs from my vantage point in the, um, front of the class.)

So students, by all means, turn off your cell phones and fully pay attention. Who knows, you might learn something.
Faculty members, by all means, put your foot down! You should not tolerate such rudeness in your class.

I'll improve, really!

Hi Dr. R, what's up? I know you know this by now, but I didn't get a high enough grade in [part 1], at least that's what the registrar said. If you could please let me into your [part 2] class, I promise I will try hard. If the department still wants me to take [part 1] next fall, I totally will take it. Just please let me take this class so I can be a doctor just like my dad.

Thanx,

Undergrad





Best. Email. Ever.


Okay, so probably not, but I, like, totally enjoyed the fact that Undergrad thought that department's concern was not that Undergrad learned the material well enough to continue on in part 2, but that the student received a passing grade. Since it's, um, you know, a competition among departments as to which has the higher overall GPA. Ha.

I'm sure you've gotten an even more fabulous email from a student, coworker, PI...take your pick. In honor of the start of the spring semester, please share below!

It's happening....

I look young, dammit. People get into arguments with me about how I couldn't possibly have a Ph.D. I get mistaken for a student ALL. THE. TIME.

Sure, I have gray-- no, white-- hairs that are more than 6 inches long. But I still look young, dammit.

Today, at the grocery store, I got carded when I tried to buy my pre-semester beer. "You must have just turned 21," said the cashier.

He was joking. You know, like when a waiter tells a grandma that she could be her daughter's sister.



Dammit!

Freshmen = fresh start?

Students here at TempCollege that fall below a certain GPA automatically come up for review for either suspension or expulsion.

I think that freshmen should be given an additional semester to try to improve (even those with GPAs below 1.0), but not all of my colleagues agree. I feel that students should be given another chance to show that they have learned from their mistakes. Pick classes that are a better fit, take advantage of academic resources, and show a bit of maturity. If grades don't improve, then enforce a suspension.

What do you think? Do you think freshmen that can't cut it their first semester will never make it? Sure, not everyone belongs in college, and some students will never adjust. Or do you think that giving them another chance might result in a changed student?

First real vacation

I've been talking to a lot of other first-year professors this week. All of us are sporting the same dumb grin.

You know, the kind of grin a little kid has when he's gotten away with something.

Why the silly grins? For the last many (manymanymany) years, we've had a month "off" at Christmas. For those of us who had to fly home for the holidays, this "month" meant we got to watch as the campus emptied while we ran our gels / crunched numbers / wrote more paragraphs. We flew home as close to the 25th as we dared. If we were feeling especially rebellious that particular year, we might take a whole six days off. Of course, each of those days you were (at the very least) still checking your work email multiple times a day and catching up on literature. And for at least 90% of the time, we were plagued by one of the worst kinds of guilt: lab abandonment guilt.

So this year, I've had two straight weeks of vacation. Sleep-filled, guilt-free vacation. Likewise, my fellow first-year profs have had similar REAL vacations. It's a very odd feeling. I feel completely rejuvenated (who knew that's what vacations were for!!), yet I have this (tiny) nagging feeling that I've gotten away with something.


This past week, I've been doing some low-key semester prep (one class done, one to go!) in meeting interview activities. I still have another week before classes start.

I love my job.

interviewin'

Off to an interview. Back to a (semi)regular blogging schedule this weekend.

On fried chicken and twitches

N.A. and I drove about 15 hours yesterday. I stopped counting states after we hit the five-state mark. Here's a letter I wrote while on the road:


To whom it may concern:

Why did you look at a Kentucky Fried Chicken menu and think, "hmmm...this would make a GREAT buffet!"

Signed,

UR



In other news, my eye twitch has returned! Woohoo! My right eyelid flickers for approximately 30 seconds, every 45 minutes or so. Health experts agree that eye twitches are generally a result of some combination of dehydration, sleep deprivation, stress, or excessive viewing of road kill. I'm not that concerned.

I suppose the best thing to do is drink a bunch of water, get a bit more sleep (more than 11 hours???), chill the fuck out, and stay off the roads.

Guess I won't be driving to the nearby KFC buffet, eh?

A Pair of Packrats

Well, after spending the last hour in the basement with N.A., it seems that we have another thing in common: we are both terrific pack rats.

We had the typical things to go through. I voted to save all the religious stuff (he did not really want to), while he wanted to save all the school projects and boy scout stuff (which I wanted to chuck). Here's how it panned out:

Communion book (save). Teenage mutant ninja turtle action dolls (save....sigh). Baseball cards (save...double sigh). Binder of all emails sent to and received from previous girlfriend (toss). 8th grade school project (toss). Yearbooks (save). Microscope from 1960 (save). Boy scout handbook (save...sigh). ....and so on.


Over Christmas, my mom was prodding me to go through several boxes of old things as well, so it's not like I'm any better. (However, thanks to her ruthless yard sale skillz, Mom has gotten rid of most of the old toys and books already.) At least now I can get N.A. to help me go through them (woohoo for precedents!).

Once we have a house, I think N.A. and I are going to have to make it a yearly (or better yet, semesterly) tradition to take a half-day to try to declutter. Just imagine where our packrat tendencies could lead us once we have a little N.A. or UR! (I'm thinking only one thing here: storage unit!!)

Chillaxin' in the New Year

Perhaps nothing is more encouraging about a relationship than meeting the "in-laws" and realizing that

1. I am very comfortable with these people and
2. These people are awesome.

I've met N.A.'s family before. This is my second time in N.A.'s state, but my first holiday. I've been eating awesome food. I can sit with them and blog. I've slept 10 hours, 10.5 hours, and 11 hours in the last three days, respectively. Waking up at noon elicits no judgement from them.

Yuck, do I really have to start spring semester soon?

How do you fare with the in-laws (or "in-laws")? Did you ring in 2009 with them?