I promise I worked really hard!

Is it just me, or does this batch of undergrads seem especially eager to please?  I had a number of students email me at the end of the semester to reiterate (or, in some cases, indicate for the very first time) how hard they worked this semester.

That part I get.  They don't want me to judge them for their low grade, they really did care about my class, etc. etc.

The next part I don't understand.  A significant number of these "hard workers" then go on ask for a grade increase solely based on their effort.


I find that pretty shocking.  Not the part where they think hard work is the only indicator for a grade.  The part where they would actually ASK for a higher grade based on their perceived effort and not product.


I doubt that this is the strangest post-finals request out there.  Get any particularly awesome ones this year?

Students are out to get us!

...or at least that is how it feels sometimes.

Faced with a classroom full students armed with bored faces, armed with texting weapons, teaching can sometimes take an "us versus them" tone.


But just like professors aren't plotting against students, our classes don't meet in the dark of night to plan against us.


The Forbes article is an interesting read.  I wonder what the student version would include?

Why do students do THAT?

I do not understand why my students insist on calculating what minimum grade they need on the final to get X grade in my class.

Is this really motivating?

Does it actually help to know you need a 106% to get a C in the class?  If you only need an 86% to get an A, will you only study an 86% worth?  If you know there is no chance to pass/get an A/whatever, are you still going to be motivated to study?


Why do students do that?

'Twas the night before the exam...

It's less than twelve hours until the exam.

I shouldn't have checked my email.  It's the end of the semester; my blood pressure just can't handle it.



Prof. Reaction,


I'm sick so I can't take the exam tomorrow.  When can I re-take it?  I think I will feel better by Thursday.


Undergrad



I did what I suspect many of you would have done:  I logged out of my email, shut my laptop, and poured myself another glass of wine.


Cheers to the end of another semester!

You won't like all of your students

Perhaps this isn't shocking to you.

But when I was first told this at my first faculty orientation meeting, I was doubtful.  Sure, I had experienced unpleasant moments with students in the past, but I certainly didn't dislike any of them.  I am completely objective!  How could I dislike my students?  I will be the picture perfect fair and balanced professor.  I want to teach!  I live for teaching!  I will adore all of my students, and they will adore me!!


Ha.


Fast forward a few semesters.

Call me Professor Cranky, but there are several students that hang around the science complex that I just don't like.  The funny thing is that none of them are currently in my classes.  I guess that is fortunate.

I have no doubts that if I were to have some of these "special personalities" in a future class that I would be completely objective.  But I certainly won't complain if some of these kids hurry up and graduate.

Is there a dress code for undergrads?

I am taking my undergraduate researchers to the Very Big Conference this spring.  And boy, are they excited.

One of them is so excited that she is asking her parents for "conference clothes" for Christmas.


When she told me this, my first thought was aw, aren't my undergrads great?

As I smiled at my undergrad, another question wiggled its way to the front of my brain:  crap!  What am I going to tell her to buy?

Obviously, I'm not going to recommend that she buy a skirt.  But should she wear a suit at the conference? Or just some business casual wear?

Is the dress code different for male undergrads?


Clearly conference dress varies wildly among faculty.  Some follow a business casual code, while others are more the jeans and polo type.


So what about undergrads?  Do you care what your undergrads wear to conferences?  What do you think of undergrads who show up in a suit?  Does the dress of students at all reflect upon their faculty member?

Why I hate registration week

In the past two weeks I've received at least 34 variations of the following:

Yo Prof Reaction,
I know that I am number 32 on your wait list, but can I please, please PLEASE get into your class next semester?  My current prof, like, totally sucks, and I've heard that you are SUPER amazing.  I know that I will only do well if I have you because you are, like, sooooo amazing.  I can't possibly still take my other four perfect profs' classes if I'm not in your section.  Please, is there anything I can do to get into your class?  I hope that you will consider moving me ahead of the other students.


Thanks so much,
Undergrad



I've received such pleas via email.  I've had messages left on my voicemail.  The worst by far are the teary pleas made in person.


As a result, in the past two weeks, I've had to deliver at least 34 variations of the following:

Undergrad,
Thank you for your kind words.  If I can find alternative schedules for you  in < 1 minute then no, I do not believe your world will end if you do not have me as your professor next semester.  Otherwise I would definitely move you ahead of the other 31 students ahead of you in line.  I am not sure if your desire to take my class has more to do with your misconceived notion that I am easy or you  are implying that none of my colleagues could possibly teach to the same amazing level that I do.  


I recommend that you enroll in one of the many, many open seats in another section.  


Best,
Dr. Reaction








Okay, so my email replies actually look something like this:

Undergrad,


Thank you for your kind words.  As number 32 on the wait list, it is highly unlikely that you will get into the class.  I suggest that you arrange your schedule to accommodate one of the other open sections of this course.


Best,


Dr. Reaction






Is it winter break yet?

Grad school: best of times or worst of times?

It seems that each week I am asked to tell my Tales From Grad School to another Undergrad.  I am always honest about my grad experiences, which, as some of you know, boarded on the semi-awful to the what-the-hell-was-I-thinking awful.

Of course I'd do it all over again!

This past week, an Undergrad commented that he had thought grad school sounded like so much fun, but then after talking with all the profs, he wasn't so sure.

Oops.

Are you honest with your undergrads about your grad school experiences?  And on the scale of awful, where did (does) your grad school life fall?

Cushy conference accommodations?

I'm on my way back home after a week-long conference.  Although I didn't travel with students on this conference, I typically do.

When I was an undergrad, we crammed into hotel rooms.  Four or five of us to a room.  Always shared beds.  Even as a grad student, if other female students from LargeU were attending, we shacked up together.  Often beds were shared.

One of my colleagues feels that undergrads shouldn't share beds.  But only two students to a room?  That's just not practical in most cases.

What hotel arrangements do you make for your research students?  

Adjusting expectations at a PUI

I'm a tenure track professor at a predominately undergraduate institution (PUI).  Current grad students often ask me what's the most important thing I've learned about my job.  In my opinion, the most helpful thing I've learned in my first two years here is to adjust expectations.

I've adjusted my expectations about scholarship.  With my undergraduates only spending four to six hours a week on research, I have had to recalibrate with respect to research productivity.  Research tasks that would take me a week to accomplish might take my students all semester.  I don't anticipate submitting a paper before June.

I have also lowered my expectations about the strength of incoming students.  I've found that I can't take for granted that my freshmen are coming into college with the math and writing skills that I would expect.  More time is taken in the first semester to bring all students up to speed on written communication and problem solving.  Would it be awesome to just teach to the top 10% of my class?  Of course.  Would it get me tenure?  I doubt it.

Perhaps the biggest adjustment is to the state of funding.  My start up funds were not too terrible, but I can't bank them for next year.  I have to spend everything up and just hope I can get enough preliminary results to warrant a Big Funding Agency to decide that I deserve to be in the special top 13% group (or whatever the funding line is).  There are essentially no internal funds here, so I have to get outside funding.  This is a daunting enough of a task at a research institution, let alone at a PUI.  And so I've learned to not be surprised by the lack of internal and external funds here.  What if I run out of money next year?  Me stressing about the worst case scenario certainly won't help my undergrads be more productive.  All I can do is keep truckin'.



Now, should I passively accept subpar students or a paucity of funding?  Of course not.

But it certainly helps me maintain my sanity if I can adjust my expectations for the time being.

Drinking with students?

In grad school, it was a given that profs and students drank together.  After all, no one can work that many hours for that little glory without a serious cocktail habit.  (or maybe that was just me?)

If you teach at a PUI, the majority of your students are under 21.  I certainly wouldn't go grab a beer after classes with any of them.  THAT is frowned upon here.



But what about at conferences?  Drinking is an integral part of research conferences.  (or maybe that is just me?)

If an undergrad is 21, would you invite them out with a group of colleagues for drinks?  What about former group members from grad school?

They're out to get me!

...or so claim my students.


We're at midterms.  A few things are guaranteed to happen.


1.  Advisees will cry in my office.  Daily.

2.  Coworkers will beat the photo copier into submission.  Daily.

3.  Students will claim there is a Great Professor Conspiracy (GPC).


Oooo!  A conspiracy, you say?

Didn't you know that all professors meet, pre-classes, to decide to put exams all on the same day?  No?  You didn't know that all professors not only meet to decide this, but actually ENJOY the pain that this inflicts upon their students?


Yeah.  So this is what a small group of students claim every year.  I'm sure you have some students that propose a similar GPC.  ....right?

The Undergraduate Writing Process

This is EXACTLY how my students write their papers:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Research with students

As many of you know, I am at a primarily undergraduate institution. I do all of my research with undergraduates.

While I have always assumed that the last statement goes without saying, I've recently learned that some of my peers do their research WITHOUT students.

Is this okay? Is it field dependent?

I always thought that it went without saying that the PI should, no matter what the classification of the school (or discipline, for that matter), do research with her students. Heck, even as a grad student I worked with undergrads.

So please tell me: is it okay or absurd to do research without students?

Dangling the carrot: research with undergrads

Practically a lifetime ago, I posted about undergrads needing incentives to complete coursework.

I've found that the same is true for my researchers. Sure, some undergrads will be motivated to research just for the sake of doing the research. But, in my experience, most of my undergrads need an additional incentive for their lab work.

In grad school, The Boss would dangle the promise of a C/N/S paper in the hopes that that would motivate me. (It didn't. The best motivation was getting a graduation date. Duh.)

For some of my undergrads, the promise of coauthorships really excites them. I have another who is really motivated by the potential for travel to conferences. My newest student wants to accomplish a lot on his research project so he can be competitive for top graduate programs.

(And I should note that while The Boss made-- it turns out-- empty promises, I know that I will, DAMMIT, get some papers out, take my students out of state, and get them into the best grad programs. Dammit.)

What's the most effective carrot for YOUR researchers (undergrads, grads, or post docs)?

The pros and cons of summer teaching

I was warned by colleagues of the many, many cons of summer teaching. Turns out, it really isn't that bad! Doctor Pion asked for some reasons that my class went so well. Part of it was luck. Although I had a pretty typical mix of summer students-- lots of course repeaters, some very weak college students, and a smattering of transfers-- they were respectful and very engaged in lecture. I was extremely upfront with the students about expectations, and I really, in their words, "kept it real." I think what my students meant was that I was very blunt about the summer workload and the failure rates. I also really enjoy teaching and getting a break from lab, so my enthusiasm wasn't forced. Even at 9 am. Grrrr.

But mostly I was successful because I had really fun students. Even this one!!

Class composition aside, here are, from my point of view, the pros and cons of summer teaching.

Pros

You can try new things in the classroom. My summer class was much smaller than my normal semester classes (20 vs. 30). I also have far fewer obligations during the summer, since committees are on break and most of the students are gone. As a result, I was able to try out some new-to-me group activities. Want to try out clickers for the first time? Dying to trade out tests for some other assessment tool? Summer can be a stress-free time for that. You have more prep time for the one class than you normally would. Also, you can quickly find out what works and what doesn't because....

You get instant feedback. If students don't understand something during the semester, they have a few options: 1. wait until the next class period (1, 2, or 4 days away, depending on class schedules), 2. wait until office hours, or 3. actually! type! an email! (students seem especially reluctant to use email here at PermaU...anyone else notice this?). In the summer, the students see me every day. Sometimes even twice a day. For multiple hours in a row. This gives them plenty of time to ask for clarification on lecture or get help with a problem set. I was able to catch problem students far ahead of midterms... more like on the second day of summer classes. As a direct result (and because the students actually did the work), my DFW rate was better than during the fall/spring semesters.

You gain new perspective on a course or course sequence. Teaching a semester's worth of material in four or five weeks really helped me to see the big picture much, MUCH more clearly. What do I really want my students to get out of my class? How does my class connect to other classes in the curriculum. It is a lot easier to see past the day-to-day details when you are only focusing on one class.

You get paid! Recall that most academic appointments at PUIs are nine month. Although paychecks might be spread over 11 or 12 months, you are really only paid for nine of 'em. While the money is a huuuuuge improvement over grad school stipends (for the love of the science gods, I would hope so), if you have a kid/house/expensive shoe habit, you can always use more dough. Note that I'm not saying it's good dough (see cons).

Cons

The pay is awesome. And in this case, by awesome I mean awesomely bad. My rate was not all that bad, especially since I had taught the class before (so no brand new prep to do). There was a catch: I didn't get any money until my grades had been submitted and then recorded by the registrar!

Two words: burn. out. If you teach in the first summer session, you probably get a very tiny break after spring finals get out. If you teach in the second session, you only have a week or two before fall classes start. Not only does this make it challenging to schedule vacation time, it does not give you a true break from teaching. Fatigue is something all profs battle, no matter what their institution's classification. Will you have enough time to recover?

There's no other place to run. During the regular semesters, I teach two or three different courses. Believe it or not, I actually teach some pretty boring shit from time to time (I know, shocking). It is rare that two classes have two boring lectures occurring on the same day, so I can always balance the boring prep or grading with another class's more entertaining stuff. When you only teach one course, you are stuck.

You get instant feedback. What? Wasn't this also a pro? Well, it goes both ways. Because everything is on hyperdrive in the summer, students don't get as much time to let the new material simmer. This can result in them taking their frustrations out on the prof. While this didn't happen to me personally, I did see it happen in the first summer session a lot.

I am sure I have left some things out. Perhaps something that I've listed as a con is actually, in your opinion, better interpreted as a pro. You know where to straighten me out.

If I hear the bing! from one more text....

...I am going to shove this pipet into my eye socket. After removing my safety glasses, of course.

All day long I have the "opportunity" to hear the distinct trilling of cell phones when a text is received. Students receive them during lab. I hear them going off in other classrooms. Even my colleagues are in on the texting action-- I can hear one faculty's phone from 8 doors down!

My research students learned by the second text to keep their phone away while in lab. Unfortunately, I can't run around, grabbing cell phones out of hands and pockets. That would be weird. And assault, probably.



Why do people need to be notified of text messages all damn day? And why are the notification sounds so annoying? When did email stop being instant enough?

summer teaching: requesting time off

Turns out I was right about summer teaching: it is awesome!

I get to experience a semester's worth of inspiring successes, tearful moments, and, my personal favorite, eye-roll-worthy requests all in a very condensed period of time.

One such eye roll moment occurred today.


Undergrad: Yo, Dr. Reaction.

Me: . . .

Undergrad: I need to go on vacation next week. I'm going to miss a test and three labs.

Me: That's true.

Undergrad: So how can you work with me to get this work made up?

Me: What the hell is wrong with you?*


*Okay, so my actual response was to remind him of the course policy, which is clearly outlined in the syllabus of course, of not excusing personal travel. And that missing a week of summer class was equivalent to about three weeks of the normal semester. And that Undergrad would receive zeros for the missed work.


Undergrad: Oh. That sucks.


Yes, my dear Undergrad, that does suck.

Let's clean another dirty mouth

You know those Orbit gum commercials? The ones with the tag line, "Orbit cleans another dirty mouth"? Like this one:

Wouldn't it be great if we could do that to our students?

Now, I'm no fucking angel when it comes to my language.

But I certainly don't scream out expletives every five seconds in lab. I save 'em for something that actually warrants the foul language. Like fire.

When I was in college, I would have been mortified if my prof caught me dropping an F bomb.

Dare I ask what's different about this generation?

An open letter to the Precious Little Snowflake

Dear PLS,

Why do you sing in the lab and hallway? Normally, I would ask if you need more attention.

But you are a Precious, Little Snowflake....so surely that cannot be the case.

Signed,

Dr. Reaction

P.S. Shaddup! Thanks.