Benefits to moving

I hate moving. I don't deal well with change or surprises. Although I'm very flexible professionally, the circus tricks stop at work.

But last night I realized that there are a few perks to packing. Obviously, it's a great chance to go through old crap, pare down your life, blah blah blah. But here are two perks I actually care about:

1. Money! I've found $15.68 in loose change going through boxes that I never fully unpacked. I've also found $3.42 in Canadian money and about four Euros in change.

2. I (re)found my thesis! It's not like it had gone missing, but I don't exactly keep in in a very accessible place.



Anyone else going through the moving process? Care to share other bonuses to relocating?

Dance your Ph.D?

(How about FINISH your Ph.D.) Yes, folks, tomorrow is the deadline for submissions for the 2009 AAAS Science Dance Contest. I must say, I'm impressed. Not by the choreography or stunning technique. Okay, there is one that is about lobsters (which I love to EAT), which has impressive (although pointless?) effects (FIRE!!!) and a Cirque de Soleil shark:



No, I'm impressed that these grad students, postdocs, and professors have the time to choreograph the "moves", design costumes, AND perform the pieces. What. The. Hell. This is truly impressive. When I was a grad student, I barely had time to eat (let's not talk about grad student hygiene, okay?) let alone create a dance about my thesis.

If I had though, mine would DEFINITELY have looked something like this (as this was what I was doing most nights around 10 pm, just to stay awake long enough to continue my underwater basketweaving):




So. (yeah, you lose all words after watching that, right? I wonder what Mia Michaels would say??)

What would YOUR dance interpretation of your dissertation be?

Breaking up is hard to do

Some might say that nothing lasts forever. Breaking up is inevitable. You drift apart. Even if you were helped through the roughest times.

In my case:

Seven-figure grant submissions.
Tedious bus rides.
Calming down after horrible encounters with Awful Coworker.
The Thesis.
Job interview preparation.
Long delays at Sucky International Airport.

(to name a few)

So why would I ever turn my back on what got me through such dreadful times?

Oh, dear iPod, I am so sorry. Your iTunes are expensive, and I'm too chicken to plug you into my work PC (what if you self-erase!!??). You have been replaced. pandora.com gives me fantastic playlists. Old stuff, new stuff.

So I'm sorry. Perhaps we will slowly build back up to our previous relationship. After all, at one time I thought we were soulmates.

Where do you keep it?

Every once and awhile Instyle magazine asks Academy Award winners where they keep their Oscar. Answers range from the typical (on a shelf, in the office, on the nightstand) to the unexpected (chicken coop, bathroom, storage).

The other night, I was digging through a cabinet trying to locate the top to one of my coffee travel mugs. Underneath a pile of books I noticed some (vaguely) familiar gold lettering. There, wedged between my fireproof safe and Paris travel guide was my thesis.

I remember, back at the start of graduate school, thinking that I would always keep my thesis on my bookshelf in my office. I figured it would be inspiring to the undergrads that came to my office hours.

Ha.

So. I gotta find out if I'm the only one. Where do you keep your thesis (or where do you plan to store it)?

A conversation with N.A.

I didn't have any corrections for my thesis. This can be attributed less to my brilliant writing and more to the fact that I send The Boss chapters as I finished them....and likely the indifference of the rest of my committee (although to be fair, four of the chapters were previously published so they didn't really need to look at those).

One of N.A.'s committee members is notorious for his attention to detail. N.A. came back from his defense with a copy dripping in red ink. Today he came by my office to make use of our extra large monitors (multiple windows of the same Word doc is my favorite. feature. ever.)

"There's corrections on every page!" He complained to Coworker.

I thumbed through his copy, interested to see if that was true.

"There!" Here's a clean page!" I triumphantly jabbed the unmarred page with my pointer finger.

N.A. blinked and calmly replied, "Yes, but that's because it's my references."

Poor N.A. I hope he can get through the corrections soon! Then there will be two doctors in this house!

sense of entitlement?

During my time here at LargeU, I've had the...ummm...opportunity to meet all kinds of graduate students. None irritate me more than those that feel that they are entitled to a Ph.D. And I'm not going to go off on a "a Ph.D. is a privilege" or any crap like that.

I just think that a Ph.D. requires a lot of hard work. For the sciences, this hard work roughly translates into slave labor as you balance 70+ hours a week in the lab and often coursework and often TAing. Grad school is not for the feint of heart. Grad school is not for everyone.

So I get really irritated when I hear / talk to / see Facebook references (yeah, yeah, I know) to fellow graduate students (that openly do NOT spend even 40 hours a week in lab OR have to take classes anymore OR TA) bitching about how they can't wait to get past this horrible thing called graduate school and out into the real world where they have no BS to deal with or hoops to jump through. These types of people are not working hard and merely using up grant money for their RAs (now at least they are conserving money by not spending it on lab supplies!!)

People like that have gotten kicked out of my research group. For a variety of reasons, other PIs in my department have been more tolerant.

To be clear, I don't begrudge those who can come in, do their 8-5 M-F, and get results. I simply can't do that. What I don't like to see are slackers that barely get by their classes, do a crappy job teaching, get virtually no research accomplished and then still get a Ph.D. from LargeU.

You know the type of grad student I'm talking about. I'm sure you can elaborate.

Is ignorance bliss?

Many of my fellow graduate students here at LargeU are married. I know a few of the spouses, but more often then not, I don't. I always watch their reactions at their counterpart's thesis defense with interest. Were they supportive over the years? Did they understand that some nights their Ph.D-bound partner wouldn't be home? Did they nag their spouse not to work weekends, even though the experiments don't (usually) run themselves? Are they on the level of SuperWife?

These are the questions I ask myself when I see the non-student's beaming faces and slightly glassed over eyes, which can only mean one thing: "thank god s/he is done; what the fnck is s/he talking about?"

On Friday *I* got to play the supportive partner role when I attended N.A.'s thesis defense. It made me very, very glad that we're both finishing up at the same time. Although I might have been a little glassed-over at some of his slides, I knew exactly what he was going through. I knew he'd be exhausted afterwards, and I also knew he'd be feeling a little let down by how anticlimactic it all ends up being.

On the flip side, I was terribly nervous for him because I knew the kinds of questions his committee members are known for asking. I knew that his PI was prone to sitting on his students' theses, refusing to sign off on them.

So I wonder, is ignorance, when it comes to the graduate school process, bliss? I'm not talking about the first-year student's wide-eyed, overly enthusiastic ignorance at the whole system; I'm referring to the boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses of graduate students. Are you with a fellow grad student/ academic? Or do you think it's better to date outside the bubble??

"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other." ~A. Landers

Growing up, we weren't allowed to watch much TV. During the school year, there was no TV permitted on school nights. On weekends, we were allowed Nickelodeon or Sesame Street.

In college, I didn't have a TV until my senior year, and even then we only got whatever our foil-covered antenna could pick up. I didn't get cable until well after my preliminary exam, so well into my 3rd year of graduate school. And I got my new boyfriend at the same time-- my DVR. Oh, how I love my DVR. During college football season, I now routinely watch 5 games per Saturday-- after coming back from lab!

The other awesome thing about the DVR is that I can easily record crappy TV without rearranging my schedule. I *love* crappy TV. N.A. loves TV that "makes him think." Bleah. I have to think all day long about really hard stuff. When I watch crappy TV it's the only time that I can do a complete brain dump and just not. have. to think. It's awesome.

My latest favorite crappy TV? WIPEOUT and I Survived a Japanese Game Show. New summer shows just in time for a nice thesis brain dump!

Does size matter?

In my department, the average thesis weighs in somewhere around 150 pages, with acceptable theses anywhere from 120 and up. A thesis that is 100 pages will raise eyebrows. One that tips the scales at 300 makes committees groan. I don't know of anyone in my generation that has graduated from my department with a two-volume thesis (once you go over 500 pages you have to bind it into two volumes). According to the deposit office, the largest in recent years at LargeU checked in at 1200 pages. It was a Communication major's.

The size of the thesis causes many grad students angst. I kept a page count as I went, but I wasn't terribly concerned with length (but that might have been because after I compiled my published first-authors, I was already over 80 pages).


And for the record, mine clocked in just at 200 pages.


I think worrying about thesis length is silly, particularly in the grand scheme of graduate school. But you would be amazed at how often I've been asked, "how long was yours?"

Does size matter in your department?

Graduation: undergrads vs. overgrads

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success." ~ Robert Orben


As you, dear readers, already know, a few weeks ago I participated in my PhD graduation ceremony. Here at LargeU, we can just participate in our departmental ceremonies, which cuts down the numbers from several thousand graduates to <100.

Not that it felt like any less when we were all jammed into the hot, stinky bowels of the theater for lineups. And by "we" I mean all of the chemistry undergrads, those that mastered out, and the PhDers (aka the "overgrads").

Surprisingly, the undergraduates were on their best behavior (way to get alphabatized!), while it was we PhDers that were the troublemakers. Actually, in retrospect, I think that the undergrads' stellar behavior-- a stark contrast to their usual loud and stickiness on the buses, in the student center, or sprawled half-naked on the campus lawns-- had more to do with their bewilderment at our frilly gowns (what's with all the velvet?), extra accessories (silk hoods are so in this Ph.D. season), and uncharacteristically good spirits (grad students are not known for their sunny dispositions).

So while the undergrads all dutifully stood in their line, on the other side of the hall we were all hamming it up. Contraband cameras (we weren't supposed to carry anything into the ceremony except for our hoods-- thank goodness for giant doctorate sleeves!) flashed as we all darted in and out of line to snap photos. Eventually the departmental staff gave up; I think they knew that once they bellowed "let's go!" we'd all come to attention.

If you had asked me five years ago (okay....4.75) if I would be participating in my PhD graduation, I would have rolled my eyes. But I'm really glad that I walked and got hooded. It was a lovely capstone to years of insanely hard work, and it was awesome to have my family there to cheer me on. It didn't hurt that N.A. graduated with me, too.

Blogger, interrupted

My recent absence from the blogosphere is due to a wicked combo of graduation festivities and a much needed vacation abroad. I'll be back to the States next week.

Posts to look out for:

* Key observations of and reactions to all that is the PhD graduation

* Interactions with The Boss post-doctoring

* Thoughts on why I am pro-drugging children (note I did not say infants) on trans-Atlantic flights


Hope all is well with you! I look forward to catching up on your blogs once I'm back home to my steady internet, scattered sleep, and semi-crappy food!

Conversation with The Boss

Unbalanaced Reaction: Here you go, The Boss! {hands over package}

The Boss: {looks confused} Uh, what is it?

UR: Your academic regalia for graduation! I went to the departmental office to pick it up for you!

The Boss: Uh...oh, it is time for that already?

UR: {patiently} The Boss, you know that you need that for all the post-graduation photos of all of us with you. You know, while we're all going to be in our gowns and hoods.

{pause}

UR: You'll want these pictures some day. I want them some day. My mother wants them now. There will be lots of pictures.

The Boss: {winces}

UR: Yeah, that's the face you need to get out of your system before graduation. My mother will only make you take more pictures if you look like that.



The Boss thinks that *I'm* a handful? Just wait until The Boss meets my mother during graduation weekend!!

Thesis Defense: in numbers

Well, my fellow academics, 196 pages, 48 powerpoint slides, 1 beer, 3 tequila shots, 3 buttery nipples, 2 girly rum drinks, 1 oatmeal cookie shot, and 1 evening spent in misery on the couch/ in the bathroom (big props to NA for dealing with the not-so-pleasant after-effects of defending) later.....and I'm (almost officially) a PhD!

So yes, I might have made some bad drinking decisions, but I haven't done that since I started grad school....so I don't think I'm doing so badly. Besides, now that I'm (almost officially) not a grad student anymore, I'm not so certain that I can use "I'm in grad school--we're all borderline alcoholics!" as my excuse to drink a glass (or three) of wine a night. (yes, alcoholism is a terrible disease but so is graduate school).


At any rate, for those of you wondering about the actual details of my defense, here is (in honor of my powerpoint presentation) a run-down in bullets:

~room filled to capacity (granted, I had a VERY small conference room, but still, there were some unexpected people in the audience)

~the snacks were well received by all (anyone else have faculty that don't like to eat the food? 'cause mine avoided all execpt for the bottled water, but once the public portion was over, they all filled their plates with cheese, cookies, and fruit and spent a good five minutes eating before continuing with their questions)

~talk took 45 minutes, with ~20 minutes of public questions (more on that in a future post)

~ my thesis was accepted as is, without any requests for revisions (I'd like to believe that this is due to my brilliant writing and not due to a lack of thorough reading on the part of my committee)



So all-in-all a very good defense! Now, I believe that next up to bat is Yajeev, so head on over to Land of Yajeev and send some well wishes!!

Let them eat....nothing?

This time tomorrow, I'll be busy de-thesising with the help of Dr. Cuervo and Prof. Rum and Coke.

This evening, I came home when it was still light out (!!!!), picked up the last food items for my defense, did one last practice, and settled down for some relaxation (!!!!) with my computer and TV.

NA pointed out that in his field, people never bring food to their defenses. In my field, however, it is very odd NOT to bring snacks and drinks for those that come to the thesis defense. I think that regardless, it's kind of nice to provide some sugar for those that are willing (committee excepted, as they are forced) to listen to my body of work for 50 or so minutes. It's nothing big, just a little fruit, some cookies, and cheese.

But NA's surprise at my plan to provide food to my committee (who will likely ignore it) and my friends/coworker (some of who fall into both sections of the Venn Diagram of Unreaction's Acquaintances) gave me pause. I'm still going to bring the food tomorrow, but it makes me wonder: is it standard practice to bring food to defenses?

You know you're ready when...

With my defense only three days away, I can hardly get two steps out of my office without someone asking me some variation of "you ready?"

I know that the proper response is to say "oh yeah!" or just give a thumbs-up, you know, to assure the students behind me that once you finally reach the end, you've finally figured things out.

About half of the time I can give an enthusiastic thumbs up.... ...the other half? All I can muster is a half-grin while my mind whirls, as I think about all the things left to do.

For example, I've been stressing about the size of my seminar room. It's on the small side, and a lot of people have (I have no idea why) decided that they want to come hear my talk. Maybe I should move the conference table out? How many chairs can I fit? Should I try to switch rooms?

But then Coworker pointed out to me, "Unreaction, if your biggest concern right now is the size of your room, I'm pretty sure you're going to do alright."

Hmm... point taken.

Home before 9?

Yes, that's right. I got home before 9 pm today....only 13 h in lab today?

That could only mean one thing: I finished my freakin' thesis!


Now I have a week to tweak my defense presentation and catch up, in no particular order:

- sleep

- N.A. time

- cleaning

- data analysis (yeah, I know)

- blogging

good news....

my thesis is actually not due until next week.


But wait....

is that good news....or the worst news ever?


I'm so very tired of working on this. It's quite telling that I'm looking more forward to drinking after my thesis defense than the whole Dr. title thing.

thesis exile

My thesis is due in 5 days. I have, therefore, taken a necessary break from...um....life?...until I get this sonofabitch done.


So I will leave you with two more items of Things I Will Never Do in Lab:

1. Leave my 15 flasks of autoclaved LB media in a very high-traffic, open-access hallway for more than 24 hours (or any hours).

2. Perform a low temperature growth by filling the room temperature incubator-shaker with ice, propping the door to the shaker open with a styrofoam test tube holder, and proclaiming to the world via sharpie on a paper towel: keep lab door closed-- temperature-sensitive growth in progress.

we interrupt this program...

...no really. I'm completely dropping everything to take five days off (five! days!) to go home. Yes, you read that correctly. My thesis is due to my committee in 2 weeks, and I'm taking five days off for a family commitment.

Last week, I was completely freaked out at the prospect of leaving for that long. With my travel schedule, there is going to be very little time for writing. Did I mention that N.A. is coming with me to meet the family? And that I'm going to N.A.'s state this weekend to meet his family?

So yeah, you might see why I was very freaked out.

But my minor (okay, major) plane ticket buyer's remorse was quickly replaced with relief at not having to be in the lab for five days in a row. The last 2.5 weeks have been a blur of work. I've been getting into work every day before 8 and working straight through until at least 9 pm, then going home for a 30 or 60 minute break with N.A. and then doing more writing/reading until midnight or so. Throw in some exceedingly fitful nights and you get a very unbalanced reaction, indeed.

I also had a good talk with Committee Member, who told me that taking a few days off would be the best thing for me. Give me perspective or something. I also think that it's going to kick me into complete manic, freakout, writing mode when I get back that I will have no choice but to bang out the last chapter.

Oh, well. Until then, I'm going to sit back and try to get sleepy. N.A. and I are posted up in the Sucky International Airport hotel in preparation for our very early flight tomorrow. Hopefully we'll have good plane karma.

Endnote: Friend or Foe?

Don't get me wrong: I think I would go certifiably insane without Endnote. I can't imagine having to keep track of my 100-and-growing thesis references. Plus, the handy webofscience searching feature within Endnote means I can automatically import >95% of my citations.

But perhaps Endnote is turning against me.

I don't know why; I've been really good to E. I only open him when I need him. I give him lots of attention. I sing his praises to the younger students.

I can understand the occasional "generic: input file missing" error or even the random crashings. We all get into a bad mood from time to time, and I wouldn't expect Endnote to be any different.

But the latest message? "This Endnote Library may be corrupt" followed by a crash? Endnote, that is just uncalled for. I'm barely holding on as it is, so a complete failure of my Endnote library may cause complete brain meltdown.


(It turns out my Library was fine....but I hope this is not a sign of bad things to come!!