I promise I worked really hard!

Is it just me, or does this batch of undergrads seem especially eager to please?  I had a number of students email me at the end of the semester to reiterate (or, in some cases, indicate for the very first time) how hard they worked this semester.

That part I get.  They don't want me to judge them for their low grade, they really did care about my class, etc. etc.

The next part I don't understand.  A significant number of these "hard workers" then go on ask for a grade increase solely based on their effort.


I find that pretty shocking.  Not the part where they think hard work is the only indicator for a grade.  The part where they would actually ASK for a higher grade based on their perceived effort and not product.


I doubt that this is the strangest post-finals request out there.  Get any particularly awesome ones this year?

How to ID a true friend

They will tell you, after a quick internet search, "I can't believe you don't have a hot pepper yet!"




....and here comes the next academic year.

This train on the track to tenure just keeps chugging.


My goodness, I hope someone remembers to switch the tracks.

Summarize your semester

No, seriously.  Please?

Obviously, I've been a bit distracted this semester.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who is behind on blog reading....so perhaps a catch-up is in order?


If I could summarize my semester in two sentences, it would go something like this:

Compared with my first two years, I taught better, worked with more undergraduate researchers in lab, and performed more university service than in my first two years combined.  Compared with my first two years, I slept less, drank more, and had more fun (seriously).



Okay.  Time to see what you've all been up to!  I've got some reading to do....

Who works the hardest?

Friday afternoons at my PUI, you can count on one thing: the only people in the building are the assistant professors.



Is it a universal truth that assistant professors work the hardest, or do tenured professors just work smarter?

In the blink of an eye

Yup, that's how quickly the semester has gone by.

It's interesting to think about how different this spring semester is from previous ones.  Things that seemed insurmountable a few semesters ago (daily lecture prep, early morning labs, service, research, students....) always seem to get done.

I don't have any new preps, so what used to take me four to six hours to prep now takes 30 to 90 minutes.  I've got committee meetings under control, and my undergrads can work fairly independently in the lab.


So hang in there, new profs!  We're practically done with the semester, right?


(This is where all you tenured profs out there can let me know that things really hit the fan post tenure....)

Do you bring happiness to work?

Campbell's has a commercial that tells you to "bring some happiness to work."


I don't know about you guys, but we're barely a month into the new semester yet I'm already exhausted.

May seems a long, loooooong way off.  (Because it *is*, I suppose.)


How do you suggest I bring a little bit o' happiness to work?

Students are out to get us!

...or at least that is how it feels sometimes.

Faced with a classroom full students armed with bored faces, armed with texting weapons, teaching can sometimes take an "us versus them" tone.


But just like professors aren't plotting against students, our classes don't meet in the dark of night to plan against us.


The Forbes article is an interesting read.  I wonder what the student version would include?

What has your degree done for you lately?

Winter break is for watching instant netflix.  Lately, NA and I have been watching a lot of old Bones episodes (a show about a forensic anthropologist).

In one show, an FBI asks Tempe, "What, are you really going to be a bone lady all of your life?"

She responded, "I studied anthropology for years!"

"I got a degree, too, but I'm not going to let it ruin my life."




Whether you are a work-in-progress or out of grad school for decades, how is your degree treating you these days?

You must not have gone to a public school!

...or so sayeth the CNN news anchor.

A guest came on the show to do a bit about NYE celebrations around the world.  At the end of the segment, the guest told the host some New Year's greetings in several different languages.

The anchor's response?

"Wow.  You must not have gone to a public school like me! I don't know any of those languages."

UR 2011 in Review!!

Another year in the books.  It's time for my favorite meme!   (If you are looking for something to do, here is 2010, 2009, and 2008.)



1. UR 2010 in Review!!!  What a year!


2. Choose your own adventure.  Have you ever woken up from recalling a vivid dream and then had it stick with you ALL. DAY. LONG?


3. What will we lock up next?  Today, driving around Conference City, I saw a car with a padlocked gas tank.


4. The machine or instrument that must DIE!  Over the years, I have had many an instrument or machine nemesis.


5. Kids vs. dogs (or kid owners vs. dog owners).  It occurred to me the other day that I have never seen a puppy sonogram posted as a facebook profile picture.


6. Chicken vs. eggs.  I've been in a documentary state of mind.


7. Magic numbers.  People say that three's a crowd, it takes two to tango, and one is the loneliest number.


8.  At-bat songs for professors.  Unfortunately, I've been watching a lot of baseball lately.


9. A message to all the new professors.  It gets better.


10. Sorry that I don't have kids.  I've recently become quite the broken record.


11. Grants require blood, sweat, and tears....and more blood?  No, really.


12. Do faculty need more vacation time?  When you are a professor at a PUI, you are constantly giving giving giving of yourself to your students.






I hope you can all look back on your OWN 2011 and think of it fondly.  What a year!

Christmas is the new Halloween!!

Adventures in Ethics and Science has a hilarious re-post of a child's story about what happens when mice go Christmas caroling.  (Semi-spoiler: It doesn't end well.)

The last bits of the post include

"Reading between the lines, I'd have to say the very best thing to do if you see or hear caroling mice approaching your door would be to kill the lights and call animal control." 

Hmmm.... that sounds an awful lot  like what I do during Halloween.  Well, at least the killing the lights part.  (Calling animal control on some of the particularly wild ones is just something I dream about doing.)

There are lots of other similarities between these holidays.  Behold!

Both freak out the religious.  Anyone else grow up having to call school halloween parties "harvest fests"?  And if I have to see one more Jesus cake.....

You wear weird shit to celebrate them.  Wearing bell jewelry of any kind should be outlawed.  Ditto the memo on slutty kitty costumes.  From holiday sweaters to dressing up like Dexter, you really do have to wear some weird crap to proclaim your allegiance to the christmas/halloween spirit.

The tackier the exterior of the house, the better.  Or at least I *think* that's what my neighbors are going for with their 12 foot, inflatable spider.  Or those damn inflatable snow globes.  Or anything in an animal shape that lights up.

You give away stuff to people because it is expected.  Do I really need to spend forty bucks on candy for non-neighborhood thirteen-year-olds?  Sure, unless I want my house egged.  Do I really want to give my surly coworker a holiday mug filled with chocolate-covered espresso beans?  Not really, but I'd like to avoid any 2012 drama.

You get a free pass on exceeding your daily sugar intake.  (I don't think this one needs explanation, which is good because my fourth truffle has just entered my bloodstream.  Pardon me as I lapse into a diabetic coma.)



How else is Christmas like Halloween?

My winter break gift to you

I know that, ever since receiving my gift last year, you've anxiously awaited this year's shiny box.

And here it is...all wrapped up and virtually topped with a green-and-red bow:




Happy holidays!!  (You've probably seen this ages ago, but I think it is hilarious to re-visit it!)

If I were a holiday decoration...

...then right now, I'd be one of those deflated snowmen that you find in the morning on your lawn.  You know, one of those fifty-dollar inflatables that fall victim to the elements overnight.

The late nights that come with the end-of-the-semester push have finally caught up to me.  Hopefully, after a few eight hour nights, I'll be back to my usual, inflated self.



What seasonal decor best describes how you feel right now (or wish you felt)?

Do faculty need more vacation time?

When you are a professor at a PUI, you are constantly giving giving giving of yourself to your students.  It's the best job in the world, but, particularly for introverts like me, by the end of the semester you can feel like you've been sucked dry.

Some of my PUI friends get five weeks off for winter break.  I know a few that barely get two weeks.

Winter break is important.  You need to rest.  Get recharged.  Brace yourself for the spring semester.



Is there such a thing as too much winter break?  ....and what is the humane lower limit for time off of school?

If you don't want to know the real answer....

Occasionally I get asked if I think I'm treated differently because I am a women.

When I reply in the affirmative, my questioner nearly always (we're going 11 for 12....and counting) gets extremely defensive.

Dude.  ('cause it always is.)   If you don't want to know the really answer, then DON'T ASK.   BAH!!!

Grants require blood, sweat, and tears....and more blood?

No, really.

At 3 am some day early last week, I was working on a draft of my latest grant.  I was editing by hand at a fairly good pace (especially given the hour) when a spot on the paper made me pause.

Hmmm...  I peered at the reddish pink ink smudge.   I wiped at it with my forefinger, but I only smudged it worse.  Another spot on my grant smeared in a similar fashion.

I turned my palm over to see if ink was on my hand (although I was marking in blue ink, not in red).  That's when I realized I had a fairly nasty paper cut that was slowly but methodically dripping blood onto my grant.

Brings a whole new meeting to bleeding for your work, huh?

Overheard in lecture...

When I'm setting up for lecture, I generally tune out the pre-bell banter.  This week, I picked the following gem out of the overall buzz:


"Hey, Student!  Why aren't you my facebook friend anymore?"

"Oh, I didn't unfriend you."

"What happened then?"

"I deactivated my Facebook account until after Dr. Reaction's test."



Such dedication to my class!

Spreading the good word of SCIENCE!

So far this semester, my Saturday morning coffee+grading has been interrupted FOUR TIMES by door bell-ringing Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and various other evangelicals.  (I'm counting the newspaper guy, too.)

I've decided it is time to return the favor.  Who's with me to spread a little bit of science?  Anyone want to draft up a pamphlet to help preach the good word of science?

Food for (a grad student's) thought

Apparently peanut butter prices are about to go through the fuckin' roof.


But what will grad students eat?  Sure, it's all caviar and champagne for me now that I'm a high-paid PUI prof (ha), but I can still remember my PB&J days.

"It's not for women."

I hear that more frequently than my male coworkers would like to admit.  Perhaps that's why I don't find the new commercial for Dr. Pepper 10 very funny.




Call me humorless.  That's fine.  But let's keep in mind that I hear (at least several times a month) "oh, there's no boy's club..."   If you have to insist that something DOESN'T exist.....  well, I'll let you just finish that one.